The Becoming Ourselves Podcast

Fan Favorite Summer! - Imposter Syndrome

August 24, 2022 Episode 110
The Becoming Ourselves Podcast
Fan Favorite Summer! - Imposter Syndrome
Show Notes Transcript

Everybody experiences it, but do you know what imposter syndrome really is? And do you know how to conquer it? 

We're getting tactical in this episode and making the connection between faith, purpose, and the fear that takes us out.
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Juli Wenger:

Welcome to becoming ourselves, the podcast, where we help you answer the questions Who Am I? And why am I here. And then we help you get out of your own way because the world is waiting for you to show up and own your power. You have been placed on this earth for purpose, with purpose and on purpose by a God who loves you fiercely. And he has called you to something that has been specifically created for you right now. I'm Juli Wenger. I'm a coach and author, speaker and Enneagram teacher, a Jesus lover and an entrepreneur that rocks ADHD, I am passionate about helping you step into the life you've called to, that something you know is possible, but haven't been able to reach. So buckle up, because it's not always an easy ride. But on the other side, is a life that is fired up, filled. Let's go Welcome back, it's a week two of fan favorites summer, I am enjoying my break, or at least I'm assuming I'm enjoying my break, because I'm pre recording this to get out in front of things. Because right now, I am slash will be okay, I am on the other side of a gigantic uplevel. And stepping through something that has been just huge in my life. And impostor syndrome shows up there, which is what we're going to talk about today as we go back into the archives for some of the most impactful downloaded episodes that you yourselves have told me have been really important for you. This particular one, I've had so many conversations with clients, and let's call them people on the street, okay, who have talked about this being one that they circle back to on the regular because there is context, there is an invitation that exists within impostor syndrome. And we talked about this in the book. So if you haven't got your copy yet fired up, fulfilled and free, go grab it, the link is in the show notes for you. Or you can head over to Juli wenger.com/fired up book, all one word, and we have all the links there to hop out to Amazon you can just search for it now Amazon to you. That's probably your easiest way. We've got ebook and paperback audios on the way. Okay, so know that, but don't wait to get it. Because waiting to change your life. waiting to get clarity is what has you in a space of actually like needing or wanting the book in the first place. So that said, I am on the other side of something that is massive, I am enjoying a break, we are continuing to lean into some of this material that is still relevant even though it's been over a year since we've talked about this. So I hope that you will take notes, I hope that you will be open, that you will surrender to what's here for you that you will have ears to hear that God will work because he shows up when we let them. And it's my hope that on the other side of this episode, you will be fired up to step through all the fear and all of the voices that say what do you think you're doing and who do you think you are? Because trust me, on the other side of doing a whole lot of that life is so much more I'm going to do it wait for it fired up, fulfilled and free. There you go. There's your goofy Julie quota for today. And today on becoming ourselves we are going straight up unscripted into imposter syndrome. We are going to talk about one of the things that I find gets in my own way the most. And that I see showing up for everyone who is moving towards a hold your nose and jump moment. Everyone who's moving towards some kind of change everyone who has a calling everyone who has a comfort zone they're trying to step out of and essentially everyone, period. So if you're a human and you have a heartbeat, I'm really glad you're here because at some point or another you have faced and we'll face again, impostor syndrome. Now, here's some of the groundwork that I want to lay. One is that imposter syndrome ultimately serves us here that again, impostor syndrome serves you. Imposter Syndrome shows up often when we are in growth. impostor syndrome shows up often when we are in the middle of some kind of an uplevel or an expansion. Because here's what's happening is that our subconscious mind we've talked about this before. It doesn't like to Ah, it doesn't like for us to shift because it is hard wired to keep us safe. Our system, our brains, our neurobiology, our sympathetic nervous system, they're all wired to keep us safe from danger. And that means those systems crave certainty. So guess what happens when we go a change in? We don't have certainty anymore, we might logically have some sense of what's next, we might logically have some sense of what is coming or what should come or what we can expect. But subconsciously, it's not certain. Because it's not here yet. Certainty exists before our subconscious mind now, in the now in the present, and sometimes in the past, right, I've seen this happen before. So this is what's going to happen again, there is a proof that exists. And it's like it's wired into our body. So when we go growing, there is this internal flag going like, I don't know if that's safe. So I'm going to try and stop you from doing all the things I'm going to try and stop you from growing. I'm going to try and stop you from changing. I'm going to try and keep you the same. Because there's certainty, even if it means are suffering right now, there's certainty because right now seems like we're safe, or alive or breathing things are okay. So it's kind of an overreaction by the hardwired parts of us. But it's one of the reasons that impostor syndrome serves us is that it's trying to keep us safe. It's one of our bodies and our minds, to fence mechanisms. Self protective pattern, okay. Another reason that impostor syndrome serves us is because it's an invitation. This is what I love about impostor syndrome. And we're gonna get into some of what I don't love about it, because being in it sucks. And here's the thing, imposter syndrome is an invitation to keep rising. impostor syndrome tells me, I'm on the right track, it tells me that I am growing, it tells me that I am expanding. Love tells me that I am moving along the growth curve. And here's what gets really important. I'm gonna give you a little bit of just groundwork backstory here, when I was taking my self compassion course, with Dr. Kristin Neff, about a month ago, she was talking about the differences between a space of safety the safe zone, and then around the safe zone is a challenge zone. So if you think nesting circles, safe zones in the middle, then there's a challenge zone around that. And that's where, you know, we're challenged, but we're okay. When we get into overwhelm zone, that's where we're not safe anymore, we don't feel safe, and we can't learn in that space, we can't grow in that space. We also don't grow a lot in safety. So the key for us is to maintain stepping into challenge sometimes impostor syndrome can be triggered by us stepping into the challenge zone into the learning zone. And I want to highlight that because we are always working our way through a journey of growth. And in the journey of growth, we will have times where we really get to lean into the challenge on those are when we're when we're rising, when we move up what I like to call the expansion curve, where we close the capability gap of going, where am i Where do I want to be? How do I get to there, and I like to think of like the front end of a bell curve, right, you've got a plateau off to the side. And that space is the safe zone. That's comfort. That's where we can really internalize and integrate the things that we've been learning about ourselves about situations where we could take the growth that we've just gone through and settle into it, really internalize it, metabolize it, integrate it, integration is key. Otherwise, sidenote, if we don't integrate the lessons, if we don't take the time to slow down and be with them, and really allow them to become part of our wiring, part of our system, part of our behavioral patterns, we'll have to go back and learn the lesson again. So like we loop back to the lesson, instead of moving on into the next growth curve. So we've got that plateau we get comfortable we internalize we integrate and there in front of us is this next hill It's this next growth curve, it's this next thing to climb, maybe it's another hold your nose and jump moment, you get to move to and through, let's say next level of you, and next level of whatever you're building next level of your calling. So we start to move up that curve. And that's the challenge zone. And that's where impostor syndrome shows up and tries to bring you back into safety. Sometimes it'll show up and try and push you over into overwhelmed, because you're not going back into safety like it wants you to. And one of the keys that's been so helpful for me is really saying like, Okay, see you and I do this with a lot of emotions. I do this with fear which imposter syndrome is linked to, I do this when comparison shows up which imposter syndrome was linked to. I do this with pretty much any negative feeling that I see show up. Like, hey, imposter syndrome, I see you. I know you, you're trying to keep me safe. Thank you. Thank you for showing up for me and making sure I'm okay. But I'll tell you what, I've got this, we're gonna be all right. We're okay, we got this, we can figure this out. We're resilient or courageous, we're going to do it, we're going to be fine. This is where I want to shift gears for a second, because I talked to you about how we're gonna go into the not so fun parts of imposter syndrome. impostor syndrome is. Let's do that together. Actually, quickly here, just take a breath. In through your nose out through your nose. Because I've been learning in breathwork facilitator training. When we breathe through our mouth, it triggers a stress response. So there's your bonus for today. Anyway, sometimes we need to stop and breathe. Particularly why I wanted to stop and breathe right there is because impostor syndrome triggers shame. impostor syndrome tells me that I'm not enough. And underneath, I'm not enough, especially for my Enneagram to self. Remember all heart people. What is underneath the surface of heart triad. People who have that lens is shame. So there's a shame avoidance, it shows up there. But shame shows up for all of us. An impostor syndrome tells us we're not enough. It creates a story of you're not enough. You shouldn't try why bother, the inner critic shows up, the judge shows up. And these moments come. Sometimes when we are tired, these moments come when we haven't taken as good care of ourselves, or self care game hasn't been super strong. These things show up. When triggers happen. And you loop that together with growth, you loop that together with walking the path up this growth curve up this expansion to what's my next thing. And it's like it compounds. And as I'm talking about it right now, it physically feels heavy. impostor syndrome is sometimes someone else's voice. Sometimes it's our own voice. Sometimes it's a collection of voices. And it can reflect back to us even though it's trying to protect us. Even though it's telling us we're on our growth track. And we're on the right track. And we can loop into those things in these triggering moments. There's all of these imprints there's all of these emotional experiences that felt similar from when we were little that can show up and make us question ourselves. Our bodies or minds are really fascinating and they're brilliant. Like that our our levels of awareness can bring back things from when we were so without context on the world and give it context and then bring those stories into moments of now. Absolutely boggles my mind. And in honor of being unscripted, I'm gonna share a story with you. When I was in high school, I was really epically bullied by two of my former best friends. And one of them I'd grown up down the block from we'd been friends since we were three or four and the other or I had gotten to know in elementary school. And in like Saskatchewan, where I grew up, we had K to eight. So you went elementary school up to grade eight, and then you went high school nine to 12, for those of you who have a different structure, and I was the kid who never fit in, I was a kid that tried too hard. I just wanted to belong. And something about me always felt not enough. And that was by no fault of my parents, like they loved me, we had a really stable home. But when we get into talking Enneagram, we get into talking about how children are impacted when they're growing up by not being able to give or receive love perfectly. And by a disconnection from God or source. There is this impact that comes from that. So regardless of you know, getting into all the weeds on that I was the kid that tried too hard, I was awkward. So we got to the end of elementary school, and I had never felt like I fit. So I thought, I'll switch schools and go somewhere else, I'll have a new start not realizing as my 14 year old self that wherever you go, there you are, that I had work to do on me and my own belonging. So I went off to this new school, and kind of kept in touch with these people. And we had, you know, friends that were in common because we still lived in the same area. I started dating this boy. And it turns out, one of my former best friends had a crush on him. And she snapped. She brought the other friend along for the ride with her. I was epically bullied, for two years, everything from being followed home from school every day and yelled at to physically threatened never actually physically harmed thankfully, but emotional and verbal abuse. And it was rough. And we can get into that another time. You can talk about boyfriends and codependency that shows up in insecure twos. And all of the things by point of this being there was always this narrative in me of not enoughness of not fitting of not being worthy of love. And this solidified it for me. And why that's important is that then, when we're adults, we can move forward literally 20 years, and have an experience that on some level triggers an emotion from an experience way back then, and have all of that baggage come up into this moment, have the imposter syndrome, the shame the feelings of not being enough that were so inherent to my story show up as I'm building a new business empowering people. Now, what's fun is that most of the time, I can zoom out. And I can take an observer perspective on my own life, and I can see it happening. Which makes it easier to choose to step out of, it makes it easier to choose to not buy into it to say like, Okay, I got some healing to do there. I've got some processing to do there. But sometimes we don't see it. And it's so vital for us that we surround ourselves with people who will hold us accountable to ourselves, who will call us into our power and who will remind us who we are. Because when we start spiraling and we don't see it, when impostor syndrome shows up. And it's tied to something that is so ingrained in us and has been internalized and integrated as part of our identity for so long. Like that experience. It makes it really tough to see our blind spots. And even if we do to step out of the emotional cycle, almost want to call it a cyclone that exists and take our power back sometimes takes an outsider to come in and say, Hey, I see you are you okay? What support do you need? How can I step in for you right now? How can I remind you who you are? How can I give you context on yourself that will help interrupt this pattern that's showing up for you so that you can come back to neutral enough? Because what happens when we flip that much like we're flipping our lids, we're going into fight and flight. So how do we get our lids back on? How do we get back to neutral enough And it's not by running the story over and over and over and over and over in our head. It's by leaning into a toolkit and by surrounding ourselves with people who love us, when I've had spirals like that, and this is where I want to be super transparent, because I can be a really phenomenal coach and still have my own stuff I'm working through. I'm not there yet, there is no there, I'm going to keep telling you that and telling you that and telling you that because we need to have these conversations. I'm not there yet, I'm not at a point where I'm never going to have a trigger. I'm not at a point where I'm never going to make up a story about the meaning or the context of something. That is literally not how our brains are wired. Our brains are made to look for good and bad, our brains are wired, to figure out where the danger is, and keep us safe. Part of the work is learning to spend less time in those spaces, is learning to observe them so we can step out. And if you hear nothing from today, other than know that it's for you, and it's a signal that you're on the right track. And this, I want you to hear me when I say you must have people, you must have other people who love you and care about you and support you and do not shame you or allow you to sit in shame. And who will remind you of who you are to get out of imposter syndrome when it's more than just a little blip on the radar. Because sometimes it will be sometimes it's like, Oh, that feels kind of icky. But I'm just gonna do it anyway, I'll just choose, I'll choose to step through the fear and do the things. But sometimes, it's like a big dark cloud. And someone needs to remind you to circle back to our episode from last week that you are the dam storm. And you get to choose where you stand in it, that you get to choose to plant your feet in the middle of the storm and say, I will not be moved. And I allow myself to feel the feelings and to process the things and to tune into my body and to ask it for what lessons it has. For me, I give myself permission to thank the feelings and thank the emotions for showing up. Because I know that they're trying to take care of me. And then I give myself permission to step out of all of that, and back into my empowered state back into the better version of me back into a healthier version of me. Where I'm moving towards my next growth curve. The growth curve is not without its bumps. It's not without its challenges. It is the challenge zone, of course, it's going to have challenges. But they're worth it. And we start to be triggered less into imposter syndrome, at least I find less deeply over time. And it starts to show up more as like, oh, there's that. So to bring our super random unscripted episode to a close get curious about how your imposter syndrome is for you get curious about the lessons that has for you get curious about where is there some work or some awareness that maybe is worth going to therapy? We all need therapists at some point in our life, where are there some things that you need to work through that are getting in your way that are beyond the spectrum of the work I do, because there are some things that I'm not equipped for. There are some things in going backwards and Daikon around that really require a specialized toolkit. So get curious about your dream team. Who are you putting in place that supports you dreaming big and moving forward and stepping into the best version of yourself and developing more awareness? Who's helping you dig out that old stuff that's holding you down? And where's the community that you can call at eight o'clock on a Friday night same spiraling right now that will help pull you out of it I hope this episode stirred something up in you or gave you some hope. Until next time, know that you are enough that everything in you that has been placed in you has been put there to help you carry out the calling that is on your life. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please please please hop into wherever you listen to podcasts and leave a positive review for us. And the links that we mentioned during the episode will be in your show notes. So make sure to Check this out. Until next time, be love. Be joy. Be strong and courageous and be too much. I dare you