The Becoming Ourselves Podcast

The Challenges & Benefits of Imposter Syndrome

March 12, 2021 Juli Wenger Season 1 Episode 23
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
The Challenges & Benefits of Imposter Syndrome
Chapters
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
The Challenges & Benefits of Imposter Syndrome
Mar 12, 2021 Season 1 Episode 23
Juli Wenger

In this unscripted raw episode, we are going to talk about one of the things that I find gets in my own way the most. I  often see Imposter Syndrome showing up for people who are about to make a big life move or has a comfort zone that they are trying to step out of. People who are about to have a "Hold Your Nose & Jump" moment. Essentially everyone, period. So if you're a human and you have a heartbeat, I'm really glad you're here because at some point or another you have faced and will face again, Imposter Syndrome.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

Called & Courageous Enneagram Kickstarter https://www.juliwenger.com/enneagramkickstarter

Be Nice to Yourself Workshop https://www.eventbrite.com/e/be-nicer-to-yourself-tickets-138337969591

CONNECT WITH ME

Instagram: @juliwenger

Facebook: - ww.facebook.com/becomingourselvespodcast

LinkedIn: Juli Wenger 

Website: https://www.juliwenger.com/

Show Notes Transcript

In this unscripted raw episode, we are going to talk about one of the things that I find gets in my own way the most. I  often see Imposter Syndrome showing up for people who are about to make a big life move or has a comfort zone that they are trying to step out of. People who are about to have a "Hold Your Nose & Jump" moment. Essentially everyone, period. So if you're a human and you have a heartbeat, I'm really glad you're here because at some point or another you have faced and will face again, Imposter Syndrome.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 

Called & Courageous Enneagram Kickstarter https://www.juliwenger.com/enneagramkickstarter

Be Nice to Yourself Workshop https://www.eventbrite.com/e/be-nicer-to-yourself-tickets-138337969591

CONNECT WITH ME

Instagram: @juliwenger

Facebook: - ww.facebook.com/becomingourselvespodcast

LinkedIn: Juli Wenger 

Website: https://www.juliwenger.com/

Juli Wenger:

Welcome to the becoming ourselves podcast where we believe that you were created on purpose with purpose and for a purpose. I'm Julie winger and empowerment and identity coach and enneagram two committed to helping you step out of overwhelm perfectionism and self sabotage. listen in to learn how to take back your power, uncover the stories and patterns that keep you small, and lean in to living your most powerful, purposeful and passionate life. Let's dive in. Today on becoming ourselves, we are going straight up unscripted into imposter syndrome, we are going to talk about one of the things that I find gets in my own way the most, and that I see showing up for everyone who is moving towards a hold your nose and jump moment, everyone who's moving towards some kind of change everyone who has a calling, everyone who has a comfort zone they're trying to step out of, and essentially everyone, period. So if you're a human and you have a heartbeat, I'm really glad you're here because at some point or another you have faced and will face again, imposter syndrome. Now, here's some of the groundwork that I want to lay. One is that imposter syndrome ultimately serves us here that again, imposter syndrome serves you. imposter syndrome shows up often, when we are in growth. imposter syndrome shows up often when we are in the middle of some kind of an uplevel or an expansion. Because here's what's happening is that our subconscious mind, we've talked about this before, it doesn't like change. It doesn't like for us to shift because it is hard wired to keep us safe. Our system, our brains, our neurobiology, our sympathetic nervous system, they're all wired to keep us safe from danger. And that means those systems crave certainty. So guess what happens when we go a change in? We don't have certainty anymore, we might logically have some sense of what's next, we might logically have some sense of what is coming or what should come or what we can expect. But subconsciously, it's not certain, because it's not here yet. certainty exists for our subconscious mind. Now, in the now in the present, and sometimes in the past, right, I've seen this happen before. So this is what's going to happen again, there is a proof that exists. And it's like it's wired into our body. So when we go growing, there is this internal flag going like, I don't know if that's safe. So I'm going to try and stop you from doing all the things I'm going to try and stop you from growing. I'm going to try and stop you from changing. I'm going to try and keep you the same because their certainty, even if it means are suffering right now, their certainty because right now seems like we're safe. We're alive or breathing things are okay. So it's kind of an overreaction by the hardwired parts of us. But it's one of the reasons that imposter syndrome serves us is that it's trying to keep us safe. It's one of our bodies and our minds, defense mechanisms. Self protective pattern, okay. Another reason that imposter syndrome serves us is because it's an invitation. This is what I love about imposter syndrome. And we're gonna get into some of what I don't love about it because being in it sucks. And here's the thing, imposter syndrome is an invitation to keep rising. imposter syndrome tells me, I'm on the right track. It tells me that I am growing, it tells me that I am expanding tells me that I am moving along the growth curve. And here's what gets really important. I'm going to give you a little bit of just groundwork backstory here. When I was taking my self compassion course with Dr. Kristin Neff about a month ago, she was talking about the differences between x space of safety the safe zone and then around the safe zone is a challenge zone. So if you think nesting circle safe zones in the middle, then there's a challenge zone around that and that's where you know we're challenged but we're okay. When we get into overwhelmed zone that's where we're not safe anymore. We don't feel safe. We can't learn in that space, we can't grow in that space, we also don't grow a lot in safety. So the key for us is to maintain stepping into challenge sometimes imposter syndrome can be triggered by us stepping into the challenge zone into the learning zone. And I want to highlight that because we are always working our way through a journey of growth. And in the journey of growth, we will have times where we really get to lean into the challenge zone. Those are when we're when we're rising, when we move up what I like to call the expansion curve, where we close the capability gap of going, where am I Where do I want to be? How do I get to there, and I like to think of like the front end of a bell curve, right, you've got a plateau off to the side. And that space is the safe zone. That's comfort. That's where we can really internalize and integrate the things that we've been learning about ourselves about situations where we could take the growth that we've just gone through and settle into it, really internalize it, metabolize it, integrate it, integration is key. Otherwise, side note, if we don't integrate the lessons, if we don't take the time to slow down and be with them, and really allow them to become part of our wiring part of our system, part of our behavioral patterns, we'll have to go back and learn the lesson again. It's like we loop back to the lesson instead of moving on into the next growth curve. So we've got that plateau we get comfortable, we internalize we integrate, and there in front of us is this next hill, it's this next growth curve, it's this next thing to climb, maybe it's another hold your nose and jump moment you get to move to and through, not the next level of you, the next level of whatever you're building, next level of your calling. So we start to move up that curve and that's the challenge zone. And that's where imposter syndrome shows up and tries to bring you back into safety. Sometimes it'll show up and try and push you over into overwhelms because you're not going back into safety like it wants you to. And one of the keys that's been so helpful for me is really saying like, Okay, I see you and I do this with a lot of emotions. I do this with fear which imposter syndrome is linked to I do this one comparison shows up which imposter syndrome is linked to I do this with pretty much any negative feeling that I see show up. Like, hey, imposter syndrome, I see you. I know you're trying to keep me safe. Thank you. Thank you for showing up for me and making sure I'm okay. But I'll tell you what, I've got this, we're gonna be all right. We're okay, we got this, we can figure this out. We're resilient, we're courageous, we're gonna do it, we're going to be fine. This is where I want to shift gears for a second, because I talked to you about how we're going to go into the not so fun parts of imposter syndrome. imposter syndrome is let's do that together. Actually quickly here. Just take a breath in through your nose out through your nose. Since I've been learning in breathwork facilitator training. When we breathe through our mouth, it triggers a stress response. So there's your bonus for today. Anyway, sometimes we need to stop and breathe. Particularly why I wanted to stop and breathe right there is because imposter syndrome triggers shame. imposter syndrome tells me that I'm not enough. And underneath, I'm not enough especially for my enneagram to self. Remember all heart people. What is underneath the surface of heart triad people who have that lens is shame. So there's a shame avoidance that shows up there but shame shows up for all of us. an imposter syndrome tells us we're not enough. It creates a story of you're not enough. You shouldn't try Why bother? The inner critic shows up, the judge shows up. And these moments come. Sometimes when we are tired, these moments come when we haven't taken as good care of ourselves or self care game hasn't been super strong. These things show up. When triggers happen. And you loop that together with growth, you loop that together with walking the path up this growth curve up this expansion to what's my next thing. And it's like it compounds. And as I'm talking about it right now it physically feels heavy imposter syndrome is sometimes someone else's voice. Sometimes it's our own voice. Sometimes it's a collection of voices. And it can reflect back to us, even though it's trying to protect us, even though it's telling us we're on our growth track, and we're on the right track. And we can loop into those things in these triggering moments. There's all of these imprints, there's all of these emotional experiences that felt similar from when we were little, that can show up and make us question ourselves. Our bodies, our minds are really fascinating. And they're brilliant, when that our our levels of awareness can bring back things from when we were so without context on the world and give it context and then bring those stories into moments of now. Absolutely boggles my mind. And in honor of being unscripted, I'm going to share a story with you. When I was in high school, I was really epically bullied by two of my former best friends. And one of them I'd grown up down the block from we'd been friends since we were three or four. And the other I had gotten to know in elementary school, and in like Saskatchewan, where I grew up, we had K to eight. So you went elementary school up to grade eight, and then you went high school nine to 12, for those of you who have a different structure. And I was the kid who never fit in, I was a kid that tried too hard, I just wanted to belong. And something about me always felt not enough. And that was by no fault of my parents, like they loved me, we had a really stable home. But when we get into talking enneagram, we get into talking about how children are impacted when they're growing up by not being able to give or receive love perfectly. And by a disconnection from God or source. There is this impact that comes from that. So regardless of you know, getting into all the weeds on that I was the kid that tried too hard, I was awkward. So we got to the end of elementary school, and I had never felt like I fit. So I thought, I'll switch schools, I'll go somewhere else, I'll have a new start not realizing as my 14 year old self that wherever you go, there you are, that I had work to do on me and my own belonging. So I went off to this new school, and kind of kept in touch with these people. And we had, you know, friends that were in common because we still lived in the same area. I started dating this boy. And it turns out, one of my former best friends had a crush on him. And she snapped. She brought the other friend along for the ride with her. I was epically bullied for two years, everything from being followed home from school every day, and y'all got to physically threatened never actually physically harmed thankfully, but emotional and verbal abuse. And it was rough when we can get into that another time. We can talk about boyfriends and codependency that shows up in insecure twos and all of the things but point of this being there was always this narrative in me of not enoughness of not fitting of not being worthy of love. And this solidified it for me. And why that's important is that then when we're adults, we can move forward literally 20 years and have an experience that on some level triggers an emotion from an experience way back then, and have all of that baggage come up into this moment, have the imposter syndrome. The shame the feelings of not being enough that were so inherent to my story show up as I'm building a new business empowering people now What's fun is that most of the time, I can zoom out. And I can take an observer perspective on my own life, and I can see it happening, which makes it easier to choose to step out of, it makes it easier to choose to not buy into it, to say, like, Okay, I got some healing to do there, I've got some processing to do there. But sometimes we don't see it. And it's so vital for us that we surround ourselves with people who will hold us accountable to ourselves, who will call us into our power, and who will remind us who we are. Because when we start spiraling, and we don't see it, when imposter syndrome shows up, and it's tied to something that is so ingrained in us and has been internalized and integrated as part of our identity for so long. Like that experience, it makes it really tough to see our blind spots. And even if we do to step out of the emotional cycle, almost want to call it a cyclone that exists and take our power back sometimes takes an outsider to come in and say, Hey, I see you, are you okay? What support do you need? How can I step in for you right now? How can I remind you who you are? How can I give you context on yourself that will help interrupt this pattern that's showing up for you, so that you can come back to neutral enough? Because what happens when we flip that much like we're flipping our lives, we're going into fight and flight. So how do we get our lives back on? How do we get back to neutral enough. And it's not by running the story over and over and over and over and over in our head. It's by leaning into a toolkit and by surrounding ourselves with people who love us when I've had spirals like that, and this is where I want to be super transparent, because I can be a really phenomenal coach and still have my own stuff I'm working through. I'm not there yet, there is no there. I'm gonna keep telling you that and telling you that and telling you that because we need to have these conversations. I'm not there yet, I'm not at a point where I'm never going to have a trigger. I'm not at a point where I'm never going to make up a story about the meaning or the context of something. That is literally not how our brains are wired. Our brains are made to look for good and bad, our brains are wired to figure out where the danger is and keep us safe. Part of the work is learning to spend less time in those spaces, is learning to observe them so we can step out. And if you hear nothing from today, other than that, it's for you. And it's a signal that you're on the right track. And this, I want you to hear from me when I say you must have people, you must have other people who love you and care about you and support you and do not shame you or allow you to sit in shame. And who will remind you of who you are to get out of imposter syndrome when it's more than just a little blip on the radar. Because sometimes it will be sometimes it's like, Oh, that feels kind of icky. But I'm just gonna do it anyway, I'll just choose, I'll choose to step through the fear and do the things. But sometimes, it's like a big dark cloud. And someone needs to remind you to circle back to our episode from last week that you were the damn storm. And you got to choose where you stand in it. But you get to choose to plant your feet in the middle of the storm and say, I will not be moved. And I allow myself to feel the feelings and to process the things into tune into my body and to ask it for what lessons that house for me, I give myself permission to thank the feelings and thank the emotions for showing up. Because I know that they're trying to take care of me. And then I give myself permission to step out of all of that, and back into my empowered state back into the better version of me back into a healthier version of me. Where I'm moving towards my next growth curve. The growth curve is not without its bumps. It's not without its challenges. It is the challenge zone. Of course it's going to have challenges, but they're worth it. And we start to be triggered less into imposter syndrome, at least I find less deeply over time. And it starts to show up more as like oh there's that So to bring our super random unscripted episode to a close, get curious about how your imposter syndrome is for you get curious about the lessons that has for you get curious about where is there some work or some awareness that maybe is worth going to therapy? We all need therapists at some point in our life, where are there some things that you need to work through that are getting in your way and that are beyond the spectrum of the work I do. Because there are some things that I'm not equipped for. There are some things and going backwards and daikon around that really require a specialized toolkit. So get curious about your dream team. Who are you putting in place that supports you dreaming big and moving forward and stepping into the best version of yourself and developing more awareness? who's helping you dig out that old stuff that's holding you down? And where is the community that you can call at eight o'clock on a Friday night and say I'm spiraling right now that will help pull you out of it. I hope you've enjoyed our random episode today. And I hope to see you at some upcoming things. To be nicer to yourself workshop is coming up in just over a week. I would love to see you there. Mark your calendars because the becoming ourselves summit is back on June 18. We're finalizing speaker lists tickets will be available for early bird in the next week. I'm so excited. The last one was so much fun, you will not want to miss us without musical performances, we have exceptional speakers, we're bringing in my breathwork facilitator, it's gonna be a blast. Finally, for those of you who are curious about the enneagram, and you're curious about a coaching environment, I am running a beta group of the enneagram Kickstarter under the column courageous umbrella. And this is gonna be a hybrid of enneagram course pre recorded online modules, workbooks with group coaching, over eight weeks, in small cohorts of eight people for running a men's group or running women's groups, we've got a total of 16 spots, some of them are gone already. So without sales pitching you because that's not what I'm about. But knowing that this is going to be amazing. And it's like the cheapest thing I've ever done and will ever do. I'd love to see you there. If you're interested. There's a whole bunch of links, make sure that you're on the newsletter list because there's so much going on all the time. That's the best way to keep in touch and to know what's coming and to get a weekly dose of love and virtual hugs in a readable format. Until next time, this was your loving reminder that you were loved joy, strength, light and grace, you're enough and imposter syndrome serves you if you let it all my love and virtual hugs