The Becoming Ourselves Podcast

Wisdom Bombs with Jane Jenkins Herlong

March 31, 2021 Juli Wenger Season 1 Episode 28
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
Wisdom Bombs with Jane Jenkins Herlong
Chapters
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
Wisdom Bombs with Jane Jenkins Herlong
Mar 31, 2021 Season 1 Episode 28
Juli Wenger

Jane Jenkins Herlong is a southern humorist, speaker, and author. This is a conversation full of wisdom bombs. We talked about everything from laughter as a resilience tool to being a stealth bomber mama to the kinds of people we surround ourselves with, and so much more. Be prepared to laugh, she is hilarious, and she found really interesting ways to challenge me so I hope you'll be challenged too and enjoy this episode.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Jane Jenkins Herlong Website: https://janeherlong.com/

Becoming Ourselves The Summit https://www.juliwenger.com/becomingourselvesthesummit

CONNECT WITH ME

Instagram: @juliwenger

Facebook: - ww.facebook.com/becomingourselvespodcast

LinkedIn: Juli Wenger 

Website: https://www.juliwenger.com/

Show Notes Transcript

Jane Jenkins Herlong is a southern humorist, speaker, and author. This is a conversation full of wisdom bombs. We talked about everything from laughter as a resilience tool to being a stealth bomber mama to the kinds of people we surround ourselves with, and so much more. Be prepared to laugh, she is hilarious, and she found really interesting ways to challenge me so I hope you'll be challenged too and enjoy this episode.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Jane Jenkins Herlong Website: https://janeherlong.com/

Becoming Ourselves The Summit https://www.juliwenger.com/becomingourselvesthesummit

CONNECT WITH ME

Instagram: @juliwenger

Facebook: - ww.facebook.com/becomingourselvespodcast

LinkedIn: Juli Wenger 

Website: https://www.juliwenger.com/

Juli Wenger:

Welcome to the becoming ourselves podcast where we believe that you were created on purpose with purpose and for a purpose. I'm Julie winger and empowerment and identity coach and enneagram two committed to helping you step out of overwhelm perfectionism and self sabotage. listen in to learn how to take back your power, uncover the stories and patterns that keep you small, and lean in to living your most powerful, purposeful and passionate life. Let's dive in. This week on the podcast, we have a southern humorist and author Jane Jenkins her along and joining us, this is a conversation full of wisdom bombs. We talk about everything from laughter as a resilience tool to being a stealth bomber mama to the kinds of people we surround ourselves with, and so much more. So tune in for this one. And be prepared to laugh because this is a woman who has wrote multiple books, like rhinestones on my flip flops, bare feet to high heels and burry me with my pearls. She is a speaker, she is hilarious. And she found really interesting ways to challenge me. So I hope you'll be challenged to and enjoy this episode. I am really excited to have you on the show today. Thank you. So here's we're gonna start. This is one of my favorite questions when we start a lot of podcasts this way. What makes Jane interesting, and why are you here?

Jane Jenkins:

Because I think I'm a cellophane kind of person. I'm super transparent. And I was reared that way my parents were very down to earth and honest. So I'm very thankful that I am also I consider myself the journey of continuing that legacy. And someone asked me my opinion, you get to a certain age where you just spout it out. But I learned to communicate a little bit better than that. But I guess I'm just the kind of person I've never liked being in a clinic. I've always been kind of an independent person, I'm comfortable by myself. I think you have to like yourself to be comfortable with yourself. And then you get to know yourself so much better. So you feel you understand your parameters. And you're the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Julie is defined my boundaries and borders. Yeah. And that's, that's been the biggest challenge. And it came at the ripe old age of 52. I can say that's when I started to realize that everybody needs a hedge of protection. And that's really kind of a biblical thing to

Juli Wenger:

Yeah, I often think of boundaries in terms of a gate and a fence. Right? What are we letting him What are we not letting in? Now you're an author, or you're a speaker and you call yourself a southern humorist? Correct? So for those of us who are up here in Canada, that are saying, What's a sourthern? humourist? Can you give us some context on what that looks like?

Jane Jenkins:

Or you say, what's the southern humerus? a? Is it a?

Juli Wenger:

I'm sure there's parts of Canada where that exists. But it's so funny, right? Because from one end of the country to the other, I have family in New Brunswick, so north of Maine, and they tell me I sound English. And they sound like Boston ours to me. So the alrighty is wrong.

Jane Jenkins:

So is Southern humerus is someone who sees a story and can tell the story where it has some legs to it, whether it's just a laugh, or it's a point. But more for a comedian would be a big Haha, a quick Haha, maybe short story. Whereas a humorous, we expand on that there is a life lesson somewhere. We may have a story within a story. So I got a new one. You want to hear my new one. I

Juli Wenger:

do want to hear your new one. Buckle up. Yeah, buckle up. This is true. Now I have to take it from a southern perspective. That is my perspective. But I told it the other day, I actually did a live presentation for a medical group. And it was a groaner. You know, like, Ah, so, that didn't work. So I got in touch with a speaker friend of mine. So what am I doing wrong? He said, Well, you got to tell it in context. So here's the context. I'm actually going to do a live performance tomorrow. And I'm telling this, but as it turned out, I did. I'm thinking that Julie how, what are people going to say about us during this trialing this trial that we've had this last year? What are they gonna say? We're going to talk about folks that maybe we've heard stories down generations, I don't know. But here's mine. I'm walking to the grocery store trying to find toilet paper and there's none. Absolutely none. And all of a sudden it dawns on me, my brain starts to spin. I'm going, Oh, coffee filters, you know, anything. I mean, because we just didn't have it. That sounds interesting, right? So then I'm telling a friend of mine, golly, ice. This is crazy. She said, Tell me about it. I ran out of hand sanitizer. So I did what they said, I got the aloe vera and the alcohol and I'm such a bad cook. I ended up making a margarita. And then, and then I said, Yeah, me, I can't. So all these masks how to make a mask how to make a mask. I can't so so I got a pair of Spanx. I put one leg hole from my, you know, in my fit on my face, like, you know, over most of it, and then I pulled up the other leg hole and it was just covered my nose. It was perfect. So because again, so but let me tell you about my cousin Tila Roach. She was a very resourceful person, as the story goes, that she was cooking breakfast One morning, definitely a child influenced by hard times. She ran out of eggs. So she went to the chicken house, and she heard all this commotion. And she realized what the problem was, there was this chicken snake with three lumps. What she knew that was her breakfast, those were her eggs. So she pulled the snake upside down by the tail, took off her shoes, and literally work those eggs back out of that Snake's mouth, through the snake in the woods, gathered her eggs and made breakfast. So there you go. So how many of us have had to be resourceful this year? Do things we never thought we would do. And I wonder what the folks in the future are going to say about us and how we handled ourselves. So that's a work in progress, that that's a humorous story. It might not have the big ha ha ha ha. But I couldn't tell it alone. Because truly we talk about content and the snake. It's kind of like,

Jane Jenkins:

oh, because people hate snakes. So if you connect it with something that's relevant, yeah, it could work. still a work in progress. But that's the difference. Isn't that crazy, though, and that really happened. I'm not making a stitch of that up. So fun.

Juli Wenger:

We, you know, we have these stories of things we do when we have to out of survival. I remember one time I was in Peru, in high school, I went on one of those missions trips down to some village in the Amazon jungle. And we had toilets that were holes in the ground and a little outhouse, we took a little seat and we took a bag and we cut the bottom out of the bag. And one night there was a bat inside the bag cuz we just grabbed a stick and we shove the bat down through the hole and I'm sure we killed it. You know, like you just do what you have to do. and off you go. So I think we all have some kind of crazy experience or crazy story like that. But like, Oh, yeah, that's, I mean, snakes for me are That's it? Yeah,

Jane Jenkins:

I tell you, and the human spirit is remarkable. I mean, yeah, you know, as a mother, you've done things that I can't believe the stuff I've done as a mom to protect my children, oh, Lord, maybe to allow my children to hurt. You just do what instinctively, you know, is the right thing to do. And it's amazing how mothers can become Wonder Women over it over situations that they try to help their children see or understand or not enable, but just to teach a life lesson. So we've been down some interesting roads as as we mature in life.

Juli Wenger:

Let's circle back to boundaries. You're saying that was one of your biggest lessons in life. And you've said to me before that it was about becoming comfortable with the word

Jane Jenkins:

no. And being comfortable with rejection. You know, All my life I've lived by you turn the other cheek. And I believe in that. But you also have to acknowledge there are some people out there that can't wait, just let the other side when you do turn the other cheek. And those kinds of folks. I mean, Jesus gave us the best teaching, he said you knock the dust off your sandals and move on. So you're talking about we just mentioned the dark pearls. Sometimes setting boundaries and borders is hard. And you're going to have consequences for your actions. But your short term decision of creating those indelible lines in your life can have long lasting joy. And it's hard. I mean, a lot of people have to come to that realization whether you're going through a marital issue, or something with a child. I have a brother who struggles he's a wonderful person, but he started using drugs when he was probably in his early 20s. And it just seemed to grip him and I love him. But I have to keep a very careful relationship. Yep, in a very distance to what do I want that? No. Do I know it's best for me? Absolutely. Yeah. So sometimes the short term pain can be long term gain.

Juli Wenger:

Absolutely. The boundaries, I think what's interesting about them, and what makes them challenging is we have these ideas of how we're supposed to show up. And sometimes we have to let go of those because sometimes we're carrying things that aren't ours.

Jane Jenkins:

You are so right. I will tell you, Julie, I've read that somewhere. And the quote was, you can spend your entire life trying to help someone who doesn't want your help, won't take your advice, and you can ruin your life in the process, and have a miserable existence trying to do something that other person is not willing to work with you on. And a great example is someone in substance abuse, or some kind of addiction addictions come in all kinds of forms. But if that person sees no value, in moving to the next step, and getting help, and disciplining themselves, you can just ruin your life trying to hurt a cat. That doesn't work.

Juli Wenger:

Yeah. Tell us about dark pearls.

Jane Jenkins:

I've always read that dark pearls. At first, they were thrown away, when the pearl harvesters would crack open an oyster shell. And they thought it a freak of nature, then they started realizing that a freak of nature is the most valuable Pearl, one out of every 10,000 pearls, naturally is a dark pearl. So there was value there. And I use that analogy in our own lives when we have darkness. If we can come to conclusion with our darkness, we can wear the pearl proudly, without the pearl wearing us. Sadly, a lot of women are defined by their sadness, like, oh, there's so and so comma, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, you know, I'd rather the blah, blah be something really positive. Like, oh, Jane always tries to see the good things in life. And, and I like she's a good friend. I don't want Oh, bless her heart. Poor little thing. You know what happened, right? You don't want that. So dark pearls, if they are handled properly, should be proudly displayed. Everybody figuratively should have a strand of pearls with every seed Pearl, which means Hey, I made a good decision here. This was a small thing that made a big difference. Here's some irregular pearls. That's comedy humor, strange stuff happens. How do you handle it? And then you got the dark pearl. Oh, man, I can't wait to call that person. I watched how they handle the crisis in their lives. I need that in my life. So to me, those are three very valuable pearls to string on your strand.

Juli Wenger:

Yeah. And you've had some crisis that you've come through as part of your own journey of becoming you.

Jane Jenkins:

Yes, I have. And something that I never thought would happen in my own family was we, we had an issue when my father died. And there was some stuff that was buried that I had no idea with siblings. And it was shocking. And it was my mother had to spend a lot of money to get my daddy's estate back in order. And it just wrecked relationships and they're still wrecked. That doesn't mean I don't speak that I don't forgive. It just means once again, that boundary and border, that's very important to realize that there are some people you can have in the center of your radar screen called life. And there are some people that might start out in the center, but you know, to move them to the edge. And there are some people who would like to be back on that screen, but they never go make that cut. And that's just wisdom. I mean, I think it is very important that we forgive. But I think we have to remember without our forgiveness being marred or tainted. Forgiveness is for me, it's for you. It's not for the person that we feel Vanessa has wronged us is for us to have a clarity and a clean heart. I read something the other day Julie was so good. It said, Take care of your demons. If you don't. They go into the recesses of your soul and start to lift weights. They get bigger and stronger.

Juli Wenger:

And we talk about stories like that, right? The stories we tell ourselves about who we are, are those unknown ones to us that are running in our subconscious and this is exactly it. And what I love about our conversations as you bring these was just like you were saying before, these visuals, these stories that have an underlying theme or an underlying lesson to them, that really help give it handles that help people latch on to okay what's the context around that And I'll look at stories with people and say, you know, these underlying beliefs or these patterns or these narratives that are running, you may not know they're running, but they're still there. They're still behind the scenes, and they're dictating behaviors and choices and the path of your life, right. And that very much Lance, for me with this analogy of, you know, lifting weights even it's like the stories lifting weights in the background, and they're taking your power until you take it back. And to tie in, even to the you know, the dark pearls analogy of, we can wear it, we can take it and say this is something I own, and that I've worked through and chosen to overcome, or this is something that I can try and shove and burry and leave in the background, but it's still there.

Jane Jenkins:

And it's gone, it's going to pop up. If you don't deal with it properly, it will just manifest itself, it's been lifting weights. So who knows where it's going to show up again. But the wise person will look at that, too. I've always said Life is like a tube of toothpaste. And the key to the bottom of the tube is live stress. So you turn the key, what comes out of the top of that tube of toothpaste is what's in your heart. You can't shove it back in. But the wise person will look and deal with it. And try to try to have like we talked about, have a message out of the mess, and grow and learn and so many people get certain age to be honest. And no, don't tell me what to do. I don't want to live this long like that. Well, why not just keep trying to get in touch with the better version of you? That you possibly can. That to me is life is like Zig Ziglar said, we're not human beings. We're human becoming, we should always be growing and learning. I mean, I showed you my drone. I don't know how to fly a drone. But I've had fun learning. I mean, the it's just, it's just technology what you know, why not? Stretch your mind do something different step out of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself be be courageous. And and unless you if you decide not to do that you really never going to know your full potential. And even if you do, you're not gonna know your full potential.

Juli Wenger:

You mentioned wisdom. wisdoms come up to you when we've chatted before and specifically around creating communities and where I want to lean into this a little bit. So we've talked about Wow, women of wisdom. This weekend, I was thinking about this as listening to Michelle Obama's book becoming. And there's all these becoming themes in my life, hence becoming ourselves. Anyway, I was listening to her book, and she was talking about how she's always kept a committee of women in her life. And I think regardless of if we're talking to our male listeners, or our female listeners right now, this concept of having a group of people that call you up, and that support you, and that you can lean on is something that's really been landing. So tell our listeners about wows.

Jane Jenkins:

We should surround ourselves with women of wisdom. Most of the time, you will seek them out as older. Sometimes they're younger. But whatever the age of folks that have been through trials and tribulations I was reading on Facebook today, one of our church members had no idea that he had lost both of his parents tragically. And the comments that he made, were so wise. And he's probably half my age. But I can't wait to sit down and just get to know him better on that level. But I surrounded myself with some older women in our community, and I just adored and I could just quote their their stories, which one was very well off and her husband was not faithful. And after she got to be about 7080 years old, and she decided to divorce him and start over and a lot of finances were lost. And she started completely financially on her own. I admired that. And I've got another woman that I just adored and days when I would be missing my mother because we were very close and she passed away I would go visit Virginia. And she just always had a perspective and because a lot of people that have lived a long time they are library of in amazing stories, amazing information. So she thought I was visiting her and I was but I just needed to hear her too. So I was being selfish to just to have her knowledge and she was a lot of fun. So the goal is is to become that to someone else. And you it's like passing down pearls. Here are my pearls of wisdom that I've accumulated I'm going to give it to you so you can share it with someone else that you typically speaking. So I really believe in the power of the Wow. And for men it would be the mo the men of wisdom. But you have to surround yourself with people that love you unconditionally. There are very few that have your best interests at heart. And love you enough to tell you the truth. I was just with one of my good friends she's at. She just married for the second time, which is really wonderful. In fact, she's in my book, my my fifth book to do tomorrow. I call it the southern sisters second time around, and it's The Sweetest story. But she's a wow for me. And she's tells me the truth. I mean, we went shopping the other day, and I had the cutest little shirt. And she looked at me and she said, Ah, that's way too old for you put it up. And I said, You know what, you're right. And I trust her. So even down to the little things like clothing, it's nice to have a wow friend that is honest.

Juli Wenger:

Yeah, having those communities that that we can show up in and know that we're not going to face shame, that we're not going to face undue criticism, but that we also have people who will call us out on our crap.

Jane Jenkins:

And let me tell you, that is a good friend, if their only agenda is for you to be better. That's a good friend. And a lot of times, we will trust someone that is not their agenda. And we have to recognize that very quickly. And not let that get down into our minds. Again, we don't want that demon to lift weights. We don't want that. It's hard. I mean, my mother was wise. And she would tell me things that would happen. And I think that can't possibly mean she could see it before I did. And she wouldn't have me on it. But when it came about, she wouldn't say I told you. So. I do that with my daughter. I don't dare do that. But I'll say I want you to be careful with this, Caroline, be careful with that I can see this coming, told her lots about some of her friends. And it's all come into, she sees it now. But a lot of times, we just have to have that own experience with it. So it resonates in a stronger message. And a lot of times, the more we try to tell our children, this and that and the other, we're actually in the way. And if we move, they can see it quicker and more clearer.

Juli Wenger:

I'm just gonna sit with that one for a minute, because my six year old, oh, Lord, like being a mom to a six year old is no joke. grade one is hard. They're figuring out all the socialization. And I mean, I have to lean into some of my Bernie brown stuff real heavy of they need to experience growth and resilience. And I can go in and they can be in, you know, she calls it darkness, right? this analogy of they're sitting in the dark, and they're upset, something's gone sideways, something is a big deal in their world. And I mean, even just remembering the context of a six year olds context, everything they're experiencing is very real to them. And it's a very big deal to them, even though to me as an adult, it's like, yeah, that's really, really that's what you're upset about, you know, so I get to remember that, but then it's also remembering not to just go in and flip on the light switch and try to fix it. But to allow her to develop the resilience, and learn the lessons and go on her own journey or true. That is so challenging.

Jane Jenkins:

That's the journey of parenting is when when do you stop? And when do you pick up the reins? and picking up the reins? What are you doing? And you've even seen the helicopter moms. I told somebody one time that I had to become a stealth bomber, Mama. I called it the mama mama. And there's some time to do that. But it's a real challenge. You know, I mean, you want to jerk up some of those little girls in class and choke them. Yeah. That could be some thing mean to your little sweet child. So yeah, there are times and again, that's where wisdom is key. And talking to older parents, like what did you do? And they'll be honest, if they're honest, they'll say, well don't do what I did. I tried to sail in and fix it all. I wish I hadn't done that. So that's the thing you take to your community that you talked about, you have to have a real strong community.

Juli Wenger:

Yeah, and I still appreciate. Now you even in having this conversation, that we could talk about stuff like this. And it's just centering. There's something grounding about that. And that's really why I wanted to touch into this. Women of wisdom, men of wisdom thing, and who are we surrounding ourselves with? Because that's not context that I always remember. And I think too, I'm curious for your thoughts on this. finding people who share some similarity in terms of personality right you and i are both powerful humans we both have a big energy to us and if i'm talking to a parent who is really laid back and low key and never struggles with controlling anything they just you know let go naturally how they handle things may not land for me because i by nature i'm you know high achieving i like to control the things i like to fix i you know all of that shows up so finding people who are more aligned with us but who will still challenge us i think is an important piece of this

Jane Jenkins:

i agree with that yet those laid back people i think wish i was more like that maybe i could look at some of that but it might not be the way i want to totally come across but maybe that there's just a lesson like i told you about the content a story about the snake i would never do that because it did it was determined that that was her breakfast then came up hard and she's gonna get those eggs but i mean she was extremely extremely laid back she diffused anger with humor one time at school she was retiring 42 years and a parent came up with their fist in her face and lady i got a good man did knock your teeth down your throat she said i'll save you the trouble she took out her dentures now who would have thought but what a great way to handle stuff like that she diffused the moment with humor my mother told me that always try to find something funny so i love people that can do that and i try to but it sometimes it takes me 20 minutes to go oh i should have said that i should have done that that would have worked so you can learn so the question is how much of that do you put in your own little basket of consideration do i want to do that what have i learned from that is that just totally not gonna work for me i mean it's interesting how different people parent and then you see you see some of the best kids come out of parents that just say whatever yeah you know y'all are do the best you can you know my my father in law always said that he would ride down the road and see children playing outside in a mud puddle and he says my mother in law would not even think about children walking in a mud puddle he said they probably had the best immunity system of all he always said that because my mother in law was was very very clean freak i mean sanitize and her children would walk outside and one being my husband and my father was a galley they get deathly ill and no immunity so i mean just little things like that you see parents that are that are letting their kids do this and that and i don't know it just it's just a different way of looking at things and some things i can embrace and others like oh i don't believe that's that's gonna work for me or my family

Juli Wenger:

well there's an element there of trusting yourself of paying attention to the tension right like andy stanley says i love that of pay attention to the tension because either there can be a tension because it's not aligned for me or there's a tension because it's flagging and mirroring back something that i really need to get curious about something that there's some growth in for me

Jane Jenkins:

yep and that quote i tell you about the demons lifting weights andy stanley had that up on the screen i took that picture put it on facebook a lot of people commented about it as we've got stuff that can bury bara deep and it just rears its ugly head and it might take a long time but man when you see it please do yourself a favor and everybody else and deal with it it's not right to punish a bunch of people for something one person did to you it's just not right it's not right for you it's not healthy i call it mental wealth to i've always said let's be mentally wealthy now how do we do that well that's a good question i mean if you don't challenge yourself put yourself in situations and laugh at yourself like this happened to us yesterday we live in in a peach farm we have beautiful peach trees so a good friend of mine asked me if a friend of hers could take a few pictures well that few pictures turned into way too much time and it made us a little bit nervous because we leased the property to a family and we had already said yes and they had decided that they weren't going to be allowing people anymore in the orchard so after the person left my daughter said mom i found her on facebook and thomas had just sent her a nice little message about i'm sorry we can't do that again so i went this big ol thing thank goodness i was nice i got this response back the bottom line it was the wrong person so i just had to laugh at myself for being and i saw as i'm so Sorry, I feel like I was trying to find a picture on my Facebook page of a mule like jackass. I feel like a jackass. So I just had to laugh at off. And then I told my call my daughter and she went to stare at she said, Oh, mama, no, I said, Yeah, It was the wrong person! Same name photography, same place, same pindrop for pictures, it was a different girl. Anyway, you got to laugh at yourself when you mess up like that.

Juli Wenger:

It's such a tool for resilience, laughter being able to look at not just what am I learning from it? But how can I find amusement in it? How can I laugh at myself with myself? Because we always say, used to always say when I was in real estate, no one dies in real estate. You know, things can go wrong. Things could go sideways made a little mistake here and there. But let's just figure out what the lesson in it. How do we let it go? and laughter has been such a helpful piece of that.

Jane Jenkins:

Well, that's, that's what I talked about when I I'll do it tomorrow. When I speak to this group. I say, you know, you saw it, I saw it on a bumper sticker. It said, the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about. And you think about you do the right thing, but your right foot in, shake it off, turn it around. That's really how to be successful in life. And throw it off fast. You know, don't keep harboring get on that wheel of misfortune. But humor is a very strong tool. And it can I mean, it has been proven it diffuses anger. And anger is not bad. But sustained anger is incredibly dangerous for your health, your mental well being. So I'm I've known people that just stay angry all the time. And boy, I'm telling you, I can't get away from them fast enough. I don't want that to mess with me. Ah, yeah.

Juli Wenger:

There's a nervous system impact of being in that space, like raises the bar on our, on our line between calm and panic, in our anxiety spectrum of how are we good? Are we centered? Are we grounded? Or are we getting a little closer to flip in the lid, so to speak, and going into that fight flight and freeze space? And that space is not good for any of our physiological systems or mental state any of it?

Jane Jenkins:

Well, you know, the Bible says that a merry heart do with good like a medicine and people love to quote that. But there's another part of that verse. And it's simply this a crushed spirit dries the bones. Now, there are a lot of crush spirits. And this sounds really crazy. Last night, I was watching the Smithsonian thing on the Coronavirus and bats. And they're wondering how in the world did the horseshoe bat virus get into the human population? Won't that mean I was I really need to watch it again. But the most interesting takeaway from that it wasn't anything to do with politics, thank God, nothing. And it was the fact that they're the bat, their habitat has been disturbed. And when their habitats are disturbed, they have sickness and viruses. And they're stressed. So they're still studying that. But if you look at any of the pictures in China, you see a lot of progress, if you want to call it that, but a lot of natural resources, a lot of habitats are destroyed. So that would cause stress in animals and the bat. I know that from our place down in Charleston, we have inherited so much wildlife. It's because the developments going crazy. We have all kinds of critters in our yard, Fox raccoons, we even got a gator. But they have nowhere to go and it breaks my heart. But there's a lot to be said on the animal kingdom as well how they deal with stress. So that's an interesting connection to where we have been this past year. And what the natural habitat and how in our own lives, we have our own natural habitats. And all of a sudden, if we have something shocking happen, I mean, it's numbing, and your brain just can't process. And then you're not able to see anything with levity. dinner yesterday with a friend of mine who just lost her husband to cancer. She just laughed and laughed and laughed and I said, she said almost feel guilty. I said Why? I think your laughter is God's way of giving you a hug science kill me. Okay, so she's finally getting her funny back. Don't lose your funny. Yep.

Juli Wenger:

That's exactly what we've seen over the last year. Is that shock to the system?

Jane Jenkins:

And it's sad. You hear people we all know are stories just lost another person that I knew last night. And it's kind of like what, you can hardly take it all in. But it's been a very tough year. I know depression is up. And I've always said people need laughter and levity and hope and Ironically, that's what my friend Margaret now we're doing this musical comedy thing tomorrow. And we call sweet tea tune Southern fried humor, and it's just singing some funny stories. And we're hoping just to translate some hope and some happiness with these folks. We'll see what happens. You know, so far it's been very well received. It's because people are tired of being sad.

Juli Wenger:

Yeah. I would love to ask you about not allowing others to others to define you, and how that's shown up for you and your journey.

Jane Jenkins:

I think I realized that when I was young, I remember going into this little shop and I was just coming into my own. And I had been tapped to be in a club. It was called It's kind of crazy was downtown Charleston, Ashley Hall girls, which is a big deal when you are young girl and I got asked to be in this certain club, and it's a pre debutante club. And I was so excited that somebody saw in me what I've always been hoping would grow. So people saw it. It was my first experience with that self awareness of Yes, I'm doing something right. Then I went into that shop after getting tapped to be in that club. And there was an older woman in there. And I shared the good news with her. And she just swiveled around and said, You and I looked behind me I thought, surely she's not talking to me. She said, You're not a downtown Charleston Peninsula, girl. You're an island girl. How did you get into that? Well, I'll never forget that it was the first thing. And I and you know, ironically, my signature speech is called don't throw tomatoes at my field of dreams. Well, that was my first tomato. So we have a choice. And I watched my parents who daddy was a hard working farmer. And I looked at my parents, I thought, Well, how do they handle that? Well, first thing they did was they took all the tomatoes, it came their way, wherever form it was in, they made catch up. Then I saw my mom, I add some spices to that catch up, and she made some salsa to me, which is humor. And then the last thing they did, which I think is funny, but course you don't want to overdo this is they would fix a Bloody Mary. So. So there's certain ways to handle things. And I don't advocate this the last for the total way to handle it's not a healthy way. But you just have to realize that you don't know what that person's dealing with. It would make them say something off the cuff. How many people Julie have stopped at the point of the breakthrough. Because somebody said, or my book, I'm dedicating it or acknowledgement to Dr. Braman gave me an F in writing, I could have let that get into my spirit, my soul my head and never written another book. But I've been fortunate so you know, I thanked him for not ugly not mean, I gave him one of my books, my assignment when I spoke from my college, and and I wasn't ugly about it, it was a motivating factor. So you have to look at things and flip it and think, you know, I don't want to paralyze me I want to motivate it. Let that motivate me to be better and not bitter. Get rid of that I because that's selfish, all about me be better. But the E in there always strive to be better in the midst of the stuff that happens. And yes, we can control it. We can control how we process it. Period. That's how you control it.

Juli Wenger:

Beautiful. Thank you so much for doing this with me today. And all of your friends. I'm going to be a stealth bomber Mama. That's what I'm adopting hashtag stealth bomber Mama.

Jane Jenkins:

Sometimes it's better than a helicopter. Let me tell you get a whole lot more.

Juli Wenger:

Now it's been a real pleasure. I'm so grateful to have you on. I've enjoyed this as always.

Jane Jenkins:

Thank you.

Juli Wenger:

It's my pleasure. So glad you could join us for this episode today and I hope that you had as much fun as I did. Speaking of fun, this is your reminder that the becoming ourselves summit is happening in June, June 18th online so you can join from anywhere that you are. Tickets are only $49 Canadian. We're working on a box to go with it experience box to stay tuned for that. And we can't wait to see you there. It's gonna be a powerful day of inspiring speakers moving musical performances, spoken word poetry breathwork dance party DJ, you won't want to miss it. Until next time, this is your loving reminder that you are loved joy, strength, light and grace. You are always enough and that laughter is the best medicine