The Becoming Ourselves Podcast

The Power of Compassion with Keith Faria: A Journey of Survival

April 07, 2021 Season 1 Episode 30
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
The Power of Compassion with Keith Faria: A Journey of Survival
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The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
The Power of Compassion with Keith Faria: A Journey of Survival
Apr 07, 2021 Season 1 Episode 30

A couple of weeks ago had interviewed Glori Meldrum on the podcast. Glori is the founder of little warriors. She is a survivor of childhood sexual assault. And this has been a cause that's been so close to my heart for a long time. It's an absolute epidemic. So as we're leaning into this conversation, it was important to me to bring in a male voice. I've been chatting with my friend Keith Faria. Keith is a spokesperson for little warriors and an ambassador for them. He's also a speaker on men's health and mental health, and the effects of long-term untreated sexual trauma. So I wanted to get his perspective and talk with him about his journey of becoming. It is insightful, it is powerful. And it impacted me deeply.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

Little Warriors Website: https://littlewarriors.ca/

Keith's Linked In:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/keith-faria-38613319b/?originalSubdomain=ca

Book an Alignment Call with Juli: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=19410531&appointmentType=13872740

Becoming Ourselves The Summit https://www.juliwenger.com/becomingourselvesthesummit

CONNECT WITH ME

Instagram: @juliwenger

Facebook: - ww.facebook.com/becomingourselvespodcast

LinkedIn: Juli Wenger 

Website: https://www.juliwenger.com/

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Show Notes Transcript

A couple of weeks ago had interviewed Glori Meldrum on the podcast. Glori is the founder of little warriors. She is a survivor of childhood sexual assault. And this has been a cause that's been so close to my heart for a long time. It's an absolute epidemic. So as we're leaning into this conversation, it was important to me to bring in a male voice. I've been chatting with my friend Keith Faria. Keith is a spokesperson for little warriors and an ambassador for them. He's also a speaker on men's health and mental health, and the effects of long-term untreated sexual trauma. So I wanted to get his perspective and talk with him about his journey of becoming. It is insightful, it is powerful. And it impacted me deeply.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

Little Warriors Website: https://littlewarriors.ca/

Keith's Linked In:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/keith-faria-38613319b/?originalSubdomain=ca

Book an Alignment Call with Juli: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=19410531&appointmentType=13872740

Becoming Ourselves The Summit https://www.juliwenger.com/becomingourselvesthesummit

CONNECT WITH ME

Instagram: @juliwenger

Facebook: - ww.facebook.com/becomingourselvespodcast

LinkedIn: Juli Wenger 

Website: https://www.juliwenger.com/

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Published: Mar. 24, 2021 @ 5AM Edit

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Juli Wenger:

We've been talking about having this conversation for a while and sharing your story. And it's it's fun timing, because we actually had glory meladerm on the podcast a couple weeks ago. And for all of our listeners, standing up for survivors of childhood sexual abuse is a passion of mine. And it has been for a long time. And Keith and I go back aways from the real estate business. But we actually met through a little warriors event A few years back, and his story is powerful and impactful. And we want to make a point of continuing the conversation in an area where it's shoved under the rug a lot, a lot of people don't want to have conversations around things like sexual violence and trauma, because it's not fun. But it's also an epidemic. And it's something that we need to get louder about, and we need to be paying attention to and opting into. So Keith, take us through a little bit of the story around your experience and your journey. And then we can jump into some of the becoming yourself pieces of how it's impacted your identity journey.

Keith Faria:

Yeah, thank you for that, I guess the the best way to the best way to start is that, you know, is right at right at the beginning were between the ages of six and 10, I was being molested by my grandfather. And, you know, of course, with just one simple statement, you know, it blows up into a lot of different things. And in the, in the 20 ish years that I've been healing, and doing the work that I need to do, I've learned a lot. Probably the biggest one is the effects. On me the effects on children of long term untreated, sexual trauma, you know, I went from six to 10. This is going on and, and I'm completely disassociated and disconnected from from life from reality from myself. And then just getting through that coming out with it when I was a teenager. And the response to that did not go the way that I hoped. And it went the opposite. And that affected me big time, especially at that time now as a teenager. So I I'm still developing and processing that information. And so I was taught a lot of things. But I've had to unlearn as an adult in my 30s and 40s. Now, still on learning things, and

Juli Wenger:

how did the response you got versus a response you wanted? show up? What was the difference between those two things?

Keith Faria:

Well, honestly, I think I was 14 or 15, when I when I finally came out with it. And I didn't want to, it was not intentional as having kind of what was what's been shared with me is that I was having an awful dream in the middle of the night. And I'm screaming, and just all of that, and, you know, my mom and my brothers come in the room. And like I can't even breathe. And so I just, it just had to come out like it was it can't you know, I finally said it was the first time I'd ever told anybody and I carried it for you know, almost 10 years. And I can talk about the effects of that from age six to age 14 carrying that secret. And the response, I didn't know what to expect for response because like I said, I didn't even want anyone to know. And so I was actually terrified that everybody was now going to know. And, and the response was silence and nothingness. And the only person that ever said anything to me was my father. And he just pushed back and was blaming me for ruining the family. Why are you doing this to us? Why are you making this up? And I'm 14 or 15 you know, and I'm just like, I don't even know, honestly, I didn't even know like what, what do I do with that and can measure the effect that that had on me that response or Non response it was, honestly, it was devastating. And I and I have said that, you know, I've often said that, I think because I was older, at the time that the response impacted me more than the abuse itself. The abuse happened, and believe me, it impacted me hard. And, you know, we can go into that. But the response was worse for me. I just, I, I so desperately needed somebody in my world, just one person in my world to step up and do something, say something. Keith, are you okay? Keith, this isn't your fault. He didn't create this, you know? How can we get you? Let's get you some help, what can we do? And I had nothing. And so I, what I learned, what I was taught, is that I'm on my own. My parents couldn't help me, they didn't have the space. You know, like, you know, my parents were addicts they had, they came from worst trauma, they mean. So they had no space to even know what to do with it. You know, my mom did her best. But you know, I think she kind of ran into a wall with, you know, my father's side of the family, it was my father's father. I felt like I held open, I held the rug out while everybody just swept it underneath it, then I hung on to that from 14 to 25. You know, 25 was my guide, I had attempted suicide a number of times, from six to 2525 was the one where I was definitely, I'm out. And that's when thankfully, I was able to, you know, a series of, of small events turned into me, obviously, still being here and being able to go get some treatment and get some help. And so the impact of those 20 years leading up to me being 25. And even from 25, to now. It's been, it's been a journey, to say the least, is a lot. A lot there.

Juli Wenger:

Yeah. And it's it's heavy, and it's challenging to find the right questions to ask sometimes, and not just to sit and let there be space around it. Right. So like, for those of us who have not experienced what you and so many other survivors have, it's really difficult for us to put ourselves in your shoes, right. And I like I say that as a non survivor. And I feel very, very fortunate, because I know so many survivors, oh, this whole, one in three girls, one in five boys thing. statistic statistically, that's just what's reported? Oh, yeah, not everything is reported. So like the percentage of people could be listening to this episode and saying, Yeah, I see myself in that. I've been there. I've walked that road. It's really high. And part of the reason that we wanted to have this conversation is because there is such an epidemic right now of sexual violence happening. Yeah, and even when I talked to Gloria, a couple of weeks back, we had talked about how until we all get loud enough, until we all start to talk about it until we all start to engage with this and to say, No, no more, change the system, change our conversations, change the context around it. Until then we won't see change. And what's heavy with me today, we talked about this a little before we started recording is how do we respond? And you alluded to that in you know, I said something, and not necessarily because I wanted to like I didn't want to say something, but it came out. And that trauma of being dismissed and the trauma of it being swept under the rug being so impactful for you and so hard and you know, as bad as or worse than and I hear this consistently when I do talk to survivors, right that not being believed or the not being protected or they're not being fought for the not being shown up for was so impactful. So knowing what you know now, how do you wish that your family would have shown up for you or how would you guide those of us who run into these such to asians to show up for people that we know and care about

Keith Faria:

i think you know on based on my experience i think it's unbelievably simple it's just it's just acknowledgement you know it's just saying hey hey man i believe you we don't need to talk about what happened just know that i got you that's it my experience was when i you know you heard me speak at the at one of the gals is that called my boss to tell him that i wasn't coming into work that day because i was about to go drive my car into a pole and he picked up on it i mean i'm i'm 25 at the time but i was the first he's the first aware awake man that i that i met in my life at 25 and i might as well have been eight and when i was talking to him because i was just crushed i had nowhere to turn i didn't know what to do and and he said listen man like i don't know what to do here but can you give me a day can we figure out some solutions and my car's running down on the front street like i'm ready to go and he says can i can you give me a date and i was like of course like of course i can but he just gave me that he gave me that he asked the question yeah at 14 i would have been so extremely closed off and humiliated and embarrassed scared you know i just i just even if someone would have just sat beside me he would have been enough and it's in with the being that simple you can imagine the impact of the silence i'm talking these are the this is the village raising me this is who i'm learning from and they're and they're gone they're invisible all all it would have taken was one person hey keith i heard what happened i just want you to know i got your back what can we do what do you need just for one person to say they believe me or let's get you some help i had to i had to go figure that out on my own at 14 trying to figure out my world it's like yeah just there's nothing to it and i when i talked to when i talk to people they say keith i can't believe that no one did anything and i said well we see examples of that happening all the time where something bad is happening and no one wants to get involved i don't know why everybody responded the way they did it was you know likely more a reflection of where they were at in their own lives at the time but they also didn't have space for it or didn't know what to do or they're afraid but the debt i mean the damage that was done has to be far worse right and so for people who have not experienced that kind of trauma or those levels of trauma it's really that simple i got you i believe you this isn't your fault what do you need? you know i don't know what my answer would have been at 14 but it would have just been good to have it you know would have been good to ask i probably i probably was the most terrified and stressed in that moment you know as any time in my life like especially at 14 i don't even know how to process that as an adult there's ways that you know as adult ways to do things but at 14 with all of that trauma and as you know there's way more to my story than that it's like trying to figure that all out was was tough and especially you know at that age to you know basically be learning that i don't matter you know that's what i was taught I'm not worth standing up for. Yeah. So guess how the next 20 years of my life went?

Juli Wenger:

Well, and this is where this gets really interesting is from an identity standpoint, the impacts of going through trauma like this, of starting to buy into stories of I don't matter of I'm not worth protecting, I'm not worth standing up for, I'm not worth showing up for. How does that then impact as you're, you know, young adults, you're, you know, in your 20s leading up to this, like, I'm going to go drive my car into a poll, because I just can't. How does that impact who you tell yourself you are.

Keith Faria:

So much of that time was was unconscious, you know, I wasn't present for anything. And I was married by 25. already been married for a year. And I wasn't present. There's so many things that I don't even remember. Like, just events, things that I don't remember. You know, I had a friend a couple of months ago mentioned something to me that, that I was doing with him. And he, he remembers his as one of the best times that we that we would have. And I was and I literally was like, we did that. I had no idea. I forgotten all about it. And it's because I wasn't there. I was disappointing to hear that. It was such a great time. You know, he just remembers it so fondly and, and here, I don't even remember doing it. That story is really just expands through all of those years of things that I don't remember. I'm sure I had some good moments over those years and times that I enjoyed and even getting married and all of that stuff was all. That's all. Awesome. My I'm trying to think about things right now. And I just the recall is not there. And, you know, set to answer your question. I mean, I, I was in full survival mode. I was unconsciously just moving through the world trying to figure it out, trying to stay alive. Trying to trying to still like build a life, honestly, I was like I was I was getting married, I was figuring out a career and trying to do all those things. And I had all of that stuff playing, playing up here, go on your shit. You don't deserve any of this. You know what I mean? And that's the, you know, that's the narrative. That's the that's the record playing on repeat in my head. You can imagine a ran into a number of brick walls, just trying to sort that all out and being super confused as to why, like, what's going on? Why do I keep having these struggles? Why do I keep feeling so much pain? Why can't I just break free of it? You know, and build the life that I see everybody else building you know, and still dealing with all of the other trauma in my life and, and family like generational trauma. You know, I was I wasn't aware of it. I wasn't conscious to any of it at the time, I sure am now but like, I have a lot going on. And I couldn't I couldn't be there for any of it. That I don't know, I there's there's a part of me that's obviously devastated that I can't remember so many things. And there's another part of me that has learned to to accept that. You know, and sort of be grateful for it. Because it because I got through it. It did keep me alive. I feel like I found a way to stick around. And if that meant, you know, 20 years of unconscious being then then so be it. You know what I mean? Like obviously I can't change it, but it was it's it's almost like it's missing out on 20 years.

Juli Wenger:

It's so powerful to hear you talk about that. Because I think that sometimes there is a lack of understanding around how big of an impact this can have. Right there are there are people who don't understand and I think often that comes from not a bad place but just ignorance right? Not having been there. But then the challenges we place our stories from our own ignorance on to survivors, like Oh, just, you know, go to do some counseling and you'll be fine. Like, just move past it just, you know, choose not to be a victim just you know, like it's and that stuff's harmful, because we don't understand how deep this stuff is and how how much survival mode can show up. Like, if you talk about and essentially 20 years of survival and dissociation. That's a big deal. Yeah.

Keith Faria:

Yeah. And it's, you know, and it's, I mean, you can, you can compound that with all of the thoughts that are going on in my in my head, and paranoia, and terror. You heard, you know, you heard me talk about not sleeping for 35 years. I can't, I can't close my eyes. Because when I do, I don't like what I see. Therefore, I'm not going to sleep. And so I only started sleeping. You know, two, two or so years ago, three years ago, going through my whole life with just the thinking of going crazy. Looking in the mirror thinking someone's watching me, not wanting to be alone. Not wanting to be with people at the same time, and not wanting to speak up about anything. I'm always I've always just been a shadow, you know what I mean? And it's like, just floating through life that way. Almost like I'm here, but I don't I don't matter. I'm irrelevant. And then at the same time, I've got incredible stories going on in my, in my mind about who I am. What am I doing here? It just, I don't know. It's, it's a nightmare. Honestly. It didn't matter if I was asleep or awake, it didn't matter. Everything was shitty. That way, like, I couldn't get any relief, I couldn't get a couldn't get a vacation from my, from my mind. And when it's an especially when it's filled with really, really awful thoughts, ugly memories, and like, I'm talking the war stuff, like my self talk back then. Just wasn't okay. And I was like, I was very, very sick. And so trying to paint a picture of what it's like to be me and my first 30 some years of my life is, it's a bit depressing, honestly. But it's, but it's, it's the way it went. And I think it's really important for people to understand just how bad it is. And you can't, you can't just say, oh, man, you just, you know, you got to get you got to go for a walk, or you got to just start exercising or Hey, read this book. It's it's often been my challenge with coaches and speakers and people who, who are just like, you know, you just don't have purpose. You need vision. You know, let's write down some goals. And I'm like, Yeah, but what if I hate myself? What if I can't? What if I can't even? What if I can't get out of bed? What if I can look in the mirror? What if, like, underneath at all? Like I can write goals with the best of them. But I don't believe them. I don't think I deserve them. I don't even know if they're mine. And underneath all of that I'm shit anyway. So goals don't matter. In this in this space. So there's no there is no just get over it or, Hey, man, be happy. You know, yes. If so much in your life that you have to be happy about.

Juli Wenger:

It's not a gratitude cure.

Keith Faria:

It's not a Yeah, there's no that's not. The cure is work. I'm doing it. It's it's a lot of work. It's rewiring, it's unlearning programming. It's honestly it's creating, it's redefining everything from self worth, to creating safe environments, creating safe relationships. Like literally unlearning love and intimacy and starting over. And, and just in really healing, getting to acceptance and then creating new. And that's, you know, I'm 20 years into that.

Juli Wenger:

So I'd love to go there a little bit into this journey back to yourself. And I know because we've talked about this, this isn't I'm there. I'm on the other side of done. And everyone who listens to this podcast on any regular basis knows that I don't believe there's any there regardless of whether we're talking about you know, trauma Recovery or just living our purpose and being ourselves and being whole and authentic. It's a journey, everything is a journey, life's a journey. And in the journey you're going on now? What's that looks like? And what are you learning about? Who Keith actually is?

Keith Faria:

You know, for me, I think just the way my, maybe the way my brain works is I've done and I'm continuing to do a full audit on everything, and just trying to be just picking something off my emotional shelf, dusting it off, let's have a look at it. Is it mine? Yes or no? No. Okay, toss it. If it's mine, and let's, let's start a new relationship with that thing. Your if that, whatever that is, and it's some, some things are easier than others and, and some things have taken me years to heal or acknowledge or, and on top of it, you know, I've got two boys, 14 and 12, that have a big job to do to raise them. You know, there's a lot to that. Not only, not only am I doing a bunch of this work, to break this cycle of, you know, multi generational trauma, and figure out who I am. What's this all about, you know, I've got, you know, I've got two boys now that are watching every move I make, listening to the things I say, on and on. And so, you know, this is a, you know, this becomes a mission that I'm very serious about. I mean, obviously, you know, what I was talking about earlier, is that there were many points in my life where I wasn't gonna be here anymore. Now I'm here, and I have two other humans hanging out with me. And I want to do everything I can to help pour their foundation point, you know, the right way. So that they don't have to grow up in with all sorts of exposure to this kind of trauma. And, you know, again, I, I take that mission very, very seriously, because there's no chance I want them to go through any of that, right. And so, you know, my boys are getting to live a very healthy, balanced life, they get to be kids, they just get to do regular things like play baseball, and hockey, and Taekwondo and all that stuff. And, obviously, it brings me a lot of a lot of joy. And I've reached a place in my, in my journey towards acceptance, that I can do both at the same time. When I do make mistakes, I can own them and talk to my boys about them and, and show them my humaneness. And, and that it's okay. You know, and they get to see that and in their father, and, you know, we build a lot of trust that way. And, you know, and I feel like I've done a really good job of that. And so this place that I'm at in my life now is, you said early on, like, there is no finish line to the, to the work I do. But I'm at a place in it. On that ride, where I can, can function, I can do good things. I can talk about things, I can share my story. And I can still do healing work. I have more to do, I still have, like, I got stuff, I still have things that I need to work through. And, and it's, I'm really happy about that I'm in a place now where I'm not. I'm not at risk of suicide anymore. past that I'm, I'm no longer medicating with cocaine and alcohol in trouble. I've been able to get to that, you know, I'm at that spot where I when when the dark cloud shows up. And it does. I don't default to that old behavior. And, you know, so much of so much of what's what I've learned is about context and perspective, even. Just being able to look at things differently has allowed me to get closer to acceptance on a lot of the things that happened. I'm able to just look at things differently now and just go, there's so much good now that can come out of this. And like even just helping one person give them the confidence to just get some help or even just create a safe moment for that person where they can just be is incredibly helpful and learning how to have i guess learning how to do it and being able to contribute in that way has been huge and my boys just get to they get to see it it becomes okay to talk to them about all of this which are the two hardest guys to talk to about this i can talk to them about it and share it and then show them how to be resilient and how to fight there's ups and downs to everything and and that the sun comes out and as you know i'm so committed to my work i'm so committed to helping others and i'm so committed to raising my boys that you know there's really just nothing that gets in the way of that it's turned into a complete shift which is awesome so fun much more fun to be here

Juli Wenger:

let's talk a little bit about the broader impact of this because one of the things that first really caught my attention when i started paying attention to sexual violence and especially childhood sexual trauma was the flow through effect it has on issues like homelessness addiction suicide like so many of the challenges that we see as a society can stem back to this

Keith Faria:

to be a part of it

Juli Wenger:

and i hear that in your story right like drugs and numbing and and what do you see as maybe a way for us to create some real impact there

Keith Faria:

yeah i think it's multi layered because for sure like you know the impact of you know the this this type of trauma the impact that it has on people and i'm sure we both read and been exposed to all the different stats as to homeless homelessness suicides people who are in prison are in trouble like there's so much so much of that is rooted in trauma and on top of it there are seemingly regular people operating in our world on a daily basis who've experienced massive trauma and their life just hadn't gone that way i can tell you i was on more than one occasion one decision away from being right there too and so i believe that step one to me like step one for me if i'm thinking about it is to do everything we can to remove judgment especially self judgment self judgment is way heavier than judgment of others because i really believe that step one is all about safety i never felt safe and so i built not only a really amazing body of armor around myself growing up but then i doubled up and went with a nice brick wall that surrounded me wherever i went and so there was no getting in and so much of that was self judgment i thought armor would help me on the inside and it doesn't it just doesn't no one so many people when they learn my story as an adult people that i've known in my passes said keith i had no idea i get that because i didn't show it but on the inside i was an absolute turmoil really no end in sight and so so much of what i want to do with people is help them soften judgment the self judgment as best as possible create a safe space safe environment for them to just be right i don't want to say hey man just read a book i get it there's no book it's it's just this human acknowledgement and understanding like i understand like i really understand and it's okay and you're okay and we can sit here and talk about it or we can sit here in silence whatever you need and the reason i the reason i feel so strongly about that is because that was my experience and you know my my first my first real exposure to any of this was years ago i went to my first little warriors luncheon and vited by a friend and and i was just i couldn't have been more uncomfortable i can just imagine all the stuff going on inside of me walking into this giant building full of people who are judging the shit out of me is what is what is what i'm telling myself and it was awful i wanted to just rip my skin off like i went i don't know i was compelled to go i was interested and terrified at the same time and at that lunch and i met glory for the first time and then she introduced me to theo flurry who was the keynote that night and i got to talk to two people for the first time just shooting the shit right like we're just talking and i say shooting the shit it wasn't a it wasn't a light conversation with glory it was a very heavy painful story but it was we were just talking and i could still barely get it out but there she was just talking away you know glory's she's unbelievable you know she's so strong and and i was just the shell at the time but what it what she did for me was i got to feel like a normal person for the 20 minutes that we were talking or half an hour i got to feel like i was in a community of people who understand what's going on or or they don't understand but they're here to support and just do their thing and glory was this person that just gave me you know she gave me herself in her time and and we just sat at a regular table at the event and just talked and she didn't try and fix anything she didn't give me any of that surface level sort of superficial stuff it was she was just so empathetic and compassionate and just understanding and it was amazing and it was the you know again i i'm not sure i was 30 yet well maybe i know i had to but i'm sorry i was i was in my early 30s when i went to that and and she would have been the first person that i talked to where i were actually felt normal she was just the first person put in front of me and and just i don't know she just you know she was i felt safe in that at that table sitting with her talking in and then you know it just kind of grew from there and i the reason i wanted to share that story is because that's all i needed i didn't i didn't need this huge i don't know intervention or here's what we're gonna do or keith here's how we can make you feel better i got to talk to somebody who i knew understood without a doubt there's no degree on her wall she's not trying to prescribe me anything we're just two people talking and and that's what i need you know i very very much want to help in any way i can help other people just have that understanding that okay this this person gets it and this person's not going to try and fix me or this person is not going to you know i like i want to be able to build that trust and create that safety for people because i it's the same as what did i need when i was a kid it's it's it's simple but i think as humans we're so a lot of a lot of people are so like they just want to help so badly that just fix this just fix the here how will we do this and it's in their heart is in the right place but it's it's not the it's not the the magic elixir right it's trauma is disconnection trauma is i'm not safe and so what i need in my life more than anything is connection and safety and until i get that you're not getting anything out of me how can how can you right and so because i know that i want to be able to provide that for other people and myself i have to remind myself sometimes that i'm safe

Juli Wenger:

it's it strikes me as compassion And it's really, I think, an important thing to drive home of. Especially forex. You hear these stories, right? I hear these stories about, someone talks about their experience. And it's like, my friends just, they disappeared. Like, they didn't know how to handle it, they just disappeared. And I think sometimes that comes from a space of like, overwhelm, and I don't know what to do. So I'm just like, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna hide from it, I can't handle it. And what's so important to me, and what's landing for me listening to you today is the power of being compassionate, just showing up and not fixing, not thinking that you have all the answers to go fix this person that you care about, but just to be compassionate show up

Keith Faria:

Well it, especial y after I shared with you that I m 20 years in. So there's n , there's no fix. Right? It's n t a, hey, just go to this progr m for a week and you'll be fin . Right? doesn't work that wa . Compassion goes a long way. A d I'm not even talking abo t someone's journey, you kno , healing journey, or whatever t is they're going to do. I'm ju t talking about allowing somebo y to feel safe for a moment. A d what, and what can come wi h that, like, what the potenti l is, when someone has gone the r whole lives not feeling saf , and then suddenly, they get so e safety, they get a little bit f a soft landing spot. That c n mess people up to write, lik , Wait a second, this s different. Is this what safe y is? Now do I trust it? Like it s a it's a mind? It can be a mi d warp, you know? And so it s like, that's why there's o like, there's no, you know, r d button to just like rocket sh p into a mall, right? It's o e like, one step one breath at a time. Let's, let's get th t trust and safety. And let's ju t start there. And then, and th n see what comes of it. Because I think from there, for me, when I got that glimmer of hope, li e I'm talking pinhole sized hop , when I called my boss, it's a l I needed. And then the rest ju t goes from there kept me aliv . So people who I believe th t people like regular peop e dealing with trauma, or peop e that end up homeless or n prison, or what have you, I I just believe that everyone dea s with pain differently. I kn w people who have built absolu e empires and are millionaire , and are toxic inside. And I' e know I know, people have nothi g in there, but they're heali g and they're, they're happy to e happy today. You know, a d that's, that's such a win. And I don't judge any of it. I don t judge the person who builds n empire. And is hasn't done th t work yet. And I don't judge t e guy who's homeless. Because li e I said, I was for sure. A decision away many times fr m being homeless, in jail, dead. I don't even know. Right. And , you reminded me of the list. T e most common, I guess, long te m impacts for trauma. I have t e list here. It's you know, it s guilt, shame, self blame, l w self esteem, depressio , physical health issues. I got a list of those eating disorder , self harm, suicide, drug a d alcohol abuse, sexu l promiscuity, teen pregnanc , prostitution, issues wi h relationships and intimac , crime and violence and extre e financial consequences. That s the list i that i rattled off t the gala and I check off a l t of these. This is all about se f worth. This is all about traum , and just the impact of it a l and these are the you know, th s is some big stuff like this li t is big. And I believe that ear y intervention, like the Be bra e Ranch is an absolute godsend. I don't spend a lot of ti e thinking about it, but I thi k about what if I could have g t help at 10? Yeah, what els

Juli Wenger:

That's what gives me hope. That's what and when we're having these calls conversations that are there heavy. Yeah, there is this incredible potential. And this ability for us to do something about it, for us to continue to break the cycles like you're doing in your family, with your boys. And for us to do that on a larger scale where we collectively show up and focus on, how do we prevent? Which little warriors does do the work around? And how do we treat? And how do we treat early so we can get out in front of the longer term consequences? And the longer term consequences from a human perspective from looking at? How could that have shifted the trajectory of your life? How does that shift the trajectory of individual survivors? Not just, you know, what are the impacts on our long term health care and, you know, support system community support, like, yes, there's an element of that that's a, you know, a flow through reality of us doing the work and showing up but for these humans, these people who are born, lovable, and loved and purposed robbed have so much potential, in not, you know, being protected in the first place or supported afterwards. And given treatment options are so much potential for us to create change.

Keith Faria:

Completely agree and, you know, the, you know, I don't know where things are gonna go with our ability to stop or slow down the abuse that's going on, like, it's an epidemic around around the world. And, but at the very least, if, if something does happen, and we can intervene quickly, and instead of, instead of having this child still in the environment, which they were abused and betrayed, and, and literally, like, it's a theft, you know, what I mean, that occurs, being able to get children into a place, like the Be brave Ranch, for example, is, it's unbelievable, you know, like, and I think of just the, just the simple things of being able to be a kid, you know, being able to just can't change what happened. But let's see, what we can do. See what how this can go. And for me, as a guy, who, who's still doing this, as an adult, I look at it and go, like, I'm pretty happy with where I'm at. And I can imagine a child getting that treatment and just getting to go, have, you know, I guess be put back on on a path or on a track, where they can just go make the most out of their lives, I think is

Juli Wenger:

like giving them their life back.

Keith Faria:

It really is. And it starts with a simple, such a simple intervention. It's just not difficult. And, but I think so much of it is the awareness of it. And a child only needs one person to jump in and go, you know, I got you, you don't need to wear a cape, you don't need to, you know, just sit beside that child and go, Okay, what do we got to do? Again, it's a measurable, you know, the potential child that's able to get that treatment at a very early age, like a, it excites me to know that there are some kids that are getting it, obviously, trying to help more get it and, and at the same time, help adults. Yeah. Because a lot of adults carrying it around like I like I did. And, because I understand the hell, that's, it's a prison in here, you know, and I, because I understand that I, you know, I'm very, very, very motivated to help people, you know, in any way, just get a little bit of relief on that, even if it's 1%. You know, it's still very much worth it.

Juli Wenger:

Thank you so much for being vulnerable, and sharing your story and talking with us about this, and creating more awareness.

Keith Faria:

It's, it's my pleasure, Juli. I've been ooking forward to talking to ou in this way for a long, long ime. You know, you know what 'm trying to do and, and I am illing to talk and share my tory and any way that I can elp anybody. I'm happy to do t. And I just I'm so grateful hat you gave me the platform to ave this conversation. Before I orget. I wanted to let you know ecause you don't know this yet, ut I'm speaking at the next ala, November The 6th, Gonna nee you to be

Juli Wenger:

I'm down, we'll p t a link in the show notes for anyone who's in the area. And quick shout out for the li tle warriors luncheon tha is happening in May, it is virt al. So no matter where you ar in the world, you can come and oin us and support a re lly incredible organization d ing world class work. They are one of a k

Keith Faria:

These fundraisers are critical as you know, Juli, t's, you know, one child, one hild to go through that program s $25,000. So the the undraising is never ending. And here's no government funding, here's no nothing. And so, you now, it all comes from amazing umans that feel strongly about his and want to help kids out. nd so please, please, everybody ttend that lunch and if you an, and in any way that you can elp, we're super, super rateful.