The Becoming Ourselves Podcast

Surrendering Your Commitment to Busy

March 26, 2021 Juli Wenger Season 1 Episode 27
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
Surrendering Your Commitment to Busy
Chapters
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
Surrendering Your Commitment to Busy
Mar 26, 2021 Season 1 Episode 27
Juli Wenger

I don't know about all of you, but as a recovering overachiever, and someone who is not naturally skilled at estimating how long things are going to take, I have a tendency to end up in crunch mode. This week has been a lesson in priorities. It's been intentional in choosing where I put my energy.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

Becoming Ourselves The Summit https://www.juliwenger.com/becomingourselvesthesummit

CONNECT WITH ME

Instagram: @juliwenger

Facebook: - ww.facebook.com/becomingourselvespodcast

LinkedIn: Juli Wenger 

Website: https://www.juliwenger.com/

Show Notes Transcript

I don't know about all of you, but as a recovering overachiever, and someone who is not naturally skilled at estimating how long things are going to take, I have a tendency to end up in crunch mode. This week has been a lesson in priorities. It's been intentional in choosing where I put my energy.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

Becoming Ourselves The Summit https://www.juliwenger.com/becomingourselvesthesummit

CONNECT WITH ME

Instagram: @juliwenger

Facebook: - ww.facebook.com/becomingourselvespodcast

LinkedIn: Juli Wenger 

Website: https://www.juliwenger.com/

Juli Wenger:

Welcome to the becoming ourselves podcast where we believe that you were created on purpose with purpose and for a purpose. I'm Julie winger and empowerment and identity coach and enneagram. Two committed to helping you step out of overwhelm perfectionism and self sabotage. listen in to learn how to take back your power, uncover the stories and patterns that keep you small, and lean in to living your most powerful, purposeful and passionate life. Let's dive in. This episode was a big question mark this week. And part of what made it a question mark was this issue of priorities. I don't know about all of you. But as a recovering over achiever, and someone who is not naturally skilled at estimating how long things are going to take, I have a tendency to end up in crunch mode. I have a tendency even though I own my own business, and I get to set my own timelines and my own deadlines to end up cramming things in. Because I did not give myself enough time. Because I said yes. to myself too many times. And yes to myself in terms of this as a great idea. Where do I think it'll fit? What kind of lead time do we need on it? And not really leaving enough buffer time to really make sure that I'm ready. So this week has been a lesson in priorities. And last week has been a lesson in priorities. And if you listen to a solo episode, last week, you would have heard me talk about how, when there's too much pushing when there's too much stress, when there's this feeling of behind, my body likes to yell at me. So this week has been a bit of recovery. And it's been really intentional. It's been intentional in choosing where I put my energy. And that has meant no to something. This is one of my favorite concepts. And I learned this from Andy Stanley, who is one of my favorite humans ever. And my dream is to someday have him on the podcast. So if any of y'all have connections to Andy Stanley, let me know. Anyway, he talks about this concept of no for now, but not forever. And I've really been implying that this week, as I'm looking at what are my priorities? What are the things that I am saying yes to write now, what is the top priority? What is the thing that is going to move the needle? What is the thing that is going to best serve me? What is the thing that's going to best serve my clients, my ideal clients, the people, I love the people around me, we're going to pick those things. And sometimes that means that I have to choose to say no to things. And to be honest, my life right now, this is so beautiful, and so abundant. It is so filled with things that I want it to be filled with, because I've created it, and I curated it. But sometimes the things that I am saying no to for now, but not forever, are things that I do really want to do. They're things that I care about. They're things that matter to me. Here's the key, though, is they matter to me, less in this moment, and less in a long term capacity than the things I'm choosing. So I'm going to give you some handles. This week, here are my examples. This week, I chose to say no to a Monday lunchtime clubhouse room. I've been testing out doing a quick casual Monday, Chuck in chatting with whoever wants to show up. What's their calling? What's the courage that they are going to lean into this week? What do they want to put out there in the group? What is it that they're leaning into this week, that speaking it into a public space would support them in achieving? I enjoy that space. And when I looked at what I had on my plate for this week, and especially looking at what I had on my plate for this week in the context of my back walking up last week, and still being in recovery as I record this today, still loosening up still letting go. He said no, that's a hard No. That is not the top priority. That is not the thing that's going to move me forward. There's some FOMO Yeah, there's some concern about how are people going to perceive that of course there is. The next thing I chose to say no to was one of our live breathwork facilitator training calls. it's recorded and as much as i don't like to be one of those people that's you know signing up for things and then they're not going to them and never returning to the recordings i had to make a choice and my choice as i understood it was between two i do this thing that i do want to do i do want to show up to in this community of humans that i appreciate it's an environment that supports me but do i want to do that or is the opportunity cost too great do i want to complete a project that has a tight deadline on it that if i don't complete is going to stress me that f out that is going to put me into a feeling like i'm out of integrity with myself and that right there that behind that proverbial behind that is the kind of thing that triggers my body yelling at me i understand this my back right now is like a temperature read on my stress level and it's interesting because i was talking to other friends will talk to other people in my life and they'll have different manifestations they'll have different ways that stress shows up in their body one of my best friends had shingles and stress shows up in her body there she can gauge how she's doing by triggers that show up related to that so our bodies have intelligence and they have ways that they try to get our attention and i really believe the more we pay attention to that the more our body can use that help keep us okay help keep us neutral help keep us grounded help keep us stable and healthy so that was a no and the third thing on my list was looking at is doing a second podcast for this week really a priority is this something that i am going to choose to give my time to and i didn't think it was gonna be i really didn't i didn't think that it was going to be something that would happen and i had grace for myself because here's the thing when we set these priorities when we choose according to what is in my highest and best what's best for me what's best for the people in my life what moves me the most towards my calling and the impact that i'm creating what are the things that are secondary that don't matter quite as much that gives us the freedom to have grace for ourselves to let it go and then circle back later and look at what were the lessons what are the things that next time i'd come back stop by way of systems by way of asking sophie to keep me more on track asking her to flag for me and say nope that's a hard stop julie we need more time than that hey remember that time that you were going to launch that course and you thought that the material would only take you four hours to record and it took you 12 remember that time so we got to look at what are the lessons what are the things that we get to shift for next time around and i love that part i love the growing opportunities that come with the crunchy bits that show up in our life i also like maintaining my own control over my own life keeping my own power instead of allowing my calendar to dictate instead of allowing fear of not being enough fear of rejection fear of being perceived a certain way to roll the show here's the other thing i've been leaning into this week surrender surrender has been the most challenging thing lately for me because i like to control all the things this is often why my calendar ends up being so full talking about a commitment to busy here it's distracting it makes me feel productive it makes me feel like i matter and i'm significant look at all the stuff i'm doing and i have done that for as long as i can remember i think i've talked about that before on the podcast palm pilot going hey look how full this is and university yes that was a long time ago for any of you millennials and post millennials that are trying to date me i'm 36 i'll make it really easy for you i graduated university in 2008 you're welcome anyway surrender has shown up in a big way over the last week and i've seen this show up before and why i want to touch on it is when i'm trying to control all the things i get in my own way I changed my energy, there is something less attractive about it, I believe that I have a lesson to learn around surrender, that God will impact what flows into my life until I learn it. And that's okay. But here's what I've learned about it the last week or so is we had this first round of a beta program, the enneagram, Kickstarter, and I had one early sign up as old, only holding eight spaces. And I was super excited about it. And I was like, people are gonna love this. And it's really affordable, and it's amazing. And it was quiet, unnervingly quiet. And I've been there before. And when I've been there before, it's like, there's too much meat energy around filling something, well hold up, I recognize this, we're not doing this. This is an opportunity to let go of control. This is an opportunity to allow whoever is supposed to come and be in the space to come and be in the space. And now, after practicing surrender, and this is so key, you don't just like wake up and flip a switch. And there you are. This is a practice like most things growth in life. After practicing surrender, for the last week, it felt I had one human and I was nervous about it, what am I going to tell her. And then just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, we have a full, beautiful group of amazing humans who are going to go on a journey together. And that reminds me how important this combination of things is being clear on what are our priorities, creating space to be and not be so committed to this buisiness in our calendar, and letting go of the outcomes, knowing that if we show up, and we care about people, that if we show up for people, that the results will come. Period, they just do that is the abundance of the universe, show up of value without expectation of return. And things come back in the most beautiful and sometimes unexpected ways. Not always according to our timing, which is a recovering controller of all things. I'm a lot of recovering things perfectionist, overachiever controller. If you're with me, let me know, shoot me a DM puts me a little bit out of my comfort zone. And it's a really beautiful growth opportunity. It's a really beautiful opportunity for me to continually be getting curious about what is driving the doing. I want to talk about that for a quick minute to hear. Because what drives the doing for me is a needing to prove that I'm enough. And when I came to that, and this has only been in the last year like this growth journey that I have been on the last two years have been completely an utterly transformative. And I can point to a lot of pieces, and a lot of supports and a lot of people that have helped to make that happen. I can give a whole lot of credit to God and my faith. And there has been this recent development because we're always taking off layers. And we're always going through a new expansion, a new settling and then a new expansion, then a new settling and integration and a new expansion. One of the last ones was this commitment to busy and it was like, What is up with that? Why is my calendar always so full? Because I need to prove to myself that I'm important. I need to prove to myself that I matter. I need to prove to myself, I'm enough, I need to prove to myself that I'm valuable. And if tied that so much to being for other people that I fill my calendar with that and then I look at it. It's like oh look, which is all ego. And it is completely and totally unsustainable. So if you're listening to this and the sounds like you it's time to start making a change. Because if you haven't hit it already, here's what's on the other side. burnout, anxiety, depression, health problems. This is the reality of the Push, push, push, push, Hustle, Hustle, Hustle, Hustle, grind it out that bullshit North American culture where we are going 800 miles an hour all the time and we never slow down. You will never find your enoughness in the doing you will never find your value in the doing you will never find self love in the doing you find all of that in the being and that's really damn hard for all of you who are that overachiever type that does and does and does and does being is like crawl out of my skin right now but it gets easier the more you do it the more you exercise those muscles the more you build a toolkit the easier it gets so to recap priorities number one creating space stop the commitment to busy find ways to detach from the outcomes to surrender the outcomes and trust the process as cliche as that sounds it is true get curious about what is driving you thanks for joining us for our random fun friday episode i really enjoyed these ones i really enjoy the interviews too and getting to meet new and fun and interesting people and i also really love having a space where we can go on a transparent journey together and talk about what's coming up what am i learning how might that play into your life i would always love to hear about how you are connecting with what we're talking about how that's impacting you and showing up in your life also a couple of things you need to know about that are coming up soon the summit june 18 becoming yourself some summit tickets are on for early bird so if you haven't snagged your tickets yet quick reminder to go and get them if any of you men are interested in the call doing courageous enneagram kickstarter spaces are also available for that it starts april the sixth i'm holding space for eight of you so get on it let's go on a journey gonna be amazing this is the most transformative tool when i talk about the last couple of years being massively transformative for me the enneagram is one of the biggest pieces of that in developing my own awareness getting to know myself taking my power back understanding what drives me and how to leverage that how to use that to get clear on who am i where am i going what do i want how am i getting them away until next time know that you are loved joyce during flight and grave you were always enough you were capable of prioritizing you were capable of stepping on a busy you were capable of letting go of outcomes and surrendering to the process and you were worthy with incredible results and fulfillment and joy and all the things in life all my love and virtual hugs