Becoming Ourselves - The Podcast

The Enneagram Type 1 with Tony Yeoman

January 19, 2022 Season 3 Episode 3
Becoming Ourselves - The Podcast
The Enneagram Type 1 with Tony Yeoman
Show Notes Transcript

Today we welcome Tony Yeoman to the podcast as the first guest of our Enneagram series. You guessed it, he's a Type 1! Let's dive into all things Type 1 with his incredible knowledge and story.

MEET TONY:

Anthony Yeoman (known as Tony to friends and family) is a husband, father, and veteran software engineer whose career has spanned many companies and technologies. In 2019 Tony and his wife were introduced to the Enneagram through their marriage therapist. This led Tony to deeper exploration through books and studies with Narrative Enneagram’s teacher training program. Now two years into his Enneagram journey, Tony has begun conducting typing interviews for the public to help others better understand and explore themselves.

MENTIONNED IN THIS EPISODE:

Everything Belongs: The Gift of Contemplative Prayer: Rohr, Richard: 9780824519957: Books - Amazon.ca

The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective: Rohr, Richard, Ebert, Andreas: 9780824519506: Books - Amazon.ca

CONNECT WITH JULI
Instagram | Clubhouse | Facebook: @juliwenger
https://www.juliwenger.com/

Book a Clarity Call
Sign up for FIRED-UP - the Newsletter

Juli Wenger:

You're on this earth for a purpose. You want to live a life that matters. So let's get through the fear and the overwhelm and all the crap that gets in the way of you living the life of fear for this is the becoming ourselves podcast where we are fired up about you getting clear on who you are, what you're called to, and how to get there. Because the world is waiting for you to show up and own your power. I'm your host, Juli Wenger, a coach, a speaker, a Jesus lover in Enneagram, two, and a tree shaker, let's dive into what's keeping you stuck. Because on the other side, is a life that's fired up the film. Okay, we are here today with Tony. I'm so excited about this series, Tony. And I'm so excited to have you on we went through one of our Enneagram courses together. She's like six months ago, almost. It's been a while. And I just loved your energy. And so we're putting this together. It's like I think, I think I remember that Tony is a type one. So let's give people a bit of an overview. How about why don't we jump into this, we'll jump into like, tell us a couple of things about type ones, because you are one. So I'm gonna let you describe it instead of my type two self describing it. And then we could talk a little bit about the journey.

Unknown:

Alright, so overview, I'll give you the good, the bad, and the ugly, with the with the type one type ones are very much about doing things the right way, not just doing things the right way, but doing the right thing, even from a moralistic perspective. So we tend to be a little arm least in my case, analytical, I tend to, to look and look and look, again, to make sure that I'm doing things exactly the right way. And I tend to look at the people around me to make sure that they're doing things the right way. So one of the good things about that is that we tend to, when we decide to do something, we it tends to be a pretty good path. So the dark side of that is, I tend to look at everything, and want to get everything just right. Sounds very familiar to the to the side of it. But you can get to a point where it gets to be a bit too much, especially when judging yourself. And depending on the type that you're dealing with the people around you, it can get very old quickly, to be judged. And I think that that judgment is what comes from the type is not necessarily from a place of although it could come off as that it's not a from a know it all type of perspective, but really a sincere wanting to do things well and do things the right way for yourself and for everybody around you.

Juli Wenger:

What I think is so fascinating with all types, and we'll see this show up as we get through interviews with the kind of full spectrum is that often the thing that is our superpower, or the things that are our superpowers are also the things that when we overdo them, or we over attach to them become the things that take us out. So it's you're talking about that drive to do things, right to do things? Well to do it the right way to do it with integrity, because integrity is a big driver for me for ones but for all gap tapes. It's that over attachment, right to doing it right that can actually turn into self sabotage or protective patterns. So we'll get there. But why don't we talk a little bit more about like Tony and Tony's journey? Where did the Enneagram first come up for you?

Unknown:

Oh, wow. So marriage counseling is where the Enneagram first showed up for me and my wife, my wife is a type three. So we were going through a rough patch. And that's putting it very mildly we're in our marriage was about to end is the is the reality of it. We started going to see a marriage counselor. That didn't work out. So we started to go see another marriage counselor. And that one wasn't a good fit. So we went with third marriage counselor and she was awesome. And she introduced us to the Enneagram just to kind of get us to understand a bit about ourselves. And we did a typing test online. And I've done tests like that Myers Briggs these these idea of these typology type things. You give you a list of characteristics of a type sounds a little I went into it kind of skeptical, like Okay, let's try it out. But I was amazed at how accurate it was and not just In characteristic type ways, but really a deeper personality type, really understanding of who you are, what makes you tick, not just what you do, but why you do it. And that really grabbed me. And I didn't jump right into it. I mean, it was just more of one of those. This wasn't quite what I what I thought it was. So as we're going through marriage counseling, I'm reading some books that my therapist recommends. One of them is Richard roars book, everything belongs. Love that book, highly recommended for anybody that's just on a path to understanding themselves and just how they fit in the world. And after I read that, I'm like, Okay, I have to see what else this guy wrote. And lo and behold, he wrote a book on the Enneagram. So that's when I really started to take the deep dive reading Richard Rohr, his book, Enneagram, from a Christian perspective, he's also a type one. So I could really relate to him as an author, as far as the things that he was talking about. And less when I began my deep dive into it,

Juli Wenger:

his stuff has been so foundational, in terms of the work and the Enneagram community. And it's also so thorough, which I think speaks to that nature, right? That type one nature of let's do it, right, let's really dig into the details, because there's a natural attention to detail that shows up for your type. And, and I think this is like, as a side note, before we talk a little bit more about your journey. This is what's interesting with typing people and when we were recording the intro episode for the series is talking about don't type other people for the love of God, don't do it, right. But it's, it takes training, and it takes self discovery. And there's so much overlap behaviorally between types, because I'm just thinking about the that attention to detail. And that analytical nature and how that behaviorally can almost look like a type five, which is that observer investigator type that also likes to dig into the analytical and how do things work and but from a very different perspective, from a very different need base, where they're wanting to predict the future, and you're wanting to do things, right, this funny

Unknown:

because my mother is a type five, so I identified a lot with five, and eight was another one that just really ate more so than five for me, I was actually going back and forth the mind eight and not one. Those were those types are very closely.

Juli Wenger:

And that's where it's gonna go next with no, are there other types that you're like, am I for sure? Like, do I know that I'm a one is that actually the fit because this other one feels pretty? Pretty darn close. I mean, that makes sense, too, because eights and ones are both what we call control types. They're both gut types. There's that anger that underlies this. So and depending on subtype, which we won't get too much into the weeds on. Because I don't want to like drown people in the Enneagram firehose, but there's this, there's a more aggressive subtype that exists within that type one structure that can look more like an eight. And there is a more with a self preservation subtype and an eight that can look a little bit more muted. And not as you know, confrontational, lurk aggressive. So let's talk about when you really started to dig into this and into your own transformation or into your own becoming more you. What was that like for you?

Unknown:

Hard? It was looking into a mirror, I guess it's cliche as that sounds, it's just you see all of it. And there are some things that you see there that you're just like, oh, my gosh, and you just don't want to there's one thing I like about Richard roars book, he didn't pull any punches with it. But he did it in a way that you could kind of laugh at yourself with it. And you need to be able to laugh at yourself, especially as a type one as we're constantly have that inner voice judging us. And I'm like, Oh, my goodness, I'm doing this. This is me, oh, my gosh, I'm a monster and you just kind of have to take a step back. And so yeah, the the self discovery and in seeing these things in my life that I've always had trouble with, whether it be in relationships and career wise, why can't push past this point to be able to really see clearly, this is what that is. And that was hard, but at the same time, really having clarity on that and being able to deal with it. That's a gift in itself. So it made me want to dig a little further but the deeper that you dig, you find you find more about yourself but you also you find some nastiness there and I say the How to see myself as I think the deeper you dig, eventually you're going to find a double Do you find the devil in you when you have to confront that, and that's part of that process.

Juli Wenger:

Were there any aha moments that just completely changed your perspective on you or how you're showing up? Hmm,

Unknown:

none that jumped out that was just like an aha, it was more of a gradual, more of a gradual process just trying to take things in and small doses instead of eating the whole. One of the things, the big things that jumped out to me was it for the longest time, I just believe that everybody thought this way, everybody had the same process of mindset as I did, they could see the same things I was seeing, but they just either decided to ignore it, or just thought it wasn't important, or they just for some personality be fit, they had, they decided not to, not to take action in the world the way that I wanted to. And just the idea that not only was there another way of looking at the world, but there were eight other ways of looking at the world. And being able to look at those and, and see the validity in them, to better be able to understand people around me. And once I started having a little empathy with myself and understanding my own shortcomings. To be able to accept that and other people is, the more that you understand yourself, really, the more that you understand people, I really think that's the beauty of the Enneagram kind of get caught up in the you can learn Enneagram to find out about you and other people, but really the other people to me is the supplementary I mean, you really find out about other people, not by studying number by studying yourself and seeing those things from other types that are in you. And really being able to genuinely empathize with somebody because what they have that's in YouTube, maybe to a lesser degree, but you can relate to it.

Juli Wenger:

Yeah. So let's talk a little bit about the within the structure, because I think that's an important piece for us to lean into that we're all a bit of a combination of a lot of things, that behaviorally, we share a lot of similarities. There's a lot of connections, and a lot of ties between types. If I'm looking at type one as an example, you know, on either side of you, you have me you've got the helper and then you've got the peacemaker. And those are what we call wings. And for anyone who's listening and they didn't listen to the intro episode, you might want to go back for a bit of a primer. But the you know, on either side is like that salt and pepper, your personality. And then type one also being tied to type seven, as kind of a growth point. And for

Unknown:

for type four. Yeah, that's my brain

Juli Wenger:

just like, hold up. Am I right? Am I right?

Unknown:

Got it. Got it stressed.

Juli Wenger:

So there's all this connection to other places where we can pull traits and characteristics and coping patterns and superpowers and all of these things from that make us all really varied it actually I really enjoyed it. And I think it might have been in Christopher Heuer, it's his book, but I don't remember for sure, more talked about the extrapolation of the nine types until like 118. By the time you factor in the wings on either side, and you factor in those growth and resource stress points. So it's not like this put you in a little box thing. But there's also that perspective of a maybe you could speak to this, you have a dominant lens of the world. But then there's all of this other stuff you pull from. So if you think about your experience, specifically, maybe let's go there, and how your wings impact your personality and what you pull from those, and maybe some of the stress in the resource growth spaces.

Unknown:

Yeah, so that's a very interesting question, because there are so many facets of so many combinations, and it's easy to get bogged down into it. I think it was Helen Palmer that talked about it, in terms of, it's more about the energy you exhibit more than it is about the trees, the traits are just more of a manifestation of the type of energy. And for me that that really helped me to better understand it because I'm, I'm more of an anarchist when it comes to somebody telling me this is what you are.

Juli Wenger:

Oh, put me in a box.

Unknown:

Exactly, exactly. I just thought who I am. I'm the captain of my ship.

Juli Wenger:

By the way, I'm right. Exactly.

Unknown:

Exactly. But the the idea that you know, all of this energy is just out there. There's some of it that we gravitate more towards. And I mean, I really Like I said, I'm an analytical guy. So I look at it kind of cosmically, you look at it in terms of like planetary rotations, the closer you are to a certain planet, the as the closer one body is to another, the greater the pull of that that gravity is to it. I have Planet Nine and in Planet two across from me. So those polls are very strong on me, they have a very high influence on my personality, the things that I do, I tend to more go more towards the nine side of those wings. There's definitely two there, but the people kind of see me as an even keeled type of a person. I think that's the nine kind of disguising that underlying anger that's there, that really, at the end of the day fuels so much of what my my day to day is like, and that's a, that was a hard thing for me to understand and even to admit to how much anger plays a role for me in my life. But yeah, being able to understand those types, and how that that interplay goes on helps tremendously. And then the stress point, and the resource points that you talked about. So for ones were notorious for UCR, seven, we're on vacation, we just this this past, Christmas break, we went to the Smokies for break in the first day, I am super one, I want to make sure everything is in place. So we're getting there on time, reservation fine. Once we are unpacked, it is like shedding myself in. And it's like being another person, no worries, no, just everything I can do things spontaneously in a way that I just can't do at home. Vacations are going

Juli Wenger:

on to give people a better context, type seven, what, what would you describe as some of the healthy traits of type seven that you pick up on?

Unknown:

Variety, I have everything on Enneagram seven of the type on the most empty yourself, which is odd because I have that resource point. But I picture it as something that I want to be that I'm not. But just that that level of variety, being able to do multiple things, I tend to fixate just today the ability to let go and have fun. That is a big trait of one. They're the they're the type that's that's about avoidance of pain is a way that that some people talk about that. But they have a lot of fun doing really, the sevens that I've met, especially through the Enneagram training and just amazing, amazing people to me, because just to be able to put down those burdens and just kind of live what appears to be carefree, it leads to exhibit that it's, it's just amazing to me.

Juli Wenger:

What about type four.

Unknown:

So type four is more. And I'm, I'm probably going to get flack from some type for saying this, I see it more as like the melancholy type, the romantic type, I see it as the deeply emotional, the person that is very in touch with their heart center and, and what's going on there. It's something that I struggle with. And I didn't realize what kind of connection I had with that until my wife and I were going through what we were going through, and I just went into deep depression that I'd never even knew I was capable of reaching. That was definitely a stress point. I didn't understand Enneagram. At that point, I didn't know what a four was. I didn't understand what stress points were all I knew was it at a time in my life where I always saw, you know, people that were depressed and said, okay, yeah, I get that. But that's not me. That's not anything I can really relate to. And I got a master class and what that is really like to go to a place that's so dark that you can't you feel like you can't crawl out of it. So yeah, it was it was a learning experience for me as far as emotionally what I was able to take on and feel just emotions that had been buried down forever, probably started coming up. And that was a for me. That was a there was an aha moment for me in Enneagram. Or just in life. That was definitely

Juli Wenger:

yeah. So how did the journey through developing this self awareness? shift things like you've mentioned the struggles you went through in your marriage a couple of times? How did the awareness from this as a tool change the trajectory on that relationship?

Unknown:

Oh, hmm. I don't know if it was that causal. And I think that's one of the things that initially I struggled with the Enneagram I'm used to learning something and then taking that into how do I use this? How do I take this and, and fix this or, but it was more than just the actual awareness of it just started to change things. Um, it wasn't necessarily that I had to do anything with it. But just that awareness of the things in me in our relationship. It just, it's almost like when you're driving and you turn your head in a direction, you you tend to just go in that direction, whether you're intending to or not, my head was turned now. So now everything started turning in a different direction. I don't know if that makes sense. But

Juli Wenger:

it can be so gradual. And I mean, I've seen that with a lot of people. And a lot of a lot of relationships. Actually, it's fascinating for me, how, how fundamental it is for us to do our own work. And it's not a it's not a pick up the Enneagram and you get typed and your spouse gets typed, and then you can fix them. Right? Like, I see that show up with people's like, close up the problem, like you can't fix somebody else. And they may not even need fixing. And maybe the problem is that you assumed that they needed fixing. And if I pull on my own relationship, but I discovered this thing. I remember reading about type eights, because I'm married to an eight. And I was like, oh, man, that's him. And for years, like we've been married for 17 years of spring. And for years, I have been like, you just need to feel your feelings. And you need to process things like me. And I don't understand, like, why you're not? Why aren't you handling life the way I'm handling life? Because my way clearly is right? Which is me pulling on my one wing a little bit too. Oh, that sounds I have I have strong, strong polar polar whatever to that. But there's a strong gravitational connection there. Anyway, um, I just assumed that he was broken, put it really bluntly, because he didn't function the way I function, even though the way I was functioning wasn't always super healthy or productive, or, but why aren't you more like me. And I read this and was like, oh, man, I have been trying to get him to function in a way. That is not how he is built. It is like straight up, not how God made Him and to understand and then be able to develop compassion and empathy for when he's stressed out his response, or his way that he rejuvenates or the way he restores himself is fundamentally different from me. It was like this big permission slip to I mean, a stop fixing so much, which is something that I think ones and twos both do. Yeah, yes, to allow him to go on his own journey. But then also to look at me and say, how much of the problem am i because I'm putting all this pressure on him to be something that he's not. I'm putting all this pressure on him to communicate with me in a way that is not how he naturally communicates, how can I shift? How I talk to him got it and understand as hate being interrupted. Guess what twos are super good at. Right, and like being told what to do. And I mean, his number is my stress number. So it's like Arar, and you know, it's just another story for type two interview. But there's this long story short, there's this compassion that can exist, I think both for ourselves and for the people around us as we start to understand them. And even just in that, in the awareness that can open up space, for compassion, that has the capacity to gradually and overtime, change everything because the focus shifts that direction, you're looking shifts, and where we look, that's where we're gonna go, our feet will follow.

Unknown:

Absolutely, I think with the compassion piece, he hit it on the head. I felt like in my in our relationship that when things started happening was like, we really just we see this whole marriage to like, we're looking at two different books. We're reading two different books. And really, it was fundamentally we view the world very differently. And it was so nice for us to be able to learn about Enneagram together because even now, I mean, we continue counseling We're in a great place, but we continue that maintenance work. And we can kind of talk about things and kind of use the Enneagram is that template to Oh, okay, this is that three, or this is that one. And it helps just to be able to make sense of things. I mean, I don't, I'm not a proponent of the Enneagram has answered everything, you know, if you have this, this is the master key. It's like any other tool, you you use it to better understand yourself and, and others. It was a revelation for me to the thing that everybody isn't supposed to do things the way that I do. And I found that. And I don't know, if it's something I feel like this is something that's really a type one type thing. But you tell me, if you exhibit this as a two, I tend to focus on what I can fix with other people. When I have stuff that I need to address, that I don't necessarily want to address. I noticed this in times of stress, if there's something going on, all of a sudden, there's a lot of things that need to be fixed, this isn't in the place that it needs to be in the house, or why aren't you doing this, that you're supposed to be with the kids or with my wife? Why isn't this done that suppose everything else, all of a sudden, I just, it's this priority that I have to get in there and fix everything that's wrong. And I found that you have to, for me to stop and say, Okay, what's this really about? What What am I trying to fix that I can't fix or that I'm not willing to take a look at, that needs to be fixed right now and nine times out of 10, that's a must have not everything around,

Juli Wenger:

we see that show up in a lot of the literature with type one of when that that anger starts to bubble up, when the stress starts to come into play, there is this self judgment that like leaks out. And it turns into more shooting, it turns into more judging other people. But I think also like this is where I connect with this, and it's just a matter of it's from a different need base, you know, yours has to be right and to be good. And mine is I need to be needed to be helpful. And there's a self protective ego piece, right where your ego, while it likes to use your inner critic voice to keep you safe. And to keep you the same and have your needs met. It also I think we'll only put up with so much you beating yourself up. Like you can only handle so much of that, like, let's just block that let's not pay attention to that, let's shut that down. Because there's a certain level of that that's comfortable, that's normal. That's within our existing way of being. But now that shifting, and ego doesn't like change, positive or negative, however we frame change, right? So let's wall up. Let's create a self protective pattern there. Let's leverage something that we know is going to keep us the same. Here's what was really fascinating to me, I was sitting at a Enneagram course this one time was I think my course before the one I was in with you. And they were talking about the conflict avoidance styles, and how there's these three groups, and one group tends to be more of a move against. And we see that in like the eights and sometimes which ones are the other ones I don't remember which groups are all together off the top of my head. This is one of those like weeds on the Enneagram a Pullman textbook out for but it's like there's types of move against there's types that move towards like people pleasing, there's types that move away. And I had just gone through my Brene, brown dare to lead training. And she talked about armoring up in the same context. So I'm looking at both of these things like, Whoa, I think eights and ones we're both that's like we're gonna armor up and kind of claws out a little bit. And there's other types that is fight flight freeze, right? There's other types of like, just not gonna do anything. I'm just gonna like, do I look left or right? I don't know what I need to do any do evaluate like twos and sixes, there's like, it's just fascinating these connections within psychology. And I think that's where there's so much opportunity for us to to find a system like it doesn't have to be Enneagram. It's my personal favorite, because it's the one that I found doesn't put us in a box. There's so much room, there's so much of a map back to us. And at the same time, there's all of these other tools that just nest in perfectly, because underlying all of it is human psychology, and our neurobiology and our hardwiring, and how we're built and that's consistent, regardless of which system we use to look at it. So there's, there's still these fascinating connections when you're talking about MBTI and some of these other tests you take and we did the same thing we're looking at For team initially, and how do I empower my team. And we looked at disk, and we looked at MBTI. And we were looking at love languages, and Tony Robbins has this like six basic human needs thing. And there's all of these different pieces. And then I got kind of hit over the head with the Enneagram, in multiple places. And I'm like, okay, because it's how God yells at me. And everything nested perfectly up underneath it. Wow. And it also, I mean, like you were saying, at the beginning, it does a really good job of pointing out the crappy parts. It doesn't sugarcoat like, here's, here's what takes you out, here's what is not super healthy about your personality, here's what's not super helpful about your personality. But when you have awareness of that, you can do something. So what's the best part of being a one?

Unknown:

Best part of being? Listen, I'm always right. I think the best part about it is that you know what this is? I want to be honest, you want to think about being unwanted. I naturally gravitate towards the heart parts of it. So it's really hard for me to come up with what's the best part, I think about the inner critic, I think about the non flexibleness of the type. But I don't know if that's just me. Or if that's better than the type, we just tend to kind of look for the hole and things as opposed to looking for what is it right, this

Juli Wenger:

is so this is so potent. I want people to just really tune in here for a second. It's like what's great about you? Well, I mean, here are some of the things that kind of suck and could use improvement, but that's also your superpower. I when I think about one superpowers, and gifts and abilities and natural talents, there's an idealism that exists within you, once fours and sevens, right? It's like what could be possible? How could the world be better? And there is an inherent ability to see how things can be improved, to see how systems can function better to see how society can function better to see how spaces can be improved to see old relationships can be improved. Like, that is such a necessary skill that we the rest of us need somebody to have. And so I mean, as an outsider, as an observer, I'm like, Oh, well, I mean, I could tell you all about what's great about a wine and the fact that that's your default to go to a Well, I mean, like, I automatically go to the negatives like this, and this and this and this. Yeah, that's super typical. Having coached a lot of

Unknown:

that is a beautiful thing to say. But I agree with everything that she said, but I wouldn't have come up with it myself. And as you're saying, and I'm like, Yeah, you know, you're right. I can see that. I mean, even in my career, I work as a, as a developer. So I mean, it's, it's coding and is looking for what's wrong, look for the bugs and things and fixing things. How can things be more efficient and run better? I get two points in my career constantly in my career, it's always it's time to leave this job because I don't feel like what I'm doing is meaningful enough. That's that's the thing that I'm always talking about with my wife. It was this work meaningful, this what draws me to this type of work that you're doing, to just be able to help people to better understand itself in a kind of healing of the soul. I think that that's one thing that Enneagram does. Well, you talked about the, the connection to psychology and and to the mind, but I think there's a spiritual aspect to the Enneagram. This often overlooked, and it was originally created as a wisdom teaching. So those those things that tie back to who we fundamentally are at a, at a soul level, at a spiritual level, have you look at that, that's there, and it helps us to kind of where it's helped me. I try to try and get out of the definitives. Now as far as this is what it is, this is my experience. It has been my experience that it really helps to define those those kinds of things that are undefinable helps us to better understand that work with

Juli Wenger:

this is also what's beautiful about it as a tool and the tying together of heart, body mind of these three different centers of intelligence of giving credit to our feelings as having intelligence is our instinct as having intelligence. And what I love particularly about the narrative tradition that we have both trained in, is that it really He does a beautiful job. And I think this exists in most traditions of the Enneagram that are legit. But it really ties together the spiritual and the Cymatics, the body piece and the mind, the thinking piece. And it looks at how do we integrate all of those? How do we take those three centers of intelligence and integrate all of those? How do we become more whole. So it's not about stopping being something, it's not about letting go of parts of ourselves. It's not about becoming new. It's about returning to our core essence, which is very inherently spiritual. And as a, you know, as a Jesus follower, and I think that's going to apply depending on what traditions people follow in terms of their faith, or you know, if they don't at all, but there is a coming closer to our Creator. As we do the work and coming closer to and more in alignment with who we are at our core when we start to let go of some of these type structure patterns. Because I love how a lot of our teachers have said, you know, you are not your type, you have a type that you go beyond type. But type is partially this collection of self protective patterns. It's this shell, the personality shell is a collection of patterns that are meant to keep you safe and help you interact with the world. And so when we can give them less power, and have them be on less default, and come back to that core essence that shifts everything. And I like to look at it in terms of you know, how do we define who we are then. And people who listen to the podcast all the time know that when I introduce myself in that context, it's I'm Lovejoy strength like Grace, like that is my core essence. And there's more to it than that. But there is this, when I'm at my best, when I'm most aligned in my faith, when I am most aligned with my purpose, my core essence is that and there's so much permission that exists in getting our own awareness of us and who we are leveraging a system like this, to step out of the roles and the titles and the patterns and the shoulds in the suppose tos and the judgment and all of the things that kind of keep us trapped in this little box of who we think we are, and become something that is more more expansive and more representative of the reflection of God that were created to be

Unknown:

ever somebody described it as it's a constant, remember, that we still forget. And this is all of this whole process is about remembering who we are. I think that sums it up perfectly. It's, it's not like there's a you go through this. And then you have realization. And now you always remember, you're constantly forgetting constantly going back to sleep. And you have to remember who you are. And you deal with these type structures, these things that we've created for ourselves in order to be able to function in this world. And they're always there, even when you're aware of them. Even when you've done the work. It's just there. So it's constantly

Juli Wenger:

serve us to a point, right, I think that's important to note too is that if I think about some of the typical type one tendencies, self judgment, procrastination, things like that. You can do work around them, so you recognize them so that you can see them when they're showing up and back up into like observer mode. Go Okay, do I need to make a different decision right now? Or is this okay? For me? That's people pleasing? Am I people pleasing right now, again, really, like I know better? And then I can dive into my whole self judgment swirl? Or I could say, Okay, do I need to build a boundary right now, like, we get to make choices. And yet, there are such strong neural pathways or such habitual alized way, ways of being that exist within us that we took on at a point in life when we needed them to get our needs met, because we didn't have context about the world and other people and how else to get our needs met. And so it's not that we just dump all of those off and it's like, Okay, I'm done with you. That's that. There's an energy that's required for us to pick different patterns. And when I see this show up consistently, especially in my client work, where when we get tired, when we get kind of worn down when we get into a less healthy space. It's so much easier to just default into those old patterns, because they're like concrete tunnels instead of like little machines. new neural pathway paths that we have to pick and give energy to pushing our way through until they become normal until they become more well worn. So any other thoughts about life as a one or encouragement for other ones that might be listening to this right now?

Unknown:

I think for encouragement for other ones, it's just easy on yourself. I think that's the best advice to give one. It's not it's not as serious as you think it is all the time. Just be able to be forgiving with yourself and, and easy on yourself. And you'll find that you can, once you do that for yourself is you do it more for people around you. Just you don't have to listen to that voice all the time. It doesn't have to always be perfect sometimes. Just enough is okay.

Juli Wenger:

Perfect. Thanks so much for doing this with me.

Unknown:

It's been my pleasure. It's really good seeing you.

Juli Wenger:

I hope this episode triggered something in you and got you thinking about your next growth curve. Make sure to check out the show notes for more details and links to resources or people that we've mentioned today. And make sure you hit follow or subscribe. And if you have a hot minute, leave an awesome review. I would be so beyond grateful. Until next time, be to much DARE YOU