The Becoming Ourselves Podcast

How to Find Fullfillment

March 19, 2021 Juli Wenger Season 1 Episode 25
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
How to Find Fullfillment
Chapters
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
How to Find Fullfillment
Mar 19, 2021 Season 1 Episode 25
Juli Wenger

How we get clear on where we are going? In this podcast,  I'm going to challenge you today to think of fulfillment more in the context of a state of being, rather than a destination.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

The Becoming Ourselves Summit https://www.juliwenger.com/becomingourselvesthesummit

Called & Courageous Enneagram Kickstarter https://www.juliwenger.com/enneagramkickstarter

CONNECT WITH ME

Instagram: @juliwenger

Facebook: - ww.facebook.com/becomingourselvespodcast

LinkedIn: Juli Wenger 

Website: https://www.juliwenger.com/

Show Notes Transcript

How we get clear on where we are going? In this podcast,  I'm going to challenge you today to think of fulfillment more in the context of a state of being, rather than a destination.


MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

The Becoming Ourselves Summit https://www.juliwenger.com/becomingourselvesthesummit

Called & Courageous Enneagram Kickstarter https://www.juliwenger.com/enneagramkickstarter

CONNECT WITH ME

Instagram: @juliwenger

Facebook: - ww.facebook.com/becomingourselvespodcast

LinkedIn: Juli Wenger 

Website: https://www.juliwenger.com/

Juli Wenger:

Welcome to the podcast. So I'm excited this week because it has been full and it has been amazing. And I'm a little exhausted, but in the best of ways. Today we're going to talk about fulfillment. And we're going to talk about how we get clear on Where are we going? Because I just happened to do a talk on it this week. And I thought to myself, why am I not sharing this with my podcast audience. So here we are. And we're going to jump into this fulfillment is defined as the achievement of something desired, promised or predicted. Here's what I love about that is that you're getting something you want. You're getting something that was promised to you, you're getting something that was anticipated. But, and it sounds an awful lot to me like an endgame. It sounds an awful lot to me like a destination. So here's the challenge, I'm going to challenge you today to think of fulfillment more in the context of a state of being in the context of alignment, alignment being a position of agreement or Alliance, more definitions for you, you're welcome fives with what you value and who you are. There's a lot of definitions out there about achievement or success. We have talked about that at length, other people and societies standards around who we're supposed to be in quotes, and what we're supposed to reach for. But here's the deal. fulfillment doesn't come from living into other people's standards. It comes from within fulfillment. It's a journey and a state of being. Let me say that again. fulfillment is a journey and a state of being. I feel like I'm on a stage today. This is so fun. So as we go on a little journey, I want you to get curious about what being fulfilled is the state of being looks like for you, and what being aligned with your values and your purpose. And your definition of success looks like? So Julie, how do we get to this alignment? And how does it empower us to move forward with intention, awareness and courage? How does it help us live our most powerful, purposeful and passionate life? Let's dive into lens number one, shall we? identity? Who are you? We've talked about this too before but we're going to jump back here today because it is that fundamentally important. Who are you is not Hi, I'm Julie, I'm a mom, who are you is not Hi, I'm Julie, I'm an empowerment and identity coach. It's not I'm a wife, it's not an I'm an entrepreneur, it's not a title. It's not a role. It's not a job I hold, it's not a box, I put myself in who I am, exists. Beyond all of that, above all of that. If you think about the ground, and there's a whole bunch of boxes lined up in a row on the ground, and you think about the air above the ground, who I am exists, they're not in the boxes. But in that space that hovers above the boxes, who I am is about what's the essence of me. Because we continue to exist, even if all those roles were to go away, I continue to exist even though I am no longer defined as or identify with a successful real estate agent. I'm still here, I'm still living my passion, I still have my gifts and my skills and my talents and my inherent wiring, even though I'm no longer associated to that particular role. I am love joy, strength, light and grace. That's who I am. without all of the boxes, I still have an identity, I still have a character structure, I still have a personality built around that I still have my sets of skills, gifts and superpowers to bring to the world and so to you. Who we tell ourselves we are determines our path. And when we stop attaching to the roles and the titles and the checklists that we find are worth in what's left and authentic you that exists in all the boxes. In all the situations. Knowing who we are is grounding. There is an embodiment of the essence of us when we get clear. And personally when I start to feel off or frazzled turning back to my I am statements brings me back down. And this is part of where fulfillment comes from. fulfillment comes through this lens of understanding who am I? What is the essence of me, because that will form the container within which our fulfillment exists that will help form the parameters, the boundaries the guardrails The next lens number two, what drives you? This is all about purpose in our personal why, honestly, without being clear on what lights us up, fires us up and makes us feel the most ourselves, it's hard to find intrinsic motivation, you know, the motivation that comes from within, And ain't nobody gonna stop you. That comes from having an understanding of the kind of impact you want to create the kind of legacy you want to live and leave. And it's underpinned by understanding who you are. When we start exploring this, it's helpful to work on a list of themes that you see show up through your life before you get to an actual purpose statement. We work through this and are designing your most purposeful, powerful, passionate life workshop in January. The themes that show up in my life are creating belonging and protection, they show up everywhere. And from that has spun out a wise statement of this. I empower humans to find their fire, trust themselves and live their life with purpose. So they can lead their most fulfilled and impact creating lives as their whole selves. Having a lens to decide what to move towards, and what not to, essentially requires themes. So we take these two lenses, and we stack them and they help us determine priorities. They help us make challenging decisions, they help us hold the course when things get challenging, because we can see the bigger picture, because we are grounded in who we are, and what we want. It helps us get clearer on what we are called to. And what will fulfill us having a sense of who we are and what drives us or what our purpose is, contributes to building a foundation of self awareness that is necessary for maintaining the resilience and the courage that it takes to live our three piece our most powerful, purposeful, passionate life. So let's talk quickly about comfort zone. Because when we're growing and we're doing work, we've talked about this a little bit before, there's times when we need safety, there's times when we need a plateau, there's times when we need to settle into and integrate, what are we learning? And how are we growing, there's times that we need to be in challenge and in growth and when we're expanding when we're moving towards that life that we are called to. When we're leaning into courage. Bernie brown always says you can have courage or comfort, but you can't have both at the same time. So our purpose pulls us through the challenging times. And here's part of our work, stepping into challenge, stepping into courage, without overstepping into overwhelm, without overstepping into a lid flip, without overstepping into fight, flight and freeze, because it's too much. This showed up for me this week. We have a lot going on all the time. And I love it that way. But sometimes, I have those moments where it's like Holy Mother, what did I get myself into, because there are so many moving pieces that I might start to feel a little bit behind. And when I start to feel behind, I start to let go of those spaces of rest, which for me, are spaces of safety, I need to be able to lean into rest and safety and wholeness and enoughness to be able to leverage that and leverage the resilience and the courage that breeds in those spaces to step into challenge without being triggered into overwhelm. And when overwhelm comes, this is our opportunity to lean into our toolkit to lean into what helps me get back to neutral, to lean into breath, to lean into movement to lean into nature, to lean into creative outlets. You figure out what your toolkit looks like. And it's individual for each of us. And there's universal pieces, like some of the things that I just mentioned. breath is incredibly universal. Movement is incredibly universal, the kind of movement you do may not be the same as someone else. Often that depends how we're wired. It depends on how regulated is our nervous system to begin with? How long have we been running and pushing and burning ourselves out? Do we have the capacity to do something that's a whole lot more push and energy out? Or do we need something that's a little calmer, a little lower key? Anyway, safety challenge and over a month. We choose challenge we choose to go there but we don't stay there all the time. We allow spaces of safety and we watch for carefully and stay curious about Am I triggering into overwhelm right now? This is where I love the somatic work the body work, paying attention to our body paying attention to how does anxiety feel in my body paying attention to how does fear feel in my body, paying attention to how to shame feeling my body, and not just emotions. But what are the other ways that my body yells at me. For example, Julie's body yells at Julie, by muscle seizing today, this is all the transparency all and vulnerability. And God knows I put on a real good vulnerability show sometimes, but I like to wrap it up in lessons. Today, my shoulder is seizing and it hurts like up. It's not fun. It tells me that I am not leaning into my toolkit enough, it tells me I'm not surrendering enough, it tells me that I am not showing up and creating those times of rest and safety for myself in the capacity that I could, that I can choose to that I get to choose to that actually serves me and keeps things sustainable over here. Recovering overachiever, I don't want to admit that to all y'all. Because if I admit that, then that's putting out there something that I often like to put out there. But from a very vulnerable space of I don't have everything figured out. That's not what makes me an amazing coach. But there is this story, right? So here's the story. This is where I'm on the journey with you have to be a successful coach, you need to show up in a certain way. So we're going to blow that up right now. And I'm going to tell you, I'm on the journey with you. Today, my body is yelling at me. Today, my muscle seized because I wasn't listening to the quieter whispers of Julie, you need a little bit more time to breathe and rest this week. Julie, you need to set your priorities straight, pull back on a couple of things, give yourself more room, give yourself more space, give yourself more safety. So back to fulfillment. We find fulfillment, we get clear on our calling, and our purpose. And where we're going through fundamentally understanding who we are by fundamentally understanding what's our why. And then we move through life, we move through the journey, we move through this ongoing up leveling, and shifting and growing and stepping into challenge and then stepping back into safety and not a backward step. But kind of like a plateau. plateau of safety, we grow a little bit, we have another plateau, we integrate that plateau might be two days long. And then we go through another growth curve. And then we plateau again, and that one might be three months long. And then we grow again. And then we might stop and breathe for like two hours. There is not a defined time space on this. But here's the key. We need to create the space to really integrate the lessons that we're learning. Because if we try and jump over them, we try and skip through them, we're gonna end up back in them, instead of climbing that expansion curve. And going up to the next plateau where we integrate, we loop back on the same plateau we were already on, we start to grow a little bit and then it's like a bounce back circle back around. Like you didn't quite get this surrender thing yet, Julie, we're gonna lean back into that one didn't quite land, we're gonna lean back into that one. So stay curious. Stay out of the overwhelm, build in spaces of safety, build in times to step into challenge to leverage the courage and the resilience that you've been building. And know that there is no there. There is no destination on fulfillment or success or becoming ourselves or any of this growth stuff. And I hear this from clients sometimes. And I've been there, like I know better by now. Right? Shouldn't it be done? I did all this growth work? Am I not done? We're never done. We are never ever, ever done. And that's beautiful. Don't feel defeated by that. It's beautiful. And it's amazing. We are always becoming we are always becoming more and more ourselves. So recap. fulfillment is a state of being figure out who the f are you? What is the essence of you? What drives you and fires you up? How are you leaning into safety and challenge and safety and challenge? integration and growth if you want different words for it? And what do you need for clarity for support for a toolkit to help pull you through? Now there's a few things I want to tell you about and this first one I'm so excited about the URL liebhard Tickets are available for the becoming ourselves summit is happening June 18 is a Friday it is all online. So no matter where you are, you can come and hang out with us for a day of incredible inspiring speakers, powerful musical performances spoken word poets breathwork facilitation, we have everyone from authors, to activists, CEOs to podcasters. coaches to like it's incredible. The list and the lineup that we have is incredible. So I'm going to drop a link in the show notes, so that you can get your tickets are only 50 bucks Canadian or 49 earlybird or something like that. So make sure to sign up for that. The other thing I'm super excited about is we have a few days left on the called and courageous enneagram Kickstarter. This is one of my signature programs. It is a two month commitment. It's only 300 bucks Canadian. I'm not sure what I was thinking but it's going to be amazing. And it's a hybrid between enneagram training and group coaching with me eight hours of it. I charge like the same amount of money for an hour of one on one time. So you should show up for that if you are feeling called to it pay attention to the whispers because it's time for you to step up for you. And if you've enjoyed this podcast or any podcasts, please share with your friends drop us a review and make sure you hit the subscribe button. We'll see you next week on 11 virtual hugs