Becoming Ourselves - The Podcast

Becoming Authentic with Chelsea Bree

August 25, 2021 Season 1 Episode 57
Becoming Ourselves - The Podcast
Becoming Authentic with Chelsea Bree
Chapters
Becoming Ourselves - The Podcast
Becoming Authentic with Chelsea Bree
Aug 25, 2021 Season 1 Episode 57

This episode with Chelsea Bree (and part 2 coming on Friday) are packed with thoughts and questions that will have you scratching your head. 

Who are you, and how can you REALLY be an ally?

BIO:
“Flipping the script” is a motto Chelsea has embodied for as long as they could remember. Before Bree was a professional speaker and consultant, they were a dreamer. She painted pictures in her mind of the world around them and how they fit. Since then, she has acted as the Director of Communications for #MakeItAwkward, an anti-discriminatory campaign founded in 2016. In April 2021, Chelsea Bree and Jesse Lipscombe founded Not That Funny Gaming Inc., a tabletop game designed to uncover the damaging truths of microaggressions and “jokes” directed at marginalized groups and individuals.

Chelsea continues her advocacy work through speaking, consulting and collaborating with organizations and individuals to create a feeling of belonging and empathy.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Website -
https://notthatfunny.store/
Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chelseabreesjourney/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/chelsea.bree.gouchey
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/chelseabree/


CONNECT WITH ME
Instagram | Clubhouse | Facebook: @juliwenger
https://www.juliwenger.com/

Show Notes Transcript

This episode with Chelsea Bree (and part 2 coming on Friday) are packed with thoughts and questions that will have you scratching your head. 

Who are you, and how can you REALLY be an ally?

BIO:
“Flipping the script” is a motto Chelsea has embodied for as long as they could remember. Before Bree was a professional speaker and consultant, they were a dreamer. She painted pictures in her mind of the world around them and how they fit. Since then, she has acted as the Director of Communications for #MakeItAwkward, an anti-discriminatory campaign founded in 2016. In April 2021, Chelsea Bree and Jesse Lipscombe founded Not That Funny Gaming Inc., a tabletop game designed to uncover the damaging truths of microaggressions and “jokes” directed at marginalized groups and individuals.

Chelsea continues her advocacy work through speaking, consulting and collaborating with organizations and individuals to create a feeling of belonging and empathy.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Website -
https://notthatfunny.store/
Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/chelseabreesjourney/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/chelsea.bree.gouchey
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/chelseabree/


CONNECT WITH ME
Instagram | Clubhouse | Facebook: @juliwenger
https://www.juliwenger.com/

Juli Wenger:

You're on this earth for a purpose. You want to live a life that matters. So let's get through the fear and the overwhelm the knowledge shift that gets in a way you can you living the life you're here for. This is the becoming ourselves podcast. So we are fired up about you getting clear on who you are, what you're called to, and how to get there. Because the world is waiting for you show up and own your power. I'm your host, Juli Wenger, a coach, a speaker, a Jesus lover, an enneagram, two and a tree shape. Let's dive into what's keeping you stuck. Because on the other side is the life that's fired up, fulfilled. Okay, all today we have Chelsea Bree on the podcast. And I am so excited about this one. And I'm going to be real. This is one of those interviews that had me feeling a little like, what am I in for here, because we are planning to talk about all things from living as an indigenous person in what we call Canada to living with Tourette's to being a non binary person. So it's a really fascinating conversation. She is so transparent, so vulnerable, so real. And you're going to learn so much from her journey of becoming and her journey of figuring out what is my identity? What does that mean to me? What do I attach to and what do I get power into? So let's jump right.

Unknown:

In I've been working on especially in this last Well, my whole life, but really this last year, it's been I think, prioritized. And then even within the last week, Jesse Jesse Lipscomb, my who I work with my business partner, he gave us a collective value to work on as a Well, yeah, collective group of activists that are present, all over Alberta. So one of what the value was being selfish, but what that meant was really to take time caring about yourself to be self compassionate. For me, I have a lot of special interests, I have a lot of things that really piqued my curiosity. So a part of what I strive for is finding out my own identity. And I didn't even realize that I really didn't know, my own identity. And I still don't, I'm still learning every single day, every single moment that I make new connections that I read something new, that I learned something new, it's amazing. So I think that's a really cool destination in a way that you have in mind.

Juli Wenger:

And to help others too. It's so important. So actually, this is a really cool space, maybe for us to start is when I look at identity work. It's the foundation, right? If we have a good sense of who we are, what are our personal superpowers, how are we wired? What's our essence? Right? Yeah, so we take out of the equation, all of the titles, like the job titles, and the roles and all of those things, and then we step into No, this is actually who I am. It gives us a filter for everything and to build on. So let's talk about how do you identify or how have you identified in terms of identity and how's that shifting, which is like huge

Unknown:

that I was having in the shower the other day that sometimes gets translated, well, sometimes doesn't. But as a child, I used to notice that I kind of entered almost a form of panic when somebody would ask me, hey, Charles, how are you? Or, hey, Charles, what's on your mind? And I learned at a very early age that you you typically can't be authentic? Or if you do, it scares people, or they don't know how to react. So there are days where are there are moments even where I am feeling the happiest that I've ever felt, or I'm feeling excited, or maybe I'm feeling nervous. Or maybe I'm actually feeling really, really down. And I don't know why maybe then I'm feeling so sad, or I'm feeling so depressed. But I know that I'm not a depressed individual. But I can't just say, oh, right now in this moment, because you asked, I'm feeling sad, or you know, I'm feeling really blue. Because if you have this false persona, I guess of happiness, or how you want others to perceive you, then you put on the brave face, you smile, and you say you're feeling fine. You're feeling good, you're feeling happy, how are you? And then it's just this whole Yep, juxtaposition of nobody actually checking in with one another and nobody being able to be empathetic. I think really,

Juli Wenger:

I get that. So at a core level. And I've really been leaning into this concept of authenticity. It's really where power is. And one of my coaches has said to me, as kind of a partner on that authenticity is a gateway to flow is a gateway to flow to flow. What does that mean to you? flow to me is ease

Unknown:

Right, it's peace. For me, I think when I think it's a feeling content in almost anything that I do, I know that I'm satisfied, I know that I'm proud of the person that I am. And I can still be proud of and feel sad, and be authentic and be all these things and also feel happy. So I think that's good, because it's about finding your own happiness, but also being at peace with what happiness means to you. I think because we live in a very cruel world at times. It can be confusing, even when you have you know, arguments with loved ones or arguments with friends, and it can be hurtful. But then when you have that clear direction of I think, who brings you happiness, what brings you happiness, and also being at peace with with how you go about that happiness and how they go about their own for my happiness, then that's when we can actually communicate and you know, world's going to be better. Yeah, exactly.

Juli Wenger:

So let's circle back to who you have been or how you've identified as identity in the past compared to now? Because I know you have quite a story.

Unknown:

Yeah. Sorry, I, I have tics when I get actually excited and nervous. And I'm kind of both at the same time. Okay, I gotcha. It's actually such a vulnerable question. Really, when you think about it, like who are you? There is so much about me that I wish I could articulate or I wish that I could actually show people like in my mind, okay, this is this is Chelsea, this is actually who I am. Yeah, but But wait, what does Chelsea even mean? That's not a name I was given. It's an old English name, it really, it doesn't really even match my identity. To be honest, I don't understand why people are so passionate about their name, even unless it actually has, you know, a cultural or an ancestry background. So somebody's like, you know, Jesse Lipscomb, I don't actually know, I can't speak for him, but I don't know how much his last name, for example means to him. for him. I think it's still balancing happiness and peace, right? Because he needs to, for example, be at peace with knowing that his last name really came from and the slaver and that's a very complicated feeling. So for me, okay, there's a Chelsea girl, he used to be how identified now it's Chelsea Bri, and it's not actually even spelled the way that I would normally spell it because Bri would be br EA. But I understand that that would already be linguistically hard for people to understand. So my name would be mispronounced. What was happening is Chelsea Yoshi was being so mispronounced. And actually, I do have family members on social media who I care about very much. If somebody who doesn't like me as a person and what I put forward, and they decide to take that out on me. That's okay. But I cannot handle the fact that I have family members on my social media that have the last name, people can track them down. I know other activists who have had problems with that exact thing. I also know you just asked me about my identity, and I'm still on Chelsea free. But you know, because it was it was really it took a whole year to even find part of my identity. Okay, I knew that I looked different. I knew that I wasn't white, essentially. And then I started to learn, okay, I'm indigenous. Okay, wait, I actually should be a part of Cree Nation, I can be a part of Cree Nation if I do the proper steps, which really just means reconnecting to my culture, which means recognizing my privileges, recognizing what it means to actually fight white supremacy, but at the same time, I still want to indigenize there is a lot about being indigenous, that means something to me. That is very special to me, that is very sacred to me that nobody can really take away from me, but I can share that community. At the same time. I feel like I have a community in the disability community and when people say that they think Well, okay, disability that means disease, that means different that means inferior to me disability is it or disabled, sorry, it's a reclaimed word. So being disabled was everything that represented being inferior being less than in society, even if you look at the Holocaust, it was the Jewish disabled queer people of color, like came down to every single intersection every single oppression. So I can't actually just say, I'm a person of color, or I'm indigenous, no, okay, actually, I'm disabled. And that means something to me, because to me, that means I have power. That means that I have the ability to think in other ways that people that others don't, it means that I'm typically actually more empathetic because people with disabilities, people who have experienced oppression, whether that's whether that's a disability, or maybe I'm, yeah, indigenous, or maybe I'm queer, or actually I don't even associate with being a woman, but that's visually hard for some people to understand. So sometimes I kind of just blend in I mask I pretend like I am because I can also understand when it's safe for me to say, okay, actually, you know, I don't like to be she her. I'd rather you just I'm really non binary to be honest. And when I say that, I don't mean there's anything against women, anything against men, but I see a problem with how people think of the gender binary, I guess because it's still form of oppression. So sorry, when you ask me my identity to the real problem with all that is, I have a binder that I could tell you every single specific tip that I have, because there are names. For every single specific tick, I forget what it comes with writing, but sometimes I can't write, but sometimes I'm just scribbling things out. So that doesn't make sense, because they'll be really proud of a sentence that I wrote to them scribbling it out, I'm like, Oh, my God, or I have reading texts, where I will read a sentence. And I'll have to go back to the very beginning and reread it and reread it and reread it. So I actually lost the ability to read it for many years, my life. And for somebody like me who loves books, and I didn't have access to audiobooks at the time, that was heartbreaking for me. So that actually is a large part of my identity, even just to talk about the reading text that I have sometimes, because I didn't know that other people had that. I didn't know that until last week, that there are other people like me, and there are other people who lost a lot of their identity because they weren't able to read. And if you're not able to read and you're not able to learn about your identity from people who look like you, because I also grew up in a very small town that I would consider. Well, yes, like, this whole world is very homophobic, it's very, you know, sexist. But in this small town, specifically, it was almost, you know, amplified. But I didn't know another trans person who growing up, or there was somebody who wore dresses that looked like a man and everybody made fun of that person, and nobody understood that person. So that was me growing up, I just, you know, you're different. So that means you're less than. And so my identity, obviously, it's complicated, but I have a very strong foundation, you know, like you mentioned, I do have very strong values. And I know my strengths, and I know my weaknesses. So I think that is important, too. But then I kind of build I guess I'll find it. So it's always evolving.

Juli Wenger:

When it comes to this question for me always, of what are we attaching to? And what are we giving power to? And how are we giving it power? And I think he made some really interesting connections there in terms of disability and it being a reclaimed word, but power on what story? Am I wrapping around this term that society wants to give me of how other people want to put me into a box how other people want to define me how they want to simplify me when ultimately, no, those things are not our essence. You know, often when I introduce myself, I am torn between, you know, do I say I am Julie, and I'm a coach. And I'm this and I'm that because the AM's are identifying statements, right? Or do I say I'm Julie and I'm love and joy and strength and lighten grace, because that's how I connect with my own essence. Like, it's not all of me. But it's really is my anchor point of you know, who I'm created to be. So yeah, it's always interesting to step out of those boxes, now of being categorized. And within the categorization. There is this hierarchy that often in society we latch on to and Jesse's done a beautiful job in pointing that out for me when we talked in the podcast around the us versus them language, and so much as us versus them.

Unknown:

inclusivity versus belonging, I think it's the easiest way that I can translate it, if we don't actually want to be included in the party or at the conference room, you know, that we wouldn't typically have access to. We want to feel like we have a voice, but we want to feel like it wasn't an invite, you know, we earned our spot. Unfortunately, we had to work very, very hard to get in that room. But when I'm in that room, I want my voice to matter. And I don't want people to look at me like I'm inferior or that I'm a pity vote or that I may diversity checkbox. That's not what I'm there for. And they're because I'm human. For me specifically, I'm trying my best to represent all of these intersections of my identity. But I can't logistically because I don't know what every disabled person is thinking that's absurd to even think that I can be representative because disability is so complex, there's invisible disabilities, there's, there's visible disabilities, there's mental health concerns, and everybody experiences depression, for example, people who are diagnosed or people who know that they have depression, it still comes out in different ways Person person, so we still need to take more of each other and check in with each other. And sorry, I just want to circle back actually something that I forgot to comment on was Yeah, when somebody asks you how you are the other reason why I panic is because you're right. What does that mean? If my name doesn't actually mean anything to me? Yeah. Which it doesn't. But people are still expecting me to say my name. Okay, so I'm Chelsea. Okay, so scratch but that really isn't me. So do I say what I do I say what I do as a job well, for me before I was an activist, I was a travel agent before that I was a student, which I guess I'm always a student. So that's actually probably a good identity label that I just thought of now that I'll probably steal or write down steal from my own thoughts, but because yeah, I'm a learner. Like I'm, you know, a grower, like we're all on this journey. But you're right. There wasn't a job description per se that actually met my personality. My authentic self until very recently and even activists gets very confusing for me because Who is an activist? If anything, I may be an influencer, I haven't actually created a policy change or not one that I can tangibly See, I haven't Yeah, I guess beaten the system, I guess in my head. But I am aware that I have the ability to activate, change. So maybe somebody actually gets a school policy change, because it's something that I said, I don't even need to see that I don't actually really in well know, in a way, obviously, I care. But I, my words matter so much to me and what people do with with one's words, because as we both know, words, have them words have power, they they hold such power. So every time you're putting something forward on Instagram, I think that you are an influencer, you are influencing people's thoughts. And even for somebody like you, and now that I understand your story more, for me, what happened is I created a false persona of my own happiness and what I had to do in life, based off of what other people were doing, based off of what I was seeing on social media, and typically Instagram, because Instagram is such a, it's such a picture or a visual persona, but you you actually have so many few words to even explain the pictures. So it gets confusing when somebody is taking a selfie and smiling the biggest smile in front of this waterfall, and they're bragging about oh, my God, I was so busy. And now I can relax. And now I'm so happy. It's like, okay, but that is even contradictory. Because if you're so busy, then you're only happy maybe because you have to take a break from this absurd thing that we call life with just really just, you know, capitalism and racism and all the things. So I just always found it confusing what people decided to show on social media. Because it's typically not their authentic self, it's typically not their genuine feelings, I think, or maybe it is, but they're not showing us how they got there, how they actually lost the weight, before actually posting, you know, the weight loss photo, why they went to Asia to do their backpacking journey. I just went on a backpacking journey for a year by myself after high school because everyone else was doing it to be quite honest. And then I became a travel agent. And I even went to grad McEwen and I got my travel and tourism diploma, but I was so influenced by other people. And part of it was making me happy because I didn't I grew up in a small town, right? So I couldn't learn off other people. I wanted to travel the world. And I did and I'm so proud of myself, they did that. And I did that by myself. But I would have done that differently. Had I not been so influenced by people. And if they would have told me that it was so specific to their happiness, that it made them happy. And it wasn't. Everybody's for happiness, because it's okay, if you don't want to travel the world. And you don't want to Yeah, go on a solo backpacking journey when you're 18. And I terrified my mom. And that makes sense. So then I ended up getting robbed, and you know, all these, you know, all these terrible experiences. I mean, the better, of course, but there was a time where it's Christmas Day, and it was Cambodia. And I had absolutely no money, and I was in tears. And it was so hot. And you always think that that's even a good thing on Christmas to be hot. But no, when you're in plus 44, and you have no money. And you're with people you don't even recognize and you can't even speak the local language or you can but only in parts. It's actually really lonely. So I spent a Christmas Day, I don't know, at a bar having drinks. So that was good with some friends, but not really everybody that I guess would have made me happy. And it wasn't the exact thing that brought me all happiness, I found happiness in it. And I'm glad I did it. But it's interesting how even that is an example of how much I was influenced. And I didn't learn my destination until really this last week even and it will probably change tomorrow. But I'm glad that we can maybe share a little bit of a common story just between you and I that it really does happen to people we're so influenced. Everybody is Yeah,

Juli Wenger:

heavily. It's living into other people's story. And you wouldn't believe how many people I talked to about this. Because I mean, that's kind of the work that I'm called to now, but it's all of these shoulds and all of these measures of enoughness. And all this proving and then we wake up one day and we're like, what, why am I a travel agent? Why am I selling real estate? This can't be it. This can't be what I'm here for. And if you're talking I was thinking about these layers of you know, like our essence our identity and get clarity on our calling, which is what underpins you doing the activist work and then activist still isn't necessarily identity. It's just a really well aligned bucket that you're putting your energy into of like a filter through CL,

Unknown:

you actually just made me realize that I was thinking about it in the wrong way because you're totally right. For me. I also identify with being a trader. So somebody that has Tourette Syndrome, by definition, I actually maybe shouldn't even be saying that I should be saying that I'm a self diagnose tretter but also it gets confusing when the last neurologist I spoke to did say I had that I had Tourette but technically like it didn't even happen because I should they would have had to look at my Childhood notes because that's how a proper Tourette Syndrome diagnosis is actually made. And similar to other things like, like autism, for example, it is a privilege to have a artistic diagnosis living in both Canada and the US, especially, because it costs 1000s of dollars to actually get that piece of paper that says, I have autism or I'm autistic mind. This is why, um, for me, I could add a card on the Tourette Canada website. And I didn't even know this, but I have the ability to hand a card to a bus driver, for example, saying that I'm about to have a meltdown, I'm about to, you know, experience all the sensory problems I actually do have, I just do a really good job coping with them sometimes, truthfully, when I go into a grocery store, that is probably when I feel the most panic because I need to have a plan. And I know that that sounds neurotic. And that sounds not what a grocery shopping experience should look like. But I memorize where things are on aisles. I normally have a pattern. I don't like what's your source because they're so unexpected, you know, somebody can say something, first of all, so cruel to you and expected because if I if I have a tick or so I'm actually a visual learner. So I can even see myself in the grocery store and me having me having a twitch and somebody being mean to me, that's typically actually when it happens, I don't experience a lot of ablest language except when I actually expose myself to it. So when I go on the make an offer page for example, I can edit in ways that I know ablest language so if somebody says that's crazy, or you're insane, or they sound moronic, or whatever, if I know the difference between right and wrong, and I know that I'm right or I think that I'm right especially when it comes to the social and social justice realm or world I'm just gonna say oh my god okay sensory overload because then I'm just seeing all these like insane crazy ablest language and then on top of the racist language, so discrimination language, you know, it is very overwhelming. And that always happens to me when I'm in the grocery store because because I am perceptive like, I know which friends are having fights. I know which couples maybe are, you know, not having a good day, so I can feel emotions. I'm like, Oh, my God, how does everyone make grocery shopping so stressful? Everyone's panicked about, you know, this lineup that we're in, which is like, really? What do you do about it? Let's just enjoy one another. Okay, everyone else's on their phone, I guess I'm going to go on my phone with you because we forget how to communicate even with each other. So it's, it's a confusing and frustrating experience the grocery store. And I know that I think about it, probably more than most people do. But it is a problem.

Juli Wenger:

To me at least. But while I'm there, so sheds that show up again, right? Like it shouldn't be such a you know, an experience. But this is the comparison thing, right of what's your reality. And right, you know, your reality is different. And I love to that we have some similar threads to our stories. And at the same time, the realities are just inherently different. If you're dealing with different kind of reaction to for example, going to the grocery store, now I'm going to be the mom, that's like, dragging my kids around and telling them not to touch things on the shelves. And it's frustrating for its own reasons, but it's a very different experience than what your experience is. And kind of similar to you know, when you're talking earlier about, you know, words have power as a like a white person, right? Like we'll just call a spade a spade that's me over here, right? Caucasian, trying to be an ally and learning how to be an ally. My experience is inherently different, as you know, being as privileged as I am, from what your experience is going to be in, say, the make it awkward page or as we're, you know, talking to speaking to trying to create change around the racist issues, for example, that we're working towards. So,

Unknown:

yeah, we made me think you made me think of a few things and just interrupt me if any of this doesn't make sense or make sense or you have things to add on. But, um, I think I always struggled with the term underprivileged, because a lot of people will say, helping underprivileged youth, for example, or underprivileged community, but what happens is actually if I don't stress how many privileges I don't feel like I have access to then people will view me as everybody else, right? They'll view me as somebody who is white and non Yeah, and non disabled. And you know, a woman which isn't even technically a good thing in society. I guess I'd rather be a man if I really had to choose but so if we don't talk about these privileges, but the point is I truthfully, never really well. I felt underprivileged in moments of my life, because I could recognize when my voice was being talked over, I could recognize which rooms I didn't have access to. I could recognize which boys or people who I liked, but they couldn't. I saw that they didn't like me, even though I wanted them to but they typically couldn't understand my language or I've had people say I've heard people say, I didn't know that you were native. And I said, No, no, I'm not native, I'm indigenous would be the proper name. And actually, I'm freed. And I'm really proud of that. And they would look at me and they said, I had no idea that you were a dirty Indian, I can't date you. And that used to destroy me, because, again, you're influenced, right. And that brings me to my next point of people who are privileged, I think they are unaware of how much they have the ability to influence. And what I mean by that I didn't realize until this last week until I really, really thought about it that, who were my influences growing up. So of course, most people would have a guardian or a parent or, you know, someone lady was a mother, let's say grandmother, elder, or even, you know, an indigenous culture or really any elder, any older person that has more like experience. But for me, for me growing up in a small town, and in a community that I felt like didn't understand me. And didn't, didn't understand me kind of at the best of times, because because the thing is, I tried so hard to fit in. And I did an incredible job fitting in to the point where, if you were to ask, if you were to ask my childhood friends, I was the most popular kid in school, I was a class clown, I was the person that I cared so much about getting honors with distinction every single year. Being at this being, sorry, sports scholarship, reading all these different awards, like I cared about, because I thought they meant something because I thought that that really, I was being worthy, right? It's the whole idea of being worth something, I want to prove to others that you don't think that I'm smart. And I know that you don't think that I'm smart. But the way that I think is actually just so different. And so not better, it's not better, it's that it's just different. And it doesn't need to be inferior. If you could learn off of me the same way that I've been trying my best to learn from you, we would all be better. And I actually didn't even mean to get to disability I mentioned I meant to get into Pocahontas, actually out of all people because Pocahontas was and that's not her actual name, I'm only going to reference her as Pocahontas, because that is what most people know, they know the Disney cartoon. And they know, they have this idea of who Pocahontas was as a person, because she has been romanticized. And she has been sexualized. And if people knew who she was as a person in the life that she lived, they would not be calling me Pocahontas. So as a young child, I knew that I wasn't white, but I knew that I could pass by his weight just enough that I wasn't like the kids who grew up on long hold on reserve, which I always knew I in a way almost wanted to be like them because I saw the unique beauty I saw. And when I say unique Sorry, I didn't mean that in a good way. I saw you know, the the cheekbone structure, the darker skin complexion, the brown hair, brown eyes, I actually saw a lot of my mother in one of my parents, sorry, I saw a lot of her in these children that I want to be more like, but it's confusing as a girl, as a young child when you are being told that you're Pocahontas, but you're receiving that as a racial slur, because I knew that the method and a cruel way some kids, but then what happened is when I turned 1314, which is typically when people, children experience puberty, I noticed that it did turn into a sexual thing. So sometimes I was being called Pocahontas. And they meant that as people meant that as a compliment, they meant that I looked sexy that day, or whatever their idea of sexy is or beautiful, whatever their idea of beauty is. And when you're a child, and you have that comparison, so it's like, Okay, I know I'm gonna get compared to her anyways, whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. I might as well try to look like her. I meant that kind of in a vague way. Of course, I didn't mean that I'm dancing through forces and you know, wearing this dress. But Pocahontas does have distinct features. She has a larger bust. For example, She has those cheekbones. She has that long hair. She doesn't wear makeup, she's not white. And she actually doesn't really get invited with the other Disney Princesses who are white and in typical dresses that are ball gowns, and they're wearing heels and Pocahontas is in bare feet. And I've always liked bare feet because I don't even understand why people wear socks half the time, like what are you it's more of a sensory issue that I have, like I would rather be in bare feet. And then I grew up in and act in an acreage in the actual country. So there were times where I was quite literally running through a forest and that was my idea of happiness. Because when you're a child, it's hard sometimes to even see gender roles as being a thing like when girls are playing house at school and boys are playing football. I couldn't actually have And why we couldn't do a lot together or why it even had to be girls do this boys do that. When you're a child, you're actually running in the forest and you're not thinking, Okay, I'm Pocahontas, or I'm a girl or a boy, or whatever that means, but you're just a child having fun. But then when you start to get sexualized, then it gets really confusing. So do I need to actually be more sexual Do I need to, you know, show more skin and I didn't realize this until this week, but my gender expression is even very influenced by Pocahontas, I used to dress in ways that did expose more skin. I never really understood why I did that. I just thought that Okay, that's my expression. But wait, what is my actual gender expression, typically, it wouldn't actually be showing a lot of skin, I don't even typically like wearing dresses for the most part. So it's just very, very interesting that I'm 26 years old. And I'm buying a whole new wardrobe. Because so much of what I bought, which of course represents money, it represents time that I spent, it represents who I thought I should be presenting to the world, which also means that I am influencing other people. I'm influencing young girls, I know that even if they don't think of me as somebody who they relate to, they can probably still see something, you know, in me, and if I'm putting myself out there on social media, maybe actually want to be more authentic, maybe I actually want to talk about probably lost about 60 pounds in the course of maybe a year and a half. That was due to a lot of bullying. That was due to a lot of people making me feel less than that was due to a white beauty construct. Because I thought that if I got skinnier, I would be liked more. I thought that if I wore makeup, I would add more dates. I thought that if I brushed my teeth, and I put artificial whitener in my teeth, then I would have a nicer smile. Like all of these things are actually absurd when you think about it, because I don't actually care if you wear makeup or wear makeup because you want to wear makeup, don't wear makeup because you want to impress your date or you want to look better than your friend, which is I think sometimes why women honestly get so dressed up when they go out to the bar, it's just about being well, you know, their idea of beauty. And that's great if that's your idea of beauty. But don't do it to get a bar hookup or because all of your friends are doing it. Because that's all I did it for because all my friends were putting on makeup. And I knew that there was kind of a ritual that women typically do before going out to the bar. And it's part of it's getting ready, right? Doing your hair and I'm like, but I wouldn't even normally do my hair. So what am I supposed to do on this time? And then everyone else is on their phones. Sometimes

Juli Wenger:

we're gonna pause right there for this week, and we're going to return to this conversation with Chelsea next week. I am so excited that you joined us And hey, if you have appreciated what you've heard so far on this episode, make sure to follow Chelsea check out the links in the show notes. And take a quick second to that subscribe on the podcast. Until next time, all my love and ritual. I hope this episode triggered something in you and got you thinking about your next growth curve. Make sure to check out the show notes for more details and links to resources or people that we've mentioned today. And make sure you hit follow or subscribe. And if you have a hot minute, leave an awesome review. I would be so beyond grateful. Until next time be too much. I dare you