The Becoming Ourselves Podcast

Finding You & Your Comfortable Place with Daniel Tuttel

March 17, 2021 Juli Wenger Season 1 Episode 24
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
Finding You & Your Comfortable Place with Daniel Tuttel
Chapters
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
Finding You & Your Comfortable Place with Daniel Tuttel
Mar 17, 2021 Season 1 Episode 24
Juli Wenger

In this episode, I get to talk with Daniel Tuttle. He is a podcaster. He's a screenwriter. He is a storyteller. And as you're going to find out Daniel and I have a lot in common. This is a really interesting conversation about the journey of becoming, and how it starts early, how our coping mechanisms show up, how we can work through what we're feeling what we're experiencing in life through things like art, and creative expression, and how we take that becoming to create an impact in the world when we're adults.

Daniel's lifelong goal has always been to motivate, support and impact others.  As a screenwriter, he has written 2 produced independent feature films, a full web-series, multiple pilots, and, most recently, a short film that was accepted into multiple film festivals in 2020.  

Daniel has been involved in podcasting for over ten years now. In 2009, Daniel started a comedy radio show called, "Stand Up and Laugh'', where he interviewed local Stand-up comics, he then began co-hosting on the popular pop-culture and entertainment podcast, "Media Junkyard".  After "Media Junkyard" ended Daniel developed a few podcasts and guest hosted on others.  Four years ago Daniel started the now popular entertainment industry podcast "Hollywood Hustle Podcast" where he has interviewed artists, entertainers, and executives from various mediums and locations. 

Last year Daniel started the podcast coaching, development, and production company, Hustle Podcasting, where he guides new and up-and-coming podcasters through developing or growing their shows.  He also assists in producing, editing, and managing multiple client's shows. 

CONNECT WITH DANIEL:

IG: https://www.instagram.com/danieltuttel/ & https://www.instagram.com/hustle_podcasting/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@beardedwriter?lang=en
Find Daniel on Clubhouse: @DanielTuttel
Hollywood Hustle Podcast: https://linktr.ee/hollywoodhustlepodcast

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
 Be Nice to Yourself Workshop https://www.eventbrite.com/e/be-nicer-to-yourself-tickets-138337969591

Called & Courageous Enneagram Kickstarter https://www.juliwenger.com/group-program

Show Notes Transcript

In this episode, I get to talk with Daniel Tuttle. He is a podcaster. He's a screenwriter. He is a storyteller. And as you're going to find out Daniel and I have a lot in common. This is a really interesting conversation about the journey of becoming, and how it starts early, how our coping mechanisms show up, how we can work through what we're feeling what we're experiencing in life through things like art, and creative expression, and how we take that becoming to create an impact in the world when we're adults.

Daniel's lifelong goal has always been to motivate, support and impact others.  As a screenwriter, he has written 2 produced independent feature films, a full web-series, multiple pilots, and, most recently, a short film that was accepted into multiple film festivals in 2020.  

Daniel has been involved in podcasting for over ten years now. In 2009, Daniel started a comedy radio show called, "Stand Up and Laugh'', where he interviewed local Stand-up comics, he then began co-hosting on the popular pop-culture and entertainment podcast, "Media Junkyard".  After "Media Junkyard" ended Daniel developed a few podcasts and guest hosted on others.  Four years ago Daniel started the now popular entertainment industry podcast "Hollywood Hustle Podcast" where he has interviewed artists, entertainers, and executives from various mediums and locations. 

Last year Daniel started the podcast coaching, development, and production company, Hustle Podcasting, where he guides new and up-and-coming podcasters through developing or growing their shows.  He also assists in producing, editing, and managing multiple client's shows. 

CONNECT WITH DANIEL:

IG: https://www.instagram.com/danieltuttel/ & https://www.instagram.com/hustle_podcasting/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@beardedwriter?lang=en
Find Daniel on Clubhouse: @DanielTuttel
Hollywood Hustle Podcast: https://linktr.ee/hollywoodhustlepodcast

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
 Be Nice to Yourself Workshop https://www.eventbrite.com/e/be-nicer-to-yourself-tickets-138337969591

Called & Courageous Enneagram Kickstarter https://www.juliwenger.com/group-program

Unknown:

Welcome to the becoming ourselves podcast where we believe that you were created on purpose with purpose and for a purpose. I'm Julie winger and empowerment and identity coach and enneagram. Two committed to helping you step out of overwhelm perfectionism and self sabotage. listen in to learn how to take back your power, uncover the stories and patterns that keep you small, and lean in to living your most powerful, purposeful and passionate life. Let's dive in. This week on the podcast, we are talking with Daniel Tuttle. He is a podcast or he's a screenwriter. He is a storyteller. And as you're going to find out, Daniel and I have a lot in common. This is a really interesting conversation about the journey of becoming and how it starts early. How are coping mechanisms show up? How we can work through what we're feeling what we're experiencing in life through things like art, and creative expression, and how we take that becoming to create impact in the world when we're adults. Let's, let's start off with a quick highlight reel of who's Daniel. And we'll jump into deep questions. Some of the Oh no. Why are you interesting? And why are you here? Why am I man I am I am interesting. So I'm originally from Dallas, Texas. I live in Los Angeles. Now. I am a freelance screenwriter, podcast host and podcast developer and producer. I was raised around theater and things like that and kind of fell into it. I have since written two feature films that were independently produced. Both of them were urban crime, hip hop dramas, which if you look at me, that sounds right down my alley, right. So that was really interesting to go through. And then I also recently wrote a short film, that's multiple film festivals, I can't remember how many now that is about a couple basically dealing with the aftermath of a miscarriage. So my genre and range are all over the place with that, but I love I think my biggest thing for me, I've always been a fan of motivating, supporting and being there for other people, I almost went into psychology or therapy as a counselor in college, because that seemed like or at least minor in it. Because that seemed like a really good place. For me, people have always felt comfortable talking to me and opening up to me. And, you know, I feel like my life has been just one kind of plateau and then mountain and then plateau. And so I've learned a lot from a lot of what I don't like the word failures, but I've learned from my mistakes, or from accidents and things like that. And you know, and I'm still trying to grow. So I think I'm interesting also, because I'm still trying to grow, I'm still trying to learn, and I'm still trying to think we're ever done putting the pieces of who we are together. And so I'm still working on that. I've been giving that so much thought lately, this concept of I'm not there yet, that we go through our growth journey, and we learn and we expand. And then we integrate it, we settle into it, as I'm listening to you talk about mountains and plateaus and mountains and plateaus as often how I think of it as we go through this expansion or this growth curve. And when we get through that curve, we have to settle into who is it that we are now? What does that growth look like? And then once we get settled enough, and we integrate that enough, we can start climbing that next mountain or going through that next growth curve? Well, you know, if you look at it from a business point of view, or like a podcast point of view, the biggest thing always when developing a business or a podcast, or even like a film is what is the foundation, what is the foundation of that film or that podcast. And once you have the foundation, you can make adjustments to the house. Yeah, it doesn't have the kitchen doesn't have to stay the same, the bedroom doesn't have to stay the same. You can make adjustments. But if the foundation is strong, the adjustments won't hurt. What this show is or what the business is, things like that. I think as people we're kind of like that we are born and we learn and we grow with a foundation of not only who we are, but what our ideals are and what our values are. And it's not that you can't change, you can't grow, you can't learn. But if you have a strong and hopefully positive foundation for who you are as a person, then everything else is just icing on the cake that just makes you a makes that foundation stronger and better. Now everyone's going to understand exactly why I brought you on because this is the kind of stuff I'm talking about all the time, right is that we have to do our US work, which is I use that word foundation. Maybe it's the former realtor in me, but how we figure out who that FMI? And what is it that drives me? What's my purpose? What do I value and those things combined together into this self awareness and self compassion that allow us to grow and be resilient and be courageous? Absolutely. Let's talk a little bit about human connection. As a value, when we've talked before, that was something that really came up as a strong part of your story. Yeah, I love knowing people. I love learning about people. And I love just connecting with who people really are. Because when you meet someone, people always kind of put their best foot forward. And that's great. And yeah, you're gonna do that. But like when you get to really just sit with somebody, and have a conversation about what they do and what they think about and who they are. I find that so fascinating. Because I've, again, like I said, I thought about going into like therapy or counseling, like I love understanding, or at least attempting to understand the motivations and the reasons behind people. And that's kind of always been something I think people get, and maybe that's why I'm just a natural like podcasting fit for me, because I'm naturally an interviewer. Like, when I meet people, I want to ask a foul. Like, it takes everything not to, like ask you questions, like, because that's who I am, is to be like, so what do you do? What do you love? We're, you know, what do you think about this? And what is why is this so important to you like that is, there's something about it that is so meaningful, to be able to have moments where you truly look at someone and feel like you're, maybe the same isn't the right word, but like, you understand each other. And I think that understanding in such a deeper way is so cool, when you can just get to know, well, like, Why are you like you are and maybe it's someone you didn't like at first and then you really get to know them, and you're like, oh, okay, you're not that person, I thought you were and I get I get maybe where this like defensiveness or this anger, or this frustration comes from. And I think those moments are so valuable, those are such important things in life to just be able to connect with others and get to know and to, again, walk them not a walk a mile in their shoes, but put their shoes on for a little bit and just feel what they're feeling. And I think I'm very empathic, I can feel other people's emotions. And so it's easy for me to understand like, okay, something's going on. And something, you know, register that there's something I'm hearing those differences. I'm feeling those differences. Yeah. And I think when you are able to open yourself up to connecting with people like that, you can start understanding those things even more, and observing the the small micro body language that you can see in those things. Yeah. So with your journey, because becoming these humans, and we have a lot in common this way, in terms of how we're wired, going through the journey of becoming an adult, that empathizes with people that hold space for people that wants to share stories that wants to create connection that wants to create some kind of impact. Often that comes through some struggle. So can you take us back to some of the key things that have shown up in your life that have helped form you and helped you become yourself now? Yeah, you know, I was, I was a really, I was a big kid when I was younger, and you know, kids can be kind of mean. And so I was a very shy kid. Because of that. I didn't, I talked to people, but I never really felt like I had strong friends. I was one friend I had, who lived next to us where I live with my parents when I was younger, and his name is actually funny enough, also named Daniel, he was my best friend growing up. And, you know, I never felt like people saw the potential in me and saw who I really was. And I never felt kind of you mentioned earlier, like, I never felt comfortable. I never felt stable in a lot of things. I played baseball, I tried basketball. I did j ROTC in high school. I did a ton of other things to try to find where do I feel is proper for me and I was bullied a lot as a kid dude, mainly due to my weight. But also I was a sensitive kid. I'm still sensitive. Like I'm one of those people like watch like a commercial and like, why am I tearing up right now? Like, that's, that's who I am. And yeah, and so it's like, it's like, what is I know this one well, what is wrong with me old episodes of Star Trek and my husband's like, why are you crying right now? Like, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm just to hang over here. It's fine for all my enneagram nerds. Anyway, there was something I was watching with my wife a few weeks ago, and I don't know why but I was tearing up and she looked over at me she goes Are you crying? I was like, Yes, they don't know why. I'm backing so much. But you know I that's that's always have been so I kind of I got made fun of a lot because there is this idea of what You know, a boy or a man is supposed to be. And I didn't fit that in a lot of ways I am not good with my hands in the sense of woodworking carving, I don't hunt, I don't like Oh, it was like generic ideas of what a guy's supposed to do. It's not who I am. And so I got made fun of a lot for being like soft or overly sensitive or weak and things like that. And so, you know, I dealt with a lot of self, pardon the language but like damning feelings where I put myself down, I didn't feel worthy, you know, I there I can vividly remember, you know, staring at my mom's kitchen knives longer than I should have at one point. And, you know, the those moments where I and my family was a little messed up, my dad was not super involved in our family, he watched a lot of TV went to the horse races a lot, I don't think he generally was happy in the relationship with my mom. My mom, on the other hand is more who I am now very outgoing. She would talk to anybody at a grocery store, and it would embarrass the crap out of me when I was a kid. And he was your typical Southern, bless your heart lady. And dad left when I was in junior high. And you know, there was just a lot of stuff, a lot of anger when I was a kid and I and then I finally, you know, found this performance part of me, I pretended to be a Ghostbuster I pretend to be Superman, and things like that. Or I would, I would come up with these really dumb games that I don't know why my friend Daniel, sounds weird, but I did have a friend him. And it wasn't like an imaginary version of me that he would go along with where we would like do commentary of our, like, Monopoly game, or we would play this game called like day off, where we pretended to be adults having a day off. And the idea of what our idea of an adult day off from work is. And so we did these really dumb things. And I did like Vacation Bible School and things like that. And they always asked me to be in the plays for that, because they knew I like performing. And I was a little too much probably. And I've said this on my show, I was that one that's like, I knew all my lines, I practice my lines, I was nervous. And like, if somebody didn't know, there's my How do you not know your line. And I'm like, eight, but sadly, there was no like academic version of this that I could get into until I got into high school. And once I got into theater in high school man, I literally just found my spot, I was being able to go on stage and feel the energy. And I think it also that getting that energy from the audience and, and just playing and having fun and coming up with characters. And I started getting into improv and things like that at that time. And I was already doing, like, some creative writing and writing music and things like that. And so all of that just really helped me kind of like find me and like go like, okay, it's okay to be this creative, sensitive person. And that's going to be a benefit to you not a weakness. And when realize that and then like I said, you find that foundation of like, Oh, it's okay for me to be okay with me. And find that confidence. By the time I was in junior, like my junior year of high school, I had more friends, I was more outgoing. I, you know, I felt like I had found now I still got some bullying, there was still some parts of my past that kind of came up and, and things like that. But I was working through. But I still felt like I had a foundation where I felt like I could deal with a little better. And I knew how to express it better. You know, I think that's so important to find. My mom has worked at the same job for 40 years, and she loves it. She loves the people she works for. And it's an office and that was just never me. And I told her like I never I worked in her office when I was younger. I was like, I don't want this to be the rest of my life. If I'm working in an office, I want it to be something where I'm collaborating with people and creating stuff. And building something not doing data entry all day. It's just not for me. Once I figured that out, I was able to really begin building my future a little easier and building what I wanted to do and, and just felt happier for myself. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And being able to understand again, the idea like the people who are saying this, the the things that they said to me or the things they did to me how they're not happy, they're not there's something there's something it's something wrong with them. There's nothing wrong with me. That's that's them. And they're their anger towards me for whatever reason, their need to get a laugh off my expense, whatever it is. That's, that's on them. And that and I think once you can really understand that, that it's not you. You're doing nothing wrong by being who you are. Unless you're a mean person, then yeah, you're doing something wrong. But if you're not hurting anybody, you're not doing anything bullying or being mean, then it's not you. It's them. Yeah. And I think once you can figure that out, and and when you start appreciating and loving yourself, then all that stuff kind of bounces off where you can go Okay, whatever dude. You don't care anymore. I mean, you carry certain things that people think about. But when it comes to stuff like that, who cares? Yeah. 100% Yeah, there's a level of resiliency that comes with moving through that stuff. And I mean, as you're talking about it, I'm thinking back to being in high school myself, we talked about this briefly on the podcast last week, that I was really intensely bullied in high school for a couple of years by two former best friends. And I didn't have that context, at the time of this has nothing to do with me, my context was, this is my fault. And it took a long time to get to a point where instead of taking it as proof that I don't belong proof that I'm too much, or proof that I'm not enough to be able to look at it from kind of a more grown up perspective and say, This had nothing to do with me, I was just an outlet. I was a target, I was the girl with not broken home. I look like me, which might sound egotistical, but I've always been the tall, skinny blonde girl. And these two girls who were formerly my best friends, were from broken homes, they had been abused as children, like they had a history of pain and trauma, like nothing I had experienced, at least up to the point of you know, bullying. And coming to that space as an adult, where I could say, you know, what, that had nothing to do with me, it was not about me, was 200 pounds of weight just gone. And the other thing I'm thinking about as you're talking about this is the importance of validating art and creativity as a method to process. I frankly, don't know how I would have made it through high school without singing and songwriting, that was my creative outlet. Like your resume was acting and performing and developing all these characters, mine was music, where I'm really feeling like, it's important to nail this one down here for a second is, if we have people going through that kind of stuff, to really say like, hey, it's not about you. And B, there are things that we can put in our toolkits that can help us process and help us come through that. Absolutely. I think it's also looking at like, what the difference is in what you're offering to the world and what those people are offering to the world? Are you putting out thoughtful, meaningful, educational or human connection, humanitarian type, content, or beliefs or thoughts? Or are you you bring smiles to people every day when you talk to them? are you sharing love? Like, what are you putting out there? versus what they're putting out there? Because if you look at that, like with your friends, like what they're putting out even again, yes, they came from an awful background. And that's definitely pushed what they did, but they're just putting negativity out there. They're putting things that people feel bad in simplest terms, like they're putting things out that make people feel bad, you know, as my son would say, like, why can't we just make people feel good. That's another thing to look at is going, who do you want to be? And it's so easy for those like for those people to beat on you and beat on you and push you and push you. And you go, you know what, screw it, I'm going to be just like them. And you take the you take that anger and you put it towards someone else, and you start doing the same thing. I remember, because I was bullied when I was a kid. When I was really young. I remember kind of turning into a bully. When I'm at the daycare I stayed at there was an older kid who basically who was small, but he's older than me. And he kind of used me because again, I was a bigger kid to kind of push kids off the swing so he could swing. And I like vividly remember doing that stuff. And I when I realized like, Oh my gosh, what am I doing? When I realized I can't believe I did that? I can't believe I was that person. And you know, that's you make those decisions of what path Do you want to go down? based on what's happening to you? And you can either be better, or be the same. And I remember in high school, one day going, I'm gonna be the bad boy. Like, I'm gonna be this badass guy. I'm gonna Nope, I'm not gonna take crap from anybody all this stuff. And I was like, in my head that meant wearing all black. And like, like this cool. Bad. Bad Boy. James Jean, right. Like, what was this late? 90s? Yes. Oh, yeah. It's very late. Yeah, yeah. And so like, I vividly remember dressing in like black jeans, and like a black shirt. And I gun for the mirror and I made my like, most like, it's the actor and me getting into character. Like, making this grimace face in the mirror. And this thing angry like, and then tell me like, you're not gonna, you're not gonna, you're not gonna tell anybody anything. You're not gonna share your pencils with anybody. You're saying? No, like you're not gonna get pushed around. Awesome. And this isn't as I was in high school. This wasn't me. I was like, in junior home, I was in high school doing this. And so I go to like my first class and I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna be bad ass. I'm gonna be all this stuff. I sit down. Somebody goes, Hey, Dan, I forgot my pencil. Can I can I borrow your pencil? Yeah, man, here you go. It's amazing. It brings back all of these. Okay, so last week, I'm sitting in the office, and I'm looking at pictures with Sophie. So Sophie is my VP of everything. She's also like, 15 years younger than me. So I'm pulling out these old pictures of me in high school, and I was the girl that went like down the I'm gonna paint black lip liner on my lips and take a piece of a necklace, one of the circles and make a fake lip ring out of it. And yeah, same thing. Like, just look at me, and look how powerful I am. And I mean, it was a innocent enough way to try and reclaim some power. But it wasn't something that was sustainable. And it wasn't something that was authentic. I think it's interesting that you say like, that was your way of like trying to reclaim power. And I think that says something like of what like, what is power? do we how do you at certain ages perceive power? is power, dominance is power, being an independent thing, being able to have the power to be yourself and push forward and do what you want to do and, and become like, what is power. And that's the same thing I was trying to reclaim this power. Because I started feeling that maybe I'm getting pushed around and I'm being too nice. I'm too nice a guy, you find those ways to do as a kid until you like you realize like what your real power is, and how you can use that power in the world. Let's circle back to the art now. The work you're doing now and what you're creating now and how that is helping you to live your purpose and helping you to be authentically you in the world. Yeah, absolutely. You know, it's it's funny. So the to produce features, I have the urban hip hop dramas, I was hired to write those, those were some other people's ideas that hired me to write the scripts, my stuff usually deals a lot more in character exploration of certain events. And so like the the one that's in the festivals, right now, it's called, like nothing happened is the name of the film. And it basically is the story of a couple who a married couple who have recently had a miscarriage have occurred to them from their first child. And they're coming home when the film starts from their first date, after the miscarriage. And when they get home. There's a stroller in a box on their front porch that was backordered that they forgot to cancel. And this basically forces them to decide, do we acknowledge this? Not just obviously, the stroller but what's happened? Or do we try to push forward in our date and our relationship. And they try to do that. And basically, it finally forces them to confront each other about their independent feelings of what's going on what they're feeling, and what they're doing and how they're going through it, and how, because they're doing it independently, how it's hurting them. And, you know, the reason I wanted to do it was my wife and I were my wife was pregnant with our second kid at the time. And we actually had a kind of miscarriage scare at one point. And I think there was a moment where, because of that I needed to get that fear out. Everything was fine, our baby is healthy, and she is one now and she is all over. She's a wild animal. We, you know, I needed to get that fear and that anxiety out. And I was also at the time not working and needed something to do. And my friend who helped me with the podcast goes, you know, Hey, why don't you write something? And so I started writing this, this short film, I really I always want to do something different with the things I write. And part of that is I don't like, I want to put something different out in the world. I want to do something more generic, especially when it comes to women. I was raised by my mom, I have two step sisters, I have a set I have a half step Sister, I I'm huge about making sure any female character I write is real. And I always make sure that I was raised by strong female character women and that's who I write with. And so I always try to make things make sure the women are different in my stories than what you see in a lot of you have big boobs tall, ditzy, whatever. I appreciate that. From the women side of humanity to you for that and so for this, I wanted to do something more than just, I lost my baby. That that obviously that's huge. That's such a horrible tragedy, but I wanted to come From a different idea of what does it do to a woman, personally, when this happens, not just the look the effect the the grief from the loss of the child, but what happens to them. And so I did some research for her writing and found a lot of stuff, which I kind of expected just from having conversations with women that I've known that you feel, the biggest thing I read was like, you feel like your body's betrayed you and you can't trust your body anymore. And it makes you It makes it hard for you to be physical with someone, it makes you there's a lot of physical things that happen. And then also, the idea with the grief, the idea that no one can understand the pain you're going through, unless they've been through it. That exact like that exact thing. And also the stigma that nobody talks about it. If you ask, you know, 10 of your friends who are married, I guarantee you probably one of them had a miscarriage, and you don't know it. Sure, sure. You know, and so we I started writing it. And it really was a nice way for me to again, get out my fear and anxiety from what happened to us. But I again, I wanted to tell a story and maybe make an impact of like, let's talk about this. Why can't we talk about this. And I luckily, through the podcast, had two women who one was a writer, one was an actress, I told them about the idea I was working on, they wanted to read it and they decided to produce it beautiful and and make it go and we had an 80% female crew, we directed by a woman or dp was a woman. I mean, it was all women, we just wanted to tell a story that people can connect with and feel. And we actually showed it to a group of like female directors. And that experience was just so amazing, because the connection people had with it. And that's always my thing is I want people to read this. Anything I write and see something about their life. Or maybe someone they know, and they've never fully understood. Yeah, current film, I'm working. Right now I'm writing with a friend of mine, we wrote a short film we're working on expanding it is about a guy whose dad has a brain tumor, and has forgotten a lot of his life with his son. And the biggest parts that he's forgotten, though, is how abusive he was, he was to his son. And so his son remembers, and his son now has to take care of this father who abused him that doesn't remember, the abuse he put on him. And there's a lot deeper with that, where the son was also because of the abuse when he was a kid, he was abusive to someone else emotionally, and so a whole string of it, and basically deals with this idea of memory, and how our lives make us who we are. And even if we don't know it, we don't so consciously that we don't consciously realize the impact that we're having based on something that happened to us and other people don't know. And so again, I've sent that to a few people. And I've had people who have read who had were abused by a stepfather. And they connected with it in a different way, who people who had word of a relationship and were emotionally abused, and those relationships and so they connected to it. And whenever someone says to me, like, I felt this, this totally made sense to me, that I know I've connected to something real. And I haven't overdramatize it, I haven't made it this over the top thing where it's like, that doesn't happen, that it's true. If I can connect with somebody and get those because my dad passed away, right before I started writing that. So again, these ideas of things that I tried to bring in my dad was in no way abusive to me physically abusive when I was a kid, but taking you know, just the idea of that dad dying. And then how do I make this an interesting story and expand it and also to say something. And so it's stuff like that, where I just want people to read what I write and be inspired or maybe be able to work through something or you know, think about something they haven't worked through. And just walk away. It sounds like all my stuff is really sad. Which is not entirely wrong. I'm, I'm a big realist in when it comes to film. Yes, I love happy, big happy endings. I do I love movies where the guy gets the girl or they they overcome something, I love it. But when I write something, a lot of times it's a real situation. So I want to write a real ending. And it's not always, hey, everything's fine. Now, we're good to go. That's not life. Well, and this is important. I mean, with looking at things like trauma with looking at things like the impact of abuse, it's not a clean, happy ending. Right? There are things that people can work through and learn how to, you know, function because of or in spite of, or to process or to grieve and then you know, continue on with life. But there are real lasting impacts from a lot of the things that we go through and experience and we can look at them from a lens of everything builds us and We still get to create space to process them and really be with them and say, Okay, what? What do I need to take from this experience? What do I need to allow myself to feel? My feelings always been like, it's a disservice to those people to write this happy ending, because maybe it gives other people this idea of like, why aren't you okay? Now? They're okay. And as much as people may not admit it, we are shaped by the films we watch, how we view certain people in society, how we view society and itself, we are shaped subconsciously by things in film and TV, with how certain people of color are portrayed on TV or film, or people are tired of being booked as cast as thugs and terrorist and poor immigrant like these things where there's this, there's a stigma of why can't you know, we see this movie where it's about a white suburban family, why can't it be a black suburban family? But it's not about being black? Like, it's just, it's the same movie? Just Why can't we hire black actors to play that? You know? And so, no, they've got to be the thug, the boy, the girlfriend's dating that the dad hates. And so finding those things, where it's just like, what can people connect with? What can people understand and then finding the realness in it, I've had my my fear, I've written some stuff that had like the, hey, everything ends up okay, and everybody's happy. But that is that never feels, it doesn't feel like I'm putting something worthwhile out there. When I write something like that, I like to have fun, I like to write silly things. But there's something different about writing something that people can actually feel, and understand. There's a compassion element there to have, for those of us who maybe haven't experienced miscarriage or haven't experienced an abusive relationship, or even if we want to take this into, you know, a bipoc conversation, and we haven't experienced systemic racism personally, for us to read about it, see it portrayed. I mean, that's a really effective way for us to start to understand it. And when George Floyd was murdered, last year, I started diving into documentaries. And I mean, I'm Canadian, but we still have racism here. So I'm just gonna put that out there who might not have had, you know, quite the same political past, but it still exists. I was shocked, though, shocked, because I'd been living under my privilege rock of how, how intense some of it was about how chronic some of it was about how systematized and, you know, built into policies and frameworks, things were. And then I started to read the books. And I started to, to see the lived experience of the black community of the indigenous community. And it was like, holy, because I hadn't been paying attention. So I think that there's an compassion that comes from waking up and being exposed to or maybe exposed to causing the wake up some of these kinds of pieces that challenge our thinking. And that allow us to see a more realistic portrayal of this is actually what the experience looks like, to go through all of these different kinds of experiences or live that life. And that's, that's always been super important to me is like, I want to write experiences that ring true. And I never want to like, as I was saying about, like female characters. I never want to write a female character, that when some girl reads, it just goes, ah, what is this garbage? The the first pilot TV pilot ever wrote, I wrote a scene between two women who are talking about how one of their boyfriends won't have sex with them. And they're shopping while they're doing it. But they're not talking about what they're shopping for. They're not there's their one on ones like, Why won't he? f me? And just having a real conversation about it. And I told someone, I told a guy about it. And he was like, he read it. He was like, that's not how girls talk at all. And I was like, Okay, let me now let me ask some women. And so because I when I wrote it, I wrote it. Like I want to write these women like it's two guys talking about the same thing. And so I wrote it from a guy's point of view, but do girls now. And so I sent it to to like several different girls. I knew from all different attitudes and personalities, and pretty much all of them were just like, yep, that's pretty much our conversation that we have. It's thank you for not watering it and raising it up and all this stuff. And I'm not trying to pat myself back. But it's like one of those things where like, I want to check in with people about what I write that have been through it, because it's meaningful for me that They that I tell their story or part of their story. Honestly, if someone told me that with a film I'm working on right now, if somebody said, that's not really how people feel after it, that's not how I felt after being abused. And that's not I think what a lot of people feel, then I would look deeper and go, Okay, well, how do I fix that? Because I want to honestly portray people because that's their story, too. I'm taking something. I'm borrowing their story. And I'm using it in mind. So it's, I think I owe it to them for it to be right. So I started talking, you had mentioned that when you were a kid, you never felt comfortable and you ever felt stable? How's that shifted for you in your becoming process? I don't know if I still feel if I actually felt stable yet. I think part of that is I'm still, I'm still trying to learn from me. And except, I guess, okay, in a way, like what is okay for me? And like, Where do I feel like, Okay, you've done, you're good. Like, you've done some good stuff. And you're here. Like, I always want to strive for better, but like, I guess like the idea of like, success, and like, what is success for me. And so for me, I'm still trying to figure that out and going, Okay, I feel comfortable here. I'm okay with this right here. I don't need more than this, if it comes great, but I don't need more than this. But when it comes to other stuff, growing up, I because I was able to finally find my my foundation of theater and creativity and sensitivity and end up being this person who tries to be earnest with people, I feel like I was able to take control of me a little bit more and like the guy that wanted to wear all black and like not be a pushover, I was actually able to do that more. Because now that I know who I am, I can know my boundaries. And I can know what my boundaries with other people are. And I've still had experience I had a former collaborator and friend who I lived with for years, who it took a long time before I really realized kind of it was an abusive relationship. He was using me for certain talents I had, and not respecting those talents. And really only thought about How could my talents help him move forward. And he was really good about pitching certain things and throwing out whereas like, we're in this together, and loyalty and all this stuff. But then when you start hearing and go like, Oh, well, I'm gonna play the lead in that script. Well, you don't fit the lead in that script. Now I'm gonna play it or why not? In this scene, we both make out what does it make sense for you to make out in this, like, when you start seeing those things are working together, you go, okay, you have a little bit of ego. But then you start seeing more and more what especially when my my then girlfriend now wife moved in with us, you saw a complete shift in him. Because now there was someone else between us. And she was there and almost where he couldn't control maybe a strong word, but control me in a way. And, you know, it really made me after that whole thing. And when we got out of there, really started making me like, okay, who do I collaborate with? Who do I What are my boundaries? What do you know, when we collaborate? You know, I think one of the things a lot of people don't ask is What do I need? Yeah. What What do I need in a relationship? What do I need in any kind of relationship? a collaborative, a collaborative, professional relationship, a friendship, romantic relationship? asking that question, you'll see I'm a very much a giver, I'm a fixer. I'm a pleaser. And so for me being able to go What do I need? In this relationship? What do I want? It's still something I struggle with, but it's something I've gotten better at. And I think that's all part of also that becoming is, again, the boundaries and asking yourself, what do I need in this relationship? And being able to communicate that? Yeah. That is so Qi. And that's been such an important part of my journey of the journey of other givers that I know. Because there's this tendency of just keep giving, keep showing up, keep fixing, keep proving that we're valuable or proving that we're helpful and being needed satisfying this need for significance, right? Like I'm doing something important, that's important or that matters. And it's so interesting to learn, that it's okay to have needs. It's okay to show up for ourselves. It's okay to spend time figuring out what those even are. Because often I find that I found this in my own journey. When I started really paying attention saying what do I need? I wouldn't know Because I'd spent so long not focused on it, but instead focused on everyone else, that I had completely detached from an ability to pick out, okay, this is what I need right now, I need alone time I need to eat, I need to take a break for lunch I need it can be simple things, right? It doesn't always have to be these big, grandiose life goal kind of needs, allowing that creating space for that, and then holding that space, and not allowing other people to step in and trample it is, it's so important. And creating space to you know, when you're talking about this former friend, when we have people in our life who take like that I call them energy vampires, people that just take a take and take and take and take and take right. The challenging part for me, was looking around myself a few years back, and I had surrounded myself with people like that. Everybody, right down to my personal trainer, and it didn't mean that they were all like bad people. But like I had clients, I had people I you know, worked with, in some capacity, it was just like, I was surrounded by this swirling tornado of people who wanted my energy because I had trained to them too. Because I had attracted them in the first place from all of the giving, and the giving, and the giving and the giving and draining myself dry. that there were these people who at not really any fault of their own, or just a lack of awareness. We're like, Oh, I need and she's giving. So here we go. Well, what you just said, some people don't know they're doing it. Like if you're able to, you know, speak them go, Hey, I feel like this relationship is really one sided. And I feel like I'm giving you I'm always calling you, and I'm always reaching out to you. And I'm you know, all this stuff. And then sometimes, you know, I think that's the test like, are these true friends? Because if they go oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I did not realize that I feel actually feel that like real guilt for that, then, okay, then maybe you can make this work. Yeah, I see a lot as you know, not that you have to like, put your fence up with everybody and guard with everybody you meet. But it's kind of this like, how you interview an employee, right? So like, I'm sure when you interviewed Sophie, to help you out, you go, this is what I need. from you, I need you to help me with this, I need you to help with marketing, I need this, I need this. But still, Sophie can't do her job if you don't do your job. And so it's still a collaborative effort. You're just telling her what you need from her, based on what you give her. Absolutely. And you know, when you can look at that and not and again, you don't have to have a sit down conversation with all your friends ago, I'm going to list everything I need from you right now. Like you don't have to have that at all. But you have to be aware when you're not getting it and open to communicating that now if it's a collaborative, a collaborative professional relationship, I will say, I have taught myself very easily to separate professional and friendship. And I can work professionally with a friend if they are mature enough to do the same. And if you can look at it from a professional business way and go, this is not personal. None of this is personal. What's you know, there's going to be this conversation, then there's going to be these conversations. And I tell them anytime that someone wants to collaborate with I literally list off before we start, here's what I expect from someone that works with me. And I go, I need, I need communication. And it doesn't have to be constant. You don't have to text me right back after I text you. But at least within 24 hours, I would like a response, even if that response is I don't know yet. Let me check or I'm still working on it. I'll give you an answer on Friday. Like just some sort of response. So having these communications is super, super important. finding those ways to have those conversations, whether whether it's upfront in a professional conversation, or in a friendship where you feel open to go, Hey, things ain't right. Let's see if we can fix this. Like that all that stuff is it's it's for your, your betterment, it's for your health. Because if you just like you said these energy vampires, you let them do it. And if they don't know they're doing it, you're gonna learn to you're gonna have resentment against them. And they're gonna go, Why is she being so mean to me? Because they may not be aware of it. That's completely in total yet. Another thing I love about those conversations is it gives us an opportunity to really reflect on okay, if I'm going to give them feedback about how I'm feeling about the relationship and what I need from the relationship. I also need to check in with me, and how have I been showing up? You know, how have I been showing up taking control of all of the things not actually allowing them to take control of the things I want them to because, for example, I want the towels folded a certain way. That's when that hits home with water. People, especially my fellow perfectionist, a recovering perfectionist, no, Honey, don't help me with the laundry because I really want the towels folded a certain way in case some like, random person drops in and decides to inspect our children's bathroom towel shelf, I still struggle with that. My wife has a very particular way to fold, do not understand how she does it. I just try and adapt to my husband's style. I mean, we've been married for almost 16 years. It's like get over it, Julie. But you know, if I'm never conveying, hey, here's how I want this done, then, am I you know, in my rights to be resentful? Or is it an opportunity for me to sit down with them and say, here's how I'm feeling. And this is how I'm seeing myself show up. So here's how I'd like to see it. And here's how I'd like you to hold me accountable to me showing up differently so that we can be more effective or so that there isn't room for resentment. Always think about Bernie brown and how she talks about clear is kind unclear is unkind. How do we get a really clear picture of what the end goal is? And game is so that we're not like, Oh, well, I thought I understood. And I thought this and you thought that and they're actually very different. But we made some assumptions. No, absolutely. I think coming at things from a calm. I just want to understand point of view. Or, yeah, like or Hey, maybe you're not understanding how can I help you understand more instead of why aren't you doing this? Alright, too. Wrap us that wraps it up for today. I know we could talk and talk and talk maybe sometime we'll do a you interview Julian's. Oh, so good. We're also gonna make a blooper reel of this episode. Um, you mentioned another script that you're working on, about the abuse of dad. Yeah. Is there anything else that's coming up that people should be excited about or watching for beset the fourth season of Hollywood hustle podcast, which is my podcast where I interview people from all over the industry in different mediums, YouTube, music, magicians, actors, directors all over the place is going to come out in April, we, I've got eight interviews in the bank, then I'm gonna start editing soon. Plus, like two more this week, and it's gonna be really great. I'm really excited. We call we're calling this season four last year should have been season four. But unfortunately, due to COVID and homeschool with my kid and stuff like that, they got to push back. And so we ended up doing kind of like just kind of a reconnect episode with some performer guessing, you know, time out what they were going through. But I will suggest if you're 2020 was really hard for you, and you're still feeling the effects from all the stuff that happened. We have a really great episode, it's our last episode before the end of the season, with a therapist where we discussed grief and we talked about the the impact of grief over 2020 not just from the loss of people, but loss of jobs and loss of careers and loss of potential and, and things like that. And we really wanted to focus on loss as a bigger thing than just the people that happened. And so we discuss grief and, and and dealing with 2020 and how do you kind of move forward? And so that was a really great episode. But yeah, so the Four Seasons coming out in April, I I'm hoping once we're done with the festivals, I'll be able to put like, nothing happened online, so I'll make sure I'll let you know when that happens. Yeah, that's that's pretty Oh, you can catch me on clubhouse. I do two rooms every week on clubhouse. If you're on clubhouse, it's at Daniel Tuttle to TTL one of the rooms is a producing your own content room where we talk about, we answer questions about producing your own content, and how do you do it? How should you do it, we also give advice to actors about their type or their essence, if you will. And then I run another room, which is a q&a with people in the industry at casting directors, managers agents, wrote and reputable reputable people who have been in this for years and tons of clients that are doing everything that you want to do. So that's on Thursdays at 10am pacific standard time and the one on the producer on content is on Tuesdays at 9am Pacific Standard Time, because the people I do it with are in the east Coast's they get it's always earlier for me, unfortunately, but uh so yeah, it find me on there. And if you want to connect in, you can do that. Or if you're also looking to start a podcast and need help developing or producing or editing that, feel free to reach out to me. Amazing. It's so good to have you on today. It was such I enjoyed talking to you so much. Thank you so much for having me on. I truly appreciate it. This has been a fun conversation. I'm so glad you could join us for this conversation today with Daniel if you want to follow Him and see what he's up to. We have put some links in the show notes. Otherwise, I want to make sure that you have Your personal invitation to the called and courageous enneagram Kickstarter. This is a hybrid program that essentially is a week coaching journey, plus, online pre recorded modules teaching you everything that you need to know about the enneagram. We are doing the self work or building foundation we're getting clear on who are we, what do we want, where are we going, and what's getting in the way of your next expansion. I'm holding eight spots for the women's group starts March 24. We're holding eight spots for the men's group that is starting April 6. There is a link in the show notes. I can't wait to see you next time. Until then, this is your loving reminder that you are love, joy, strength, light and grace, you are always enough and I'm so glad you're on this becoming journey with me.