Becoming Ourselves - The Podcast

From Author to Authority - Flow and Flex

May 11, 2022 Season 4 Episode 8
Becoming Ourselves - The Podcast
From Author to Authority - Flow and Flex
Show Notes Transcript

God has His own timing for everything. Even when we think we hear his plan and his timing clearly, it is always subject to change. Writing and launching a book takes planning and deadlines, and it also takes a team of people, which means that you have less control over the process of your project because you have zero control over other people. This week we're talking personal experience with timelines being pushed and rolling with it (after processing some frustration and confusion first, of course.)

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Juli Wenger:

You are on this earth for a purpose. You want to live a life that matters. So let's get through the fear and the overwhelm and all the crap that gets in the way of you living the life of yours. This is the becoming ourselves podcast where we are fired up about you getting clear on who you are, what you're called to, and how to get there. Because the world is waiting for you to show up and own your power. I'm your host, Juli Wenger, a coach, a speaker at Jesus lover, and Enneagram, two, and a tree shaker. Let's dive into what's keeping you stuck. Because on the other side, is a life that's fired up. Hmm. This week on the becoming ourselves podcast, we're playing around a little, and we're rolling with things and we're doing what we feel like because this week was supposed to be the week that we started talking about formatting, and the process of getting through those final stages of the book getting ready to launch. But we're not there yet. And so while a lot of this series has been reflective, it's been looking back, I had targeted for the recording of this episode and the publishing of this episode to be concurrent with going through a process. So this speaks to how Julie had a plan. And Julie had a date. And Julie was pretty certain that God gave her that date. And at the time back in January, that seemed like it's really far out. How was it going to take that long? It should not take that long, can we just accelerate things. And as we've come closer and closer and closer to that date, I'm starting to realize that it might not happen while there's part of me that wants to believe for it because my God is a God of miracles. Okay, like if he wants to make this happen by May 31. He can. However, I'm not getting that sense. I'm not getting that feel. I'm not getting that expansiveness that shows up when he's talking. It's like, we're gonna hit this and I just need you to believe for it. I'm getting the sense like, tap the brakes, Julie, which sex because let's talk personal growth on this. Even though that's not where I plan to start. But lots of things are not going according to blend. Okay, there is a tendency to go quickly, and to create my plans, and to overachieve. And to warp speed ate everything, where my fellow Star Trek fans that and it doesn't always work out. While I didn't think this was warp speed, I'm learning that within the book publishing space, because this is all new to me that this is not uncommon for us to have a target and then things to just take longer. So I'm going to fill you in on the transparent kind of behind the scenes of all of this, and let you know where things are at. And we're going to talk a bit about being flexible and waiting. And when things don't go according to our plan as part of the from author to authority series. Because if y'all are going to write a book, or take on a big project like this, that challenges you. And as you step into new spaces and spaces that are uncomfortable, you're going to need to understand that things are not always going to go the way that you want them to go. They're not this is not my first rodeo with that, but I still over attached to the outcomes. And that is when the challenges come, because I'm not over attaching to the process. I'm not over attaching to like, Okay, God, what are we doing next? I'm over attaching to it's going to be here by this time. And I told people, and I need to follow through on that. Because if I don't, then what are they going to think? That's Julie's default standard thing. So here's the process in the waiting in the pivot in the being flexible. There is a tension that shows up between and this is especially for my people pleasers. Okay, there's a tension that shows up between holding people accountable and setting clear expectations and asking for updates and being very direct and firm and explicit and not padding around things, not just hoping not just assuming not expecting that things are going to go the way you want them to go when you haven't clearly communicated an expectation and the tension between that. And the other thing, the other thing is still being flexible and accommodating and a good human and recognizing that in a process like this, it's all people. And the people are imperfect, because we're human. And that's what humanity looks like. It's not perfect. So as I'm going through this process, and we're getting first round of edits done, and we're getting second round of edits, then we get to a third round of edits, and I sent everything in. And it double check. You guys have it all. Yeah. And then two weeks later, I get the, your stuff is overdue. And I'm like, hold up. What do you mean by stuffs overdue? It's been in for two weeks? So then I got the confirmation that yes, we have it. So my mind goes to now we're two weeks behind, on my timing, on my expectation on my over attachment. And that's where frustration shows up. Yet. There's humanity. We're not always going to do things perfectly. We're going to miss things sometimes. That's nice. That's something we can look at engineering out a process, and how do we make that better? And all that? Yes. And can I recognize and have some grace and some compassion for there are people on the other side of this equation? And how does it mean operating in integrity? And balancing these two things intention? How does that show up? What does that look like? Because part of my growth is to set more clear expectations and more clear boundaries. And just be more clear period, with people. Type Two tendency over here for jump Enneagram for a minute is to be soft and pat around things and hint at things. But not to just out note, say them not to out note, create an expectation. And that's something I've really had to work on. Because running my own businesses, you got to set expectations. You've got to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations, you've got to be willing to face potential rejection and conflict. That's not my default. My default my ego still wants me to slide back into but what do I need to do to make sure that they like me? Fundamentally, though, when you're paying for a service, it's not about whether they like you. I mean, that's a bonus. It's great when people like you because you know, more bees with honey than whatever. I don't even remember how it goes. But you get like real raw, Julie today. And at the same time it is yes. And there's something hinging on this. So it's unclear conversations, and we move things forward. And we got a book cover back and I was like, nope, try again. Because I'm really picky. And I'm picky, both because I'm picky. And because I'm a designer, but I'm also picky, because this work is so important to me, it's so important to do it justice to do it. Well. There's an importance to editing well, so it reads well. So you're not getting the distraction for those detail oriented people that read a book and they go, that punctuation is wrong, or this sentence just doesn't read, right. And it's hard for them to stay engaged. And it needs to be done well, from a perspective of people who are visual like me, that will decide whether or not to read a book based on its cover. There's a lot of details that need to go into the production of something like this, to ensure some level of success. And then there's the but God, right, then there's a what has he gonna do with it that goes beyond what I can do with it. So there's this tension. So we've had to work through this tension. And the other piece of personal growth on this has really been around. What do I think a reasonable timeline is? What is a reasonable expectation of me. I'm the girl that when I was setting up my system for my business last summer, and this system was revolutionary for me, because it estimates the time a task is going to take, I have to ballpark it. And then once I've done that, and I put all my tasks in my system, I assign them to different weeks different buckets. And then when I look at my week, I can say okay, how much work? How many hours of work? am I expecting myself to complete this week? And there was one week where I had 100 hours plus of work that I expected me just me, myself and I to complete in one week, and I wanted to work 35 hours hours that week, like, Whoa, no wonder I feel perpetually behind. So this whole reasonable expectation and timelines thing has been an ongoing growth curve. And it's been something I'm learning about. And now when we add on a recent ADHD diagnosis, the impulsivity that can show up there the distractibility that can show up there, but also this, like, Go Go, go, go, go get stuff done, those things layered together gets really interesting. I have a whole nother level of understanding about it. And I'm really excited to jump into once we're done with this book series, more of a conversation about that. And setting reasonable timelines is something that is not only a challenge, but it's also something that when you haven't done a thing before gets compounded in terms of the challenge that exists there, I don't know how long it's going to take to get through book cover design. Have I done some graphic design stuff before? Yes, so I have some frame of reference. But it's still something that's different. I don't know how long it's going to take to go through a book formatting process that's completely new to me. I don't know a lot of things about this process, because I haven't done them. And yet, I believe, and as listening to a podcast this morning, that put us so perfectly that if God is calling you to do it, he says I will equip you for it. I'm not calling you to do it, because you're already equipped for it, I'm not calling you to do it, because you're the most capable person to do it, which you totally identify with. And this whole book thing, there are things that he has definitely developed a level of expertise in me about, especially over the last couple of years. And there is this space where like you gotta fill this in, because I don't I don't know. And because there is this overwhelm, that tries to creep in with all of the other personal growth stuff that's going on and reconciling and frankly, grieving around a neuro divergence diagnosis. And side note here, we're not giving that a lot of power. It's not something that I'm like I am this thing, I'm not my identity does not change. My identity is still firmly rooted in who's I am, and that I am loved joy, strength, light and grace, that doesn't shift. And this has always been me, the way my brain works is how my brain has always worked. But there is a level of coming to terms with the impacts of that and reflecting on it and seeing it everywhere. And that's exhausting. Seeing it everywhere. So there is a level of, you know, in the timelines getting curious about why are we extending these large, like, what is the purpose? What is the intention? Like, can you just explain this to me? And there have been a few things lately where I'm like, can you just explain this to me and girlfriend of mine and posted this, I think as soon as equals saying that, I can show you that I'm God. Or you can just believe me. And I read that and there was just this moment where as like, a Holy Spirit truth bomb, right where you could just stop, I'm not going to explain myself to you, you're just going to trust me. And that's that. And it's the same thing with his book timeline. And so the other day I was sitting down, I was thinking about this episode, and I was thinking about when things don't go according to plan. And I was thinking about this verse. In Acts chapter one, verses seven and eight. It says, you don't get to know the time timing is the father's business. And I'm like, Oh, snap, because that always Tony has landed as it ain't none of your business. It's not, when I'm going to do things. What that timing looks like that's not yours to carry. That's not yours to worry about. All you need to do is show up. All you need to do is what I tell you to do, when I tell you to do it, because I'm lining up the steps and I'm straightening the path and if you rush it, it's not ready. If you rush your movement forward, the path isn't ready because it's not the appointed time for it. And in Proverbs chapter 16, verse nine, we can make our plans with the Lord determines our steps. You can plan all you want and planning is not bad. Okay? Planning is a necessary part of moving things forward and doing what we can do. Because show up and let me do the work is not you need to do nothing and just sit around and wait for me. It's you need to show up and you need to do the things that you can You, but then I'm going to do the work that I can do and you don't need to carry that. He says, I will determine what your steps are. And if your plan is in alignment with my plan for you, if you're listening, if we're connected, if we're in sync, if we're in Step, we're gonna be great. And it's going to move forward, and it's going to have a level of ease to it, or it's going to have a level of flow to it. And there's this dance between what do I need to do and then letting him do what he needs to do. But when we're rushing it, or if our plan isn't in alignment, we're taking a detour. We have our calling, he's like, come this way. I'm like, no, no, no, I know better. And I'm gonna make this May 31 thing happen. So off, I go onto my own detour onto this, like bumpy gravel road that has all these twists and turns and ups and downs. And I'm like, Why is this hard? Because I'm not on the path. And he fortunately, is mercy filled and Grace filled enough to build me on ramps, back to the path back to what he calls me to. He is gracious enough to be like, come back over here. Let me re engineer things a little bit, so I can get you back to where I need you to be. It's going to take longer. And there's a cost to that, because there are people that are waiting for you to show up in your assignment to get their transformation. So as I've been contending with, but I made a plan. And I had a timeline. And I told some people because I did some podcasts. And we were planning the launch week times and when that was going to happen. And I was going to do all of these reels. And we're going to start them from launch day and work them back. And now we're beyond the start date of when that was supposed to happen because they don't know when launch day isn't spiral. And then worry shows up. And fear shows up. And ego shows up and feeds a whole bunch of not enoughness stories into the equation. You can just see guy going like well, wobble, calm down. Trust me, my timing is perfect. I can see the big picture that you can't see. So if I'm telling you to tap the brakes, then trust that if I gave you a May 31 timeline, maybe Julie's misinterpreted what that means. Maybe that's not the book needs to be on Amazon shelves for active sale by May 31. But that we need to hit some other milestone, or that I needed that kick in the pants, I needed that deadline to keep me moving forward. And now he needs me to be flexible. Maybe I haven't yet stepped through some things that he needs me to step through to be ready to launch it. Maybe there's some personal life stuff, that he needs me to be available to momming stuff that he needs me to be available to I don't know. And yet on the other side of the initial frustration, and then the other side of the worry of what are people going to think? And am I going to disappoint somebody and what is like, am I not supposed to just believe for it to happen. That's great. But I just don't get that sense that that's what he's calling me to. So next week, is likely going to be a guest episode. Because I don't know When formatting is going to hit my desk so that I have some context on that for you. And that might mean that the week after is also a guest episode, who knows we're going to roll with it. And we're going to be flexible, and we're going to trust that it's going to work out. And I'm really excited about some of these guests episodes because we are bringing in some of my book writing accountability team who have launched and are in the process of launching their own books. We are bringing in some other authors over the next couple of months wherever that fits into the schedule because flow and flex and I'm just really excited for you to get their perspective on the process and what's on the other side of doing something like this and making it happen. So until next time, deep breaths because he's got this and you've got me I hope this episode triggered something in you and got you thinking about you Next growth curve. Make sure to check out the show notes for more details and links to resources or people that we've mentioned today. And make sure you hit follow or subscribe. And if you have a hot minute, leave an awesome review. I would be so beyond grateful. Until next time, be to much DARE YOU