Becoming Ourselves - The Podcast

From Author to Authority - Wives on a Mission to Endure

May 25, 2022 Season 4 Episode 10
Becoming Ourselves - The Podcast
From Author to Authority - Wives on a Mission to Endure
Show Notes Transcript

Joining me this week is my friend and fellow author accountability buddy, Katherine Brookins, author of "Wives on a Mission to Endure".

MEET KATHERINE:
Katherine Brookins is a native of Chicago, IL. She is the founder and CEO of Divine Motivation, LLC in Illinois. She holds a bachelor's degree in political science, and is currently pursuing a master's degree in communication from Liberty University. She enjoys praise dancing, reading, listening to music, and listening to a sermon on YouTube. She often gives words of encouragement to listeners on her podcast, Divine Motivation for Wives and Mothers. Her desire is to see marriages and families healed, healthy, lasting and thriving. She and her husband, William, have been married for nearly 13 years, and have a lifetime to go. They have a Facebook page called Marriage Surgery, where they encourage other married couples to keep pressing forward in their marriage. Katherine and William have a blended family, which consists of six beautiful children, three girls and three boys. 

Website: www.marriagesurgery.com 

Facebook group: Wives On A Mission To Endure  

Clubhouse: @KatBrookins


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Juli Wenger:

You are on this earth for a purpose. You want to live a life that matters. So let's get through the fear and the overwhelm and all the crap that gets in the way of you living the life of yours. This is the becoming ourselves podcast where we are fired up about you getting clear on who you are, what you're called to, and how to get there. Because the world is waiting for you to show up and own your power. I'm your host, Juli Wenger, a coach, a speaker at Jesus lover, and Enneagram, two, and a tree shaker. Let's dive into what's keeping you stuck. Because on the other side, is a life that's fired up. Today, on the becoming ourselves podcast, I am so honored to have my dear friend, and sister, I'm gonna go ahead and call you my sister, Catherine brokens. On the podcast, she has been someone so instrumental in my own book writing process, because she was in my accountability group. And what was the bootcamp that we've been talking about in this whole series about becoming an author from author to authority, and Katherine just released her first book, it's called wives on a mission to endure. And I'm just so excited to have you here. So welcome.

Unknown:

Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be on here.

Juli Wenger:

Okay, so let's take people into because a lot of the focus of this whole series has been along the lines of what if you want to write a book? And what is that like? And what are you actually getting into? And what's a good reason to do it? And so let's take them to earlier in the journey, because you said something to me before we started recordings I never thought it was going to write about. So let's go back to this point of, no, I'm gonna do this thing. And talk about what was happening and what shifted.

Unknown:

Okay, so last year, what happened in 2021, around August, I decided to really go into the things that Catherine wanted. You know, I'm a wife, I'm a mom. But I sat down in August of 2021. And I said, you know, what, Catherine, what do you really want to do with your life? I have a college degree, but I was like, I want it to go back to school. So I decided to go back to school. And then after that, I kept seeing this ad for a bootcamp variety. And I say, You know what, let me just try it. I had no idea that God was actually going to give me the book at that moment. For me, I've always thought it took years to write a book. But going through the bootcamp, I realized that it took less than two months, at least for me, and it took that long for me because I was having a lot of self doubt. I was trying to find out, am I really qualified to write this book? Am I really qualified to give the information that I'm giving. And my book is called wives on the mission to endure strategies to press on in your marriage when you really want to quit? So the bulk of that timing that was passing as far as me writing the book was, Are you really going to stay in the marriage? And so just really accent myself? Are you qualified enough to write about something that potentially you have? You want to add in? And God is like, No, you're going to write the book. And that's exactly why you're going to write it because now you can relate to them and tell them, Hey, God can do it. You can change your perspective. Yeah.

Juli Wenger:

Which is so important, because right now we see, and we've been seeing this for years, right? We're seeing marriage, divorce rates be over 50%? Yes, most marriages are failing, most people are giving up and a lot of the time, it's because they don't have the tools or the context to figure out, how do I keep going. And then even when we look at the marriages that are surviving, we have to ask the question of how many of them are healthy. So as I was reading, there's one quote that I want to just poke at here a little bit and then I'm gonna let you talk about this and we'll get into the journey a little bit more. Your husband is your assignment. Yes, I was reading that I was like, hold up stone highlighter. Because we don't often think like that, right. It's this just you get into default and we've been married 17 years will come this Saturday, US recording So may the seventh congrats and thanks. We were babies, like 20 years old. When I look back on that and I think what Are we crazy? And yes, we were actually, when we didn't really know what we were getting ourselves into, but especially as one of those marriages that surviving, as I'm reading this book, I'm going, Okay, where is this, calling me out on just operating from a place of default? After that many years, just rolling with what seems to be a pattern. But you also talked in that part of the book about how, just like, we change, and we grow, so to our husbands? And are we paying attention? And are we studying them in your words, so I wanted to just pause there,

Unknown:

yes, years ago, God really laid that on my heart, like your marriage is an assignment, your, your children are in assignment, you have to study them as if you were in, in school, you know, every year, every so many years, you're evolving as a person as a woman, and so is your husband he's involved in as a man and, and you are changing as a wife, and your desires and your goals and your dreams are changing, and so is his. And so as far as having an assignment a lot, and I talked about in a book, a lot of times when someone thinks they already know the course, or they know their assignment, or they think, Oh, this is going to be easy, I can pass this with flying colors. So they really never study for the exams, they never really take the writing assignments seriously. You know, they never take that time out to really develop in that class. However, when they get to the final, or even get to the quizzes, and it's talking about textbook information, they don't know because they felt like they already knew everything that was going on in that class. So they never picked the book up. So for us, the book is the Bible. And God is telling us what we need in order to pass this assignment. And, and what we need in order to pass this this course called marriage. And we really just have to pay attention to our husband, study them just like we study ourselves. And really ask them like, hey, you know, what are your goals and dreams? You know, how have you changed and, and not just assume that we know? Yeah. Okay, so

Juli Wenger:

let's jump back into process a little bit. So the boot camp comes, yes. And you step into that, like, I'll just test this out, and we'll see what happens. And you actually get this, this book, and this theme of the book is not new to you, right? So let's fill us in a little bit on the backstory behind wives on a mission to endure and how that turned into pay. This is the book theme.

Unknown:

Okay, cool. So for me, just really quick backstory. Growing up, I never wanted to get married. That was not me. I was just like, that's not you know, what I want to do with my life. And I had seen growing up marriages that were not healthy. Of course, both of my grandparents on my mom's side, and my dad's side, both of them were married, but it wasn't like the fairytale marriage that you see on TV. And my aunts and uncles had been married and divorced. So for me, I already knew like, hey, you know, I'm not getting married, I had seen my answer my mom be single moms. So naturally, I was trained, how to be a single mom, not how to be a wife. But it wasn't until God, you know, I got saved, and God kind of changed my perspective. And I was like, Ah, I think I do want to get married. I think I think I want to try this marriage thing out. But I didn't know what I was getting myself into. No one taught me how to look for a husband. No one taught my husband how to look for a wife, we were blinded by a cute face and a ring. That's what I say. And so no one taught me that I was supposed to make sure that my husband was a leader or I was supposed to look for a leader in him. And, you know, I was supposed to look for all these things. And he was supposed to love me, like Christ loved the church. And I was submitted to him as he submitted to Christ. I, we just went the normal route like everyone else, like, hey, the right thing to do is get married, but no one tells you the blueprint of marriage, they just tell you, you need to do it. And so as we became more spiritually grounded and grew in Christ, then we started finding out what marriage was, and the cost of marriage, but it was in that blending and in that finding out and in that grooming, and in that becoming one that it was it just seemed like it was just pulling away because I'm in this independent woman and I have to submit I'm like, Oh my God. And so it was just so stressful. And then we're a blended family, six kids, and that comes with its own set of, you know, issues and, and demands. And so I wanted to quit. I was like, God, I know Utah. I'm gonna get married. But obviously this is this is not for me, I think I want to do over. I don't know, if I picked the right spouse, he doesn't know if he picked the right spouse. I mean, I know, you know, I was looking for a tall guy, I'm 40 Live, and he's six, five. And I was just like, he's just tall and handsome. And but I didn't know, like, marriage requires so much, and so much of me. And in the process of trying to become one, I lost myself. And in the process of trying to be a mother, I lost myself. And so I rediscovered myself, I wouldn't say I found myself and I rediscover myself, in that process of really blaming God for my life, God, it was you, you know, you could have gave me a better life. I've seen the Huxtables, you could have just made us just this beautiful, happy family. You know, why is it so hard? It was in that, that I had to run back to God and say, you know, Lord, I'm sorry, because you're trying to process me, you're trying to do away with my own mindset of not knowing how marriage is supposed to be and what marriage is to give me this new mindset where I can grow into this beautiful wife and become a way that you call me to be and have my marriage be an example to others.

Juli Wenger:

Yeah, there's so many themes there that we could get on such a sidebar, about losing ourselves and rediscovering ourselves and how that tension resolves between being an independent woman and being a wife that submits. And this is not a comfortable word for this generation, right? submits your husband as they and this is a key piece as they submit unto Christ. Yeah, it's not like a while we submit and then he's going to take advantage because the context is, if he is in alignment with God, and with a Colin, his life and who he is called to be, then it doesn't actually negate our independence, it doesn't actually negate our being fully and authentically and powerfully who we are this and it's a, it's like a unity thing. Right. And we have to come together. And I always think about marriage, especially with the context of so many years now under our belt as this kind of being together. And then we drift a little bit apart and have to pull together again, and you drift a little and you pull together again, but it's very intentional, and it takes work. So where I want to come back to though is, so you're rediscovering yourself and the wives on a mission to enter turns into a conference? Yes, yes. So conference, prebook. Yeah. So

Unknown:

what happened was, I was in one of those moments of like, Why did I do this? Why did I get married, you know, maybe this isn't for me and, and my sister in law and I, she had just gotten married. She was a newlywed at the time that she and I started talking every Saturday, and just basically venting about our marriage. And one time, I was just telling her, I was like, You know what, that's it. I'm done. I'm giving this marriage two more years. If it doesn't work, I'm out a year. And she was just like, You know what, you know what, let's just pray you you're not done. God wants to use you in a mighty way you and your husband in regards to marriage. And she just said, Let's pray. So when she began to pray for me, I heard it's so clear, I heard God say wives on a mission to endure. And we began to start, like planning for a conference. And I told her after I heard that, wives and Mitch to endure, I said, God wants us to do a conference and to create this Facebook page, where other women who are going through what we're going through other wives who want to quit, that we can really pour into each other, and give each other strength to keep going. And so what was on a mission to endure is it's not about endure, in terms of enduring everything like you have, you have women that are going through abusive marriages, and, you know, dealing with adultery, and, you know, infidelity, and not in terms of that God doesn't want us to suffer. But endurance in terms of lasting, lasting a lifetime. Endurance is what you need, you know, when you're running a race and a runner is running, and they see the finish line and they feel their legs are given out and they feel like their breath, their heart is pumping really hard and they're losing breath. But they see the finish line and they don't want to quit and they see all these other runners behind them. And they see runners in front of them, and it's on the side of them, but yet their focus is on the finish line. And it seems like when they get their focus on the finish line, they get that extra win that act that endurance that they need to keep going until they pass the finish line. So why was on a mission to endure is just to remind why it was like hey, you just need a little bit more more motivation, you just need that second wind to get you over this hump that your husband and you are going through and that you can make it. But it doesn't mean like, Hey, girl, you if he's beating on you every day, just take it and stay in that marriage because God doesn't like divorce and you, you can make it No, not at all, if you're going through a situation like that, I will always tell women to seek help, make sure that you know, you are getting the help that you need, that you may have to get to a place of separation. When God deals with him, you know, you don't want to be in a place of where you're unsafe. So it's not in terms of just standing something and just accepting anything. But in terms of well, you know, you know, a women know, we know, we know, when we have a marriage, that's, you know, okay, a marriage, that's good, a husband, that is good. But we're getting, you know, really bogged down with the weight of life has come in and just taken away the spark. And so endurance is like, Hey, you can get your spark back, you can do it.

Juli Wenger:

So the encouragement piece, and I think you're right, that's what we need, we need to be in community where we see what's possible, where we're reminded what's possible. And that was part of the power with even our accountability group and writing these books, as we all hit our walls. It's like, I don't think I want to do this, I can't do this, who's going to read this anyway? And you know, to be able to cheer each other on in that process and say, No, you're doing this, you actually, this is happening, I'm not letting you give up. I'm not letting you, you know, talk about how you can't, because clearly you can. And yeah, so the the community and endurance piece, the endurance building is so vital. Plus, when I hear you talk about endurance, I always think about how the Scripture talks about in the challenges in the squeezing, one of the things that we're being built in is our endurance, we're building patient endurance. And so the squeezing the challenge isn't necessarily bad. So let's just jump back to God says, Okay, you're gonna write this book, right? You're gonna write this book, you've done the conference, you have the theme, you're actually it's sitting there, you're getting it out, right? What shows up there in the process,

Unknown:

that that woman who wants to speak to other women about not giving up. So I had no idea about the process of the bootcamp. And once they put us in the accountability group, I met you and the rest of the girls. And at the first day, I really just had no idea what I was getting myself into. But once they allowed us or showed us how to partner with the Holy Spirit to get the book, Holy Spirit just really started downloading to me, the information that basically that I use for the conference, the bullet points that I use at the conference, Holy Spirit led me to use those four chapters. And I began to just write in detail about what I meant, when I say, your, your marriage is an assignment and to watch your thoughts and just the different chapters that I have. I really, I really got the chapters from that conference. So it was like everything was leading to something he first gave me the conference he gave me the name was on a mission to endure. I did my first conference, then from the conference, the next year, which is this year. We're actually later that year, October, that's when I sat down, wrote the manuscript, and then, you know, it's, it's been published, it's been published, I think, for the last month or a couple of weeks. So yeah, so it was a process. And each time, each time that I decided to write each time that I allowed myself the time to write, he always showed up. But it was in the process took longer than what it should have taken. Because like I said, In the beginning, a lot of times I was doubting myself, and if I was worthy enough, or if I was called, to actually speak to more wives, and if I can really, you know, help someone.

Juli Wenger:

I think this piece has been the most illuminating for me in terms of how our own self doubt, stops us. And now, especially when we're on mission, and it's a kingdom thing. It's not just our self doubt, it's how the enemy weaponizes That ego play. And it's interesting, because I said, as we're going through this whole process, it's like God sent me an army. And we got to be each other's army of saying, No, we're not believing that we're not going there. This is who you are, and this is what He says you're capable of and that he makes you worthy. Not that he calls us because we are inherently worthy. But it's one of my favorite verses and one of my life passages, maybe we should call it of Second Thessalonians. 111 says For we continually pray for you, that God will make you worthy of a life that he has called you to. And it always strikes me that it's He makes us worthy. Not we make us worthy. Not we do it, because we are already equipped for it, but that he will equip us for the things that he calls us to. And actually, it's interesting, because even in what I've been listening to this week, and this just illustrates how consistent he is at putting all the things in place and lining up the steps, right? So it was listening to a podcast, and it was talking about how much further can we move, and how much faster can we move if we just operate from a place of agreement about who he says we are, and what he calls us to. And when I think about the conference, already being in play, and being done and having these bullet points, that was him building foundation for the book. And then now the book gets to be an underpinning or a foundation to grow the conference and to grow, the impact that you two are building with marriage surgery is so it's as an observer, it's so fun to watch all of these pieces thread together that you and I would not have predicted in these author becoming stories that we're experiencing.

Unknown:

Hmm, that's good. That's good. And, and, you know, since you just talked about, like, just us becoming together as a team, and how we are each other, we became just like an army for each other. And I really want to say that and accountability group was so important to me. Because it was in that space, Julie, that you actually said something that I actually mentioned in the book, you say cat, you act like, you know, mare, you act like divorce, or a miserable marriage are the only two things that you can have. You say you act like having a healthy, happy, successful marriage is not even on your radar. It's either get a divorce, or have a miserable marriage. And I had to really think about that. And I was like, wow, I never really thought about it like that. And, you know, I can have a healthy, happy marriage. And so having that group really played a part into having us look into our excuses. And why we're giving these excuses as to why we're not good enough, or why we're not capable enough

Juli Wenger:

there is. When I talked about the power of community, I really see it tangibly in that community that he put us in, because there were ways that, you know, I hear you say that, and I think like okay, like Praise, praise the Lord for that. Because he he planted that he's like, just say this, like he speaks through the people that he surrounds us with. And the number of times that he spoke through all of you, or that there was just safe space, to be able to feel what we were feeling and talk about our hesitations and our fears, and also to be able to talk boldly about what we thought was possible. And that's the flip side, right? There's the encouragement when we're down. But there's also this tendency, especially before he's shifted our communities, to be the people who are the right fit to support each other and move us forward, and to move forward with us. And for us to then support and help them move forward. There can be at least for me, this tendency to play small, or to downplay what I'm capable of, or to hide talents and hide skills. And just now that's too much, that's too much, that's too much on all of you gave me such permission to be bigger, and to be bolder, and it says something when I actually sing in front of a group. That's not a formal stage setting. And that was something that even happened within this context was like, wow, this is this is different. For me. This is a different community of people. And a space where it's not this fear about trying to be enough or this fear about being to Christian to bold to, you know, so I really want people to latch into this concept of who are you surrounding yourself with, because they're either going to help propel you forward and be people that God can use to propel you forward. And to remind you, of who you are when maybe you're in a space where you don't want to listen to him directly. And if we don't have the right people, we're going to stall out our progress. So what have you learned since the book went live? Again, it's been a few weeks, mine is not up yet. So I want to pick your brain about what's this experience of being a published author, like,

Unknown:

you know, I have to get used to the title, I have to accept it. Really, I have to look at myself and say, You are now an author. And a lot of times, we have to get used to the very thing God has called us. And we have to accept it, accepting a call on me, I know, I have books inside of me, but to actually be a published author now, and to see it live. And, you know, it's such a great accomplishment to see it on Amazon, you know, and I type in my name, or I type in the book, and my kids are like, Wow, mom is on Amazon, you know. And so that is just such a great feeling. And I know God has so much more in store that the book is just the beginning, is really just like you set a foundation for what he has next. He's, he's building something here. And it's exciting, because like, the conference last year, was the foundation and then he's like, Okay, now I'm building this and I'm, and then maybe in a couple of months, I'm gonna build a room. And then and then a couple of more months, I'm gonna lay out a living room, you know, so he's building this, this life of mine, just like someone will be able to house and I'm so excited that he chose me. You know, I'm so excited that he chose me for the journey. And it's not an easy journey that I'm going on, you know, trying to have a wives on a mission to endure trying to have that as what he wants me to do to really help wives endure, to last not give up not getting a divorce. And I'm excited, I'm excited to, like I said, just really, really getting used to, and accepting that I am an author.

Juli Wenger:

Okay, so this is where I'm going to encourage everyone to go and buy your book, we're gonna put a link in the show notes. And here's, here's my, my hot tip for all the ladies. Okay, when you order this book, give your husband a heads up because this shows up at the house and Dustin opens it and he did not know it's coming. And he's like, you're buying marriage books. It's like, no, it's cats book. And he just like, he cannot keep track of my network. He just can't. And we're just those people that know lots of people. He's like, whose cat like my author, accountability friend, like?

Unknown:

Because the title was like, wait a minute, are we okay? Is our marriage okay? Yeah, exactly.

Juli Wenger:

He was doing the check in I'm like, No, we're good. Everything's fine. This is, you know, me supporting her and wanting to read what she wrote. Like, it's yeah, it's just really. So I've had to explain to him what in German. So yeah, just just give them a heads up that this thing is coming or make sure you open your own mail. And it was such a fun moment. I mean, we're pretty secure in our marriage, but he just was kind of like a. So yeah. I can only imagine in terms of what's next. I mean, this, this episode is gonna go out after this second wife's on a mission to indoor Conference, which is coming up this weekend. This weekend, next weekend. This weekend.

Unknown:

Yes. Yes. This weekend. May 14.

Juli Wenger:

Yeah. And so people will likely have missed that. But they need to follow you. And what are you excited about that is upcoming that you have some sense of? Are there. More books? Are there more plans for conferences or anything like that you want to share?

Unknown:

Well, right now the conference that's coming up, that's my major thing that I'm getting ready to do. So everything is really, I'm really focusing on that right now. After that, I really don't know what else he wants me to do. So that's the that's the whole thing about faith. You know, we walk by faith and not by sight, every thing that he has done thus far. I I did not see it, I did not see it coming. I didn't see that, you know, months from now I will have you as a friend or you know, the rest of the girls, and it's just, you know, the same thing with my husband, I'm like, Hey, I'm going to talk to the girls, we have, you know, we have a call this week and just the people that he's connecting me to, as a result of my Yes, as a result of my obedience, even though my flesh was like, I don't want to do it, you know, I don't want to do it, you know. And we see that we see God, it's like a daddy guide. I always say, it's like, when your dad or your parents tell you to go do the dishes, you know, you don't want to really do the dishes, but you know, you have to do it. And that's kind of how it is. Sometimes I'm like, but I don't want I can't get somebody else to get it. It's such a heavy weight. He's like, No, you're the one, get it together, because you have to do it. And then once I really put aside my feelings, and surrender to what he wants me to do, I have seen such a manifestation of His goodness, and it's awesome. So I really don't know what he has next. But I'm gonna

Juli Wenger:

love that answer so much, because it's reassuring. For me, he's like, I got plans, but I'm not going to tell you what they all are. Because and if you've been with me on this broadcast for any length of time, you know, it's okay, I'll call you when I need you sort of a default. So, like, we're just gonna, here's the next step. Here's the next step. Here's the next step. And you just have to trust me, and roll with it. And I'm not giving you enough proof that I will be wow, I will be the provision you need. And I will be the strength that you need. And yeah, yeah, actually, you have. So okay, let's roll with it. And it's a whole different way of functioning in a business and in life, then I'm going to have this five year plan. And I'm going to, you know, because that's what the world says we should do, right? I'm gonna do this, and this and this, and this, and this and this. And it's more this broad vision. And I think that's for both of us of here are the groups of people that he wants to support, and the general themes of what he wants us to help build in them, and how he wants to work through us. And beyond that, it's like, I don't know, like I fix there's another book. I think you got more books in you. But we'll see. Right, we'll see what he calls us to so.

Unknown:

And you know, the beauty about surrendering to His will, is that we do not have to have it all figured out. Because he has it all figured out. We just have to say yes, every time you call every time he calls we just have to ask for

Juli Wenger:

I know the plans I have for you. Yeah, yeah. You know, the plans? I know. Yeah,

Unknown:

I know. Yes. Cool. That's a good one, Jim. That is a good one.

Juli Wenger:

To wrap this one up, I'm so proud of you. And I'm so excited. And I'm

Unknown:

proud of you. I'm excited. I'm waiting. I'm on like pins and needles waiting for years to come out.

Juli Wenger:

It is taking longer than I thought that it would but it's okay. Probably into June ish, is what it's looking like. So that's a month later, but that's my overachiever having to unattach to my own plans. So go buy wives on a mission to injure I know this book is gonna bless people I know it's gonna give them hope and give them context and perspective that they didn't have before. So until next time, all my love and Virtual hugs. Thanks, Catherine for being on the show.

Unknown:

Thank you for having me

Juli Wenger:

I hope this episode triggered something in you and got you thinking about your next growth curve. Make sure to check out the show notes for more details and links to resources or people that we've mentioned today. And make sure you hit follow or subscribe. And if you have a hot minute, leave an awesome review. I would be so beyond grateful. Until next time, be too much DARE YOU